just got back from fort fisher with my dad. it was cool, considering that's the first real quality time we've spent together in over a year. anyways, i feel really bad about what i wrote in the last entry. i mean, who am i to criticize the way someone else feels? for all i know, she actually is in love. and if he loved her back, everything would be cool. but he's an ASSHOLE. i can't even stand to look at this guy. she deserves waaaaay better. i just wish she could see that too.

okay, i dunno what to do about my friend. she's still mad about the whole situation, but refuses to talk about it to anyone but me. i told her, just dump the asshole, but she's all noooo, i'm in loooooove. i dunno what to do here. usually i make people feel better, that's what i do. but i have no power here. i dunno. i know i should step out of it, but it's really hard, especially when i see my friend's face. i can't talk to anyone about it, either, cuz i really don't want this spreading around. she's bearing enough humiliation as it is. but no one knows what the hell i'm talking about here, so this doesn't count.

okay, tell me something: if you are a chick, and you're dating this guy who's told you he loves you (several times), and then one of his exes (who's still his friend) moves in with him for a few months because she doesn't feel like living with her parents anymore, and apparently they've been sleeping in the same room, and whenever one is absent from school the other is absent too, would you be really pissed? if this was happening to one of your friends and she was really upset but doing nothing about it because she's completely unassertive, would you want to beat the guy to a gooey pulp? because that's what i wanna do to this guy. seriously, i tried to talk to him, and he got really defensive. he was all, "well, i know i'm not doing anything," and "she's just being selfish," and "love means trusting the other person." yes, well, if you aren't doing anything, why do you guys keep disappearing together and why is she in your room? and my friend is not being selfish, you're spending time with an ex when you could be spending time with her, and that girl can go live with one of her other friends, one that's also female. and yes, love requires trust, but love also requires being sensitive to your partner's emotions. and as far as i'm concerned, telling a girl you love her and then doing this to her is just toying with her emotions and self-confidence. but when i said all that to him, he got really pissed off, so i walked away before i did something to get suspended. it'd be different if it was only for a week or two, but we're talking about till summer, when they both go off to college anyway. that's a really long time to be spending with just one other person. and my friend can't talk to him because she's afraid she'll lose him, and he's portrayed this as all her fault, like her feelings aren't perfectly rational. i'm sorry, but any guy that treats his girls like that is not worth a second look. well, that's the unwanted drama in my life right now. byebye. >:(

well, the 4th was my mom's birthday. she's 47, haha, but the joke's sorta on me cuz she only looks like 40 or so, and that's when her grey roots are showing. i still remind her of her age at every opportunity though. karma is really gonna come back to bite me in the butt one day, but i can't help it. teasing is my way of showing someone i love them. and it's not like she never teases me back. anyway, why i really wrote is because i have a monolouge in theatre class i have to present in a few days, and i am extremely nervous. no, that doesn't even begin to cover it. like, i'm halfway to a breakdown right now just thinking about it. i'm gonna ask if i can perform first or whatever cuz honestly, the sooner i get it over with, the better. but we have to perform it from memory and i do have it memorized (cuz i've rewritten it over and over and over) but whenever i practice i have these huge blanks in my memory and then i get more nervous and last time i started to cry. it's so pathetic, i know, and it helps absolutely nothing to worry like that. i tell myself that all the time, but i must be really bad at lying to myself, because i'm not buying it. okay, i gotta go. i'm only freaking myself out by doing this. but it does feel good to get it out. i think i'm starting to see the point of this whole journal thing. byebye.

well, i haven't written in a while, so i dunno if i lost the bet or not. been busy. i've never had so many projects in my life. well, whatever. i prolly shouldn't even be writing, cuz i am completely out of it right now. insomnia, you know. ugh. pirates are cool. especially when they're johnny depp. it's a bit sad, but most of my hollywood crushes are twenty years older than me, or more. let's see....hugh jackman, christian bale, brad pitt, george clooney, etc. but there are some younger ones, like jackson rathbone and the guy that played doon harrow in the city of ember. oh, and the long-haired guy in sweeney todd. well, i'm sure none of this is making sense so i'm gonna go now. byebye!