For the first time in who knows how long, the love of my life is not the all-consuming thought of my mind. Tonight, many people mourn the passing of a great husband, father, friend, and Christian. A member of my church unfortunately passed away only a few hours ago. The one thing that slightly lessens the pain is that when I visited him not even a week ago, he was in no pain, and by just listening to him you could tell that he KNEW where he was going. His faith in Christ was so strong, you couldn't help but feel happy for him when he would say that he was ready to go home. despite all this, it is still very difficult for me, personally. my only relation to him was a brother in Christ (which is enough), but he is the first person that i've really known that has passed away, and i never realized how hard it is. i, really can't think of anything else to say, i'm just so...tired. tired of all these emotions that feel like they're going to tear me apart. i will say, though, that he did live a full life. though i don't see a point in mentioning it, he passed away from cancer. please, keep his family and church family in prayer (no need to pray for him, anymore. from now on, when he says "Lord?", he'll be anwered "Yes?"). tired. tired of the drama and emotions of life, -tyler

I write to right now very early in the morning to say that i cannot take it anymore. i wake up and the first thing i start thinking of is the goddess i've, against my better judgement, given my heart and life to. As the title of my entry suggests, i will let her listen to the sounds of silence no longer. i only hope that i will soon have the chance to be able to talk to her alone so i can finally tell her how i feel. this is so hard, because i realized when i first started to fall in love with her that there was no chance that this girl, this same girl that i can't stop thinking about, that is constantly on my mind 24/7, that i don't think i could live without, that there is no possible way that she could like someone like me. and to add onto this, my best friend (or so i think) keeps telling me that she doesn't like me the way i adore her (he would know because they have been friends since childhood). my only hope is that my thought-to-be friend is the worst person in history to tell a girl's feelings (which is actually quite possible, but that doesn't help for some reason). but even as i write this, i start to wonder if i should be more patient, since love is patient. but how long must i wait, when i've been waiting for almost a year? again, my fears grab a hold of me, as i am scared to death to even talk to her, and even more scared that if i talk to her about how i feel, that i'll just drive her away, which would be a fate worse than death itself, to be kept away from the person i love more than life itself. one last thought that's been going through my mind before i sign off. if for some reason this girl and i are meant to be (heaven forbid), i know that there is SOME reason that God has put her into my; some reason that in this part of my life, i would recognize her for the beautiful, wonderful person she is. i only wish and pray that God would reveal to me why she is in my life, instead of having me guess. well, as i am ready to sign-off for now, i look back at my title and realize it does not fit anymore, as i have decides to show more patience (if at all possible), and see if i can figure out why this terrific person has been so wonderfully, yet painfully placed into my life. i leave the title in place as a reminder that one day, she will no longer be forced ti listen to the sounds of silence. hoping for a light to be shone on his love, -tyler

Alright, so I'm not heartbroken, but more like love-sick from an unrequited love. anyway, against my better judgement, i've given my heart and life to this girl, even when i don't know how she feels about me and there's a pretty good chance that she doesn't feel the same way about me that i do for her. is it weird that, when faced with these facts, that i'd still be willing to give my life for her? does this mean that i truly love her? or that i'm just desperate to love someone and to be loved by someone? sigh, so many questions, so much love in my heart, and so little time for the answers and the expression of said love. anyway, when i get into these love-sick moods, which happens when i think of this girl, which is pretty much every waking moment of my life (which i can't figure out whether its good or not), i resort to songwriting to express how i feel, since i love writing and i love music. that being said, here's the latest set of lyrics i've come out with. these are from the heart, so be nice. title: fear the time is perfect yeah, it's just right of you i want to catch just a sight my mind is racing with my heart but the race is already over it's fear that's kept me away from her fear is keeping me away from her fear of what she'll say to me i hope i won't always be afraid but we'll just have to wait and see yeah, we'll just have to wait and see fear will i ever get the chance to reveal what's inside of me or will it always hide? fear is keeping me away from her fear of what she'll say to me fear has kept it all inside i guess i'll always be yeah, i guess i'll always be afraid to tell you that i couldn't live without you afraid to let you see that you're everything to me i'd give everything away just so we could be but fear is keeping me away fear of what you'll say to me oh, fear is keeping it inside yes it's fear oh, i guess we'll never see well, there it is. i don't really care what anyone thinks of it, because it's just a way for me to get out how i feel about this girl. and if anyone is wondering why i'm afraid to talk to her, it's because, no matter what anyone else says, she is a million times out of my league, and that is putting it mildly. anyway, there's my entry. as paul simon once put it: "i've been art garfunkeled!" feeling the pangs of unrequited love, -tyler

well, i've made a new revelation in my life. as i've grown both physically and spiritually, my focus has veered more and more towards music; it has been a friend through troubling times, an encourager during depressing times, and an enjoyment through boring times. i soon realized that i loved music, and immediately invested in an iPod Touch (which i am using to write with at this very moment). very soon after this revelation in my life, i had a revelation in my heart for the most amazing girl. this revelation of heart, though it has been difficult and i still don't know if the girl even likes me or not, has drastically changed my revelation in my life. it has completely changed the way i look at songs. now, not only do i see a song that glorifies God, but i also see a song that explains exactly how i feel about this girl. even songs that i've listened to since i was seven take on an entirely new meaning. without even realizing it, this girl has changed my life forever (for the good, mind you). at first, i thought of how my love of music had changed so much, but then i realized that it didn't matter anymore. the only thing that matters now (aside from God and family) is her. now i see that she has improved how i see music, because every time i hear a song, i immediately start thinking of her. well, there's my first journal entry. don't know if anyone will read it or not, but there it is. until next time, -tyler