somethings clearly wrong with me because i cant understand why any guy would ever like me other than the reason that im quick and easy. even though i know that means they dont really like me that they just like to use me. but what other reason do guys have for girls other than to use them? no matter how many times im told or who tells me i still think im not worth more than a one night stand. i dont see anything in myself thats worth liking other than that they can do whatever they please with me. maybe its because ive just gotten so used to it and no guy even bothers trying anymore. not that they even bothered before either. and im so damn sick of trying so damn hard. i try and i try and i put out and i put out and i reach out and i reach out and i take risks and i take risks and i fall down and i fall down and i get back up and i get back up but now im just so damn sick of getting back up. whats the point if im only to fall back down? and every public display of affection makes me want to puke and tear the faces off the couple. i feel mentally deranged no way thats a sane thing to feel but i dont care at this point im just so done. I JUST WANNA THROW MY LIFE AWAY. and if i did its not like anyone would care. 1600 kids in my school and i feel utterly alone because i am. definitely dont have that many friends maybe 5 i can call true friends if that and it varies from 1 to 5 periodically through out the day. i feel unstable. i ache for the feeling of stability. every minute is a mood swing dont understand whats wrong with me.

silently screaming your name. wishing i had never met you. knowing i dont mean it. wishing i did. wishing i didnt. wishing you would just come back. knowing you wont. knowing its over. silently screaming your name. over. and over. and over. and over again. maybe you can hear it. maybe your calling my name too. but silent screams dont get very far. maybe in time i will get over this. trying to picture my life with you. its scary. how can you picture your life with out me i dont understand. all i can do is keep silently screaming your name. over. and over. and over. and over again. doesnt matter if you could hear it either. you wouldnt come if you heard it. so all i do is silently scream your name over. and over. and over. and over again. because it doesnt matter. over. and over. and over. and over. and over. and over. and over. and over again.

lips tremble hands shake heart quakes wishing you were here to make this stop