i can't believe i'm so happy right now. everything feels so good, so right, so perfect. it's like i'd forgotten i'm not really a person. i'm some other creature that isn't meant to be held onto. i can settle down for awhile, but then i have to leave. i need to make a break and leave. because for what felt like forever, i couldn't breathe. he left me. and i never believed people when they said it would hurt. but it did hurt. it hurt so bad i couldn't even deal with it. i needed to drug myself every day just to stop from crying. i was so fucking weak. i never cry, i never feel. but it hurt. and now i realize that's okay. i needed the catharsis. and now i'm over it. like it never happened. it's wierd. i think about him and i feel nothing anymore. and that's good. except i keep dreaming that he wants me back. but now i know that if that does come true, i have the power to protect myself. i mean, i would go back. but only if he proved that it was worth it. because i am not the type of person that somebody can break and then keep. it can't happen. it can never happen again. but yes. i feel good. i feel at peace now. because i'm starting to remember that i'm a coveted object. people still want me. and they're lining up for a shot and it makes me feel so much better. so i'm finally back to happy. and i really hope it stays that way. i see hope in these new prospects. that's for sure.