Today, for the first time in years, it seems, I feel awake. No, I think the right word is: alive. I would prefer to keep it simple, to leave at that; but I think I'll regret it if I don't capture as much of this as I can, in the way you might try to hold on to a dream. Although it's February, it's probably hot enough outside to be considered summer weather in the majority of the world. I have one hour of sleep behind me, and for the total hours of sleep I've had this week, I only know it was not many. Outside the sky is slightly washed out. It looks dry, like the dusty colored clouds and trees. Yesterday was unique in that all the little things went only a little wrong, enough to achieve a perpetual feeling of uneasiness. Nothing was settled or accomplished. Although today wasn't anything spectacular, an optimistic air has developed. That was enough, contrasted to that which I've become accustomed, to wake me up I think. Also, speaking of dreams, I've actually been having some in the last month or so. Many, in fact. It's very refreshing. Now, only distinct clarity of mind remains; the rush is over. If I can hold on to this much, though, things are looking very well.

I've had a lot of trouble motivating myself to draw lately. I can't take our assignments in school seriously. We simply don't learn anything. Our teacher is this sweet old conservative lady who really has no depth of thought. The only freedom we have in our concentration project, which is, for us senior students, almost entirely optional and to be done outside of class, since we won't be able to take Art 4 next year. We have to literally spell out everything we want to do for it to her. It's just strange to me. She's talented, creative, but so simple minded. I'm very interested in surrealism and people. I rather let the viewer decide on the relationship between whatever figures or characters I draw. If I have something specific in mind, it should be clear. If it isn't, it will become clear as they appear in more drawings. In any case.. we're doing a silk painting right now, which is very, very similar to watercolor. I love watercolor. (: Which is pretty much why I'm lagging behind; I didn't want to waste a good project on something thoughtless like flowers. Like over 90% of the example student work she showed us.. In closing? The more I think about the world the more complicated it gets. I should have taken Thoreau's advice last year or whenever. Simplify simplify. Humane sleeping habits might not hurt either.

I might have discovered something significant the other day. Rather than apathetic, I think I'm a cynic. This is immensely simplified, but I couldn't ask you to read the book I found this in. It was very long winded. Naturally very thorough, but not so much casual or pleasure reading. W. Somerset Maugham, by M. K. Naik. A critical study. If you've read Maugham, maybe it would be interesting to glance through at least. So there you have it. There will likely be more on this in the future, but for now I feel this is passable closure for whatever I expressed in TheBlueNote.