although school means i get to see him maybe he will fall for me again. his gauges are back in and have been for awhile i forgot to mention that. he looks ahmazing and his brown hair has grown out so he looks even better. blonde was such a stupid thing they all did. im really very excited to see you. i wonder if you will even remember me ? will you continue to look through me ? at lunch you would always follow me with your eyes i knew you wish you could be with me i could see the longing in your eyes. i wish you would give up your pride and come back to me that would be awesome. i day dream about you i dream about you in waking and in sleep youre always on my mind. i want you so bad its ridiculous. id give anything to go back to the first week of february 2010 that would be perfect. we were perfect really at least to me if not to you idc

can we all just grow up and be mature please. i cant believe my best friend is this freaking mad about me being friends with another of her friends. she introduced us she should be happy we are being friends. helllllooo now we can all be friends together. like shes making a huge deal about it to both of us and wont talk to us or is being super passive aggressive and im fucking so annoyed by it. like we arent doing anything bad we are just getting along and we keep asking you to hang out with us together and individually but you keep saying no and avoiding us. youre acting like such a child get over it already. i have nothing profound to say anymore. im disappointed in myself.

other than a few random break downs im doing quite well. field hockey camp was sooooo much fun. my team went 5-1 and the best thing was we won the championship. we played the team and lost but we were both the top two teams so we had to play them again and then we beat them when it really mattered and so we won and were victorious. i started playing forward which was new and exciting and im starting to really enjoy it so basically now i can be put anywhere on the field ! im crossing my fingers i make it on the school team ill be devastated if i dont. so joe and his best friend tyler were drunk texting me last night not even being funny just kept telling me how joe kept talking about me and missed me well i dont miss him. theres no longing anymore. the only thing im longing for is to reconcile my differences with nick. school will be starting soon and ive already been having so many dreams that say i want to resolve past issues which are only him. it would be quite helpful so im gunna talk to him that will be interesting. my sister got home and she took off again shes very selfish and doesnt really care about me or my parents. everything shes been doing has been annoying the crap out of me i wanna ship her off to paris like right now rather than in three weeks. im going to the beach this weekend. im sooooooo excited for some rest and relaxation. i love the beach it will be so fun. and hopefully i will hang out with my cousins girlfriend whom i love shes so nice and real and actually cares about me. hmmm theres not a lot for me to say i feel like i started this journal with sooo much in my head but now i realize theres just nothing up there. oh well! C'est la vie. until next time....