Be at rest,young maiden. Let not your heart be worried. Your king will come, just as God has planned. He won't be late, he won't miss you. He will love you, and you,him. Just keep doing your thing: the good thing,the God-thing. Discover,listen,learn; let wisdom accumulate. Above all, love,with open arms. Let go of past hurts, let the walls crumble. Give and receive.. LIVE!!!

Questions,worries,anxieties of one who "so badly" wants to win the affections of another: Am here,ALWAYS,4 u.. but am i enough? When there are so many others, do you see me? I fear when i leave, you'll forget me; yet in a crowd,am too insignificant. And when i hurt you, in an attempt to cover up all these feelings, will you forgive me? Do i want you to forget how "mean" i can be? Sometimes not, if it keeps you away from me. Then my mind is "safe" for a bit. It's bitter-sweet: when you're there, when you're not, I'll be cheery, I'll be sad.. I remind self, "am not waiting. am not hoping". But the heart tells a whole other story. The trick,i think, is to realise that with or without you i haven't lost.

Lord, when he says, "i love you", let him be the one i want[please?] so that the words are indeed sweet to my ears, enlisting a giddy vibrant, "i love you too!!" fom the heart[mine]..

Blame.. the guy who is being "way too nice', blatantly stares at me- which,by the way,causes me to think that he is somehow amazed by "little old me". He says many nice things, at times even hints at the two of us being an "item"; but ofcourse,he's only joking,"teasing". ha.ha. He likes being around me and did i mention; everyone thinks,no,is waiting for 'something' to happen between us? Or blame me.. the girl[romantic]who thinks she has finally met her match, and just maybe he adores her the way she does him.. but then,maybe i'm just reading too much into things..? seeing only what i want to see?? The answer,it seems,comes soon enough for,lo and behold,"my prince" appears with another[finer]lady on his arm. Clearly,i was never "his girl". I think it's safe to say that you can never be sure what he(whoever it is)is upto [and if it's you he's after] unless he tells you so. Ergo ladies,guard your hearts[jealously] and brothers,tread carefully lest you leave a trail of broken hearts in your wake.

Am bored, tired of the same old thing. I ask,He provides, a quick 'thank you' and life goes on. I need no more proof that God provides. And what He wants?? am not so sure. Yet,if i were the friend i know i ought to be, wouldn't i know? Surely,i would understand that His heart is for all, and not just me. Wouldn't i then grow to have that same heart,also? for others and not just me? huh... Let's take this to another level.

If this were an opportunity; one last chance, to say something -anything- i would have to make it count, wouldn't i? Well,this is my chance. Could be my last, who knows? Thing is,i must make it count. There are many words [and am a one of many words] many with meaning, and many without. This is my time, am taking my pick; speak wise, write sense. am goin to try not to waste anyone's time.

Dead. she's dead. and i've never felt so bad about not doing my best. you see,many a day i let her starve while i stuffed my face. expected her to guard me without any reward. i forgot that all things living need love to flourish humans,no doubt; but plants and animals,also. bony and weak she withered away an easy target for sickness and fleas i came home yesterday to find that she breathed no more i was glad,atleast, her death wasn't too slow; agonising,yes..but quicker [better for her] am through with pets.

Yet again, another mistake made. Yet again,i have failed [no surprise there..] But as am reminded of all my weaknesses and shortcomings, wishing i were someone else,someone better.. it becomes plain to see that i am who God wants; flaws and all, i am who He desires; flaws and all, i am just right for the job.

i asked You,Lord, to make it all better, to make the pain ebb way, to fix everything. to search and dig up, bring to the surface and heal. i was totally helpless,see, i could do very little,it seemed; and even that wasn't clear. am still asking: help them,Lord, bring them back, restore them, encourage them,love them[gladly,through me] shed this selfishness of mine "it is not about me!!" keep reminding me it's about the hurting in my midst..

i found out
that it was me all along-
not you-
that i needed to be okay,
to survive.
God helped me see
that you were never meant to be
the zenith of my happiness.
it was i,
it is Him in me.
am strong inside,
i can stand;
i will stand,
on God alone.
and when you come
i will be ready
to love you wholly
with expectations not too great.
because i will be whole.