I am just so sick of everything.. Of kirstie being pissed because im friends with cory of cameron being pissed cuz ppl telling him i "do stuff w/ ppl after school" of adrian being pissed for i don't know what of my parents jumping down my throat for every little thing of lying to the ppl i care about most of not knowing how i feel. This sucks. Major ass.. bleh..

Ok. So a lot has happened this last week. And I wouldve gotten on sooner had I not been freaking GROUNDED. Grr.. but oh well. Whats done is done. And its over now so yay. :] Ok.. now down to buisiness: 1. Cory texted me when he was drunk on friday night. I was at my grandparents in Illinois City {{very dinky town.. and they live on a farm. so I was socially isolated and I thought I would DIE. But I didnt. So yay..}} Anywho, he was drunk and texting me.. and he was like "I really like you." {{This was at like 2 in the morning}} and then he said stuff like.. "When you gave me a hug when we got back from leon i wanted to kiss you so bad" and "if i ever get the nerve im going to kiss you." So Saturday morning we were on our way back to Coe College in Cedar Rapids to pick Audrey up from the scholarship weekend and he was like "I'm sorry if I said anything bad last night." And I was like "Well it wasnt bad. Just interesting" and hes like "oh geez what did i say?" So I told him. And he was like "Omg im so sorry." Then he asked me what I thought about it. So I said "I'll be waiting for that kiss you promised." And he was like "ok :]" 2. On Sunday after church, my mom wanted me to walk cuz she thinks it will help my back {{it doesnt}}. So I was in the old gym and I was texting cory and we both agreed we were bored.. so I was like "come over and ill let you in through the doors by the old gym" So he did and we talked for a while and then he.. kissed me.. :DDDDD {{

Well.. today was fun. First day of singledom in a while.. so yay. After school I skipped my piano lesson to go to Leon with Cory. Ok, so it was way over by the time we left, so maybe I should say to spend time with him. We were hanging out in the wrestling room and he was lifting while I sat on the bench and just kinda talked with him. Then we just hung out in the hallway with Cainen (douchebag and a half.. bleh) and talked some more. He had to go to Leon to pay a phone bill so he was like, "Hey, wanna go with?" I was like "Sure." But I had to ask my dad first, and he was at work, so we went home to call him. I didnt know his desk number at work and when I called the front desk no one was there because it was after 5, so we just drove around and talked for like 45 minutes waiting for my dad to get home so I could ask. And surprisingly he said yes. So we went to Leon and took a detour through Humeston and Cambria on the way home.. It was loads of fun. And our arms were touching on the armrest like the whole way back. *gush gush* Yeah, its silly.. but it was really warm cuz I was freezing my ass off even though his heat was on high haha.. But yeah.. and then I gave him a hug goodbye. So it was pretty cool. We talked about a bunch of random shit.. like near death experiences, cars, wrestling, girls, guys, relationships, high school.. Leon kids who want to beat Cory up.. haha And he kept thanking me for going with him. Like 5 times.. it was really cute and funny haha. I'm SOO glad I'm single and I have a lot of friends.. yay.. :] Peace.

Ok.. So I just realized I don't have a "formal" introduction haha. How lame. Or not..?? Dunno. Anyways.. I spose I'll insert a rambling introduction here. Because I ramble often. Anywho. I'm trying not to burden my friends so much with my problems.. They already have enough on their hands.. What with Moriah's insecurtiy about Brian, and Kirstie and Cory breaking up, and Adrian.. well, I don't really feel like Adrian would care very much. And Tacy is all upset about Caleb. And thinks she's prego.. Lordy. Anywho, there's really not too many people who I can confide in at the moment. Deffinately not Cameron. For one, it would be really dumb. And for two, he doesn't really worry too much anyway. But yeah.. So I'm trying to keep a blog. Usually it doesn't go over too well.. but I'm gonna try again. If it doesn't work, at least I tried, right?? Ok.. so today was a bust. I left school at 1:15 to get my MRI on my back.. and I was so friggin nervous!! But it turned out ok. We won't get the results til tomorrow though.. :\ Oh well.. And Kirstie keeps on IMing me.. but Lord knows she'll start talking about Cory which is all she ever does. No offens to her I love her.. but right now I can only take so much of other people's problems. Ok so back to my day.. Well I got back with like 10 minutes left in the schoolday. And then Mrs. Arnold told us who would be going to HOBE. Between Ryan, Moriah and me guess who it was? NOT me.. bah. It was Moriah. Lovely. I love that girl to death.. I'd take 100 bullets for her. But she just endlessly talks about stuff that excites her. And it was a big dissapointment. So I really don't want to talk about it right now.. I dunno. I feel really selfish but when I say congrats I want it to be from my heart, you know? Well.. whatever. Pluss this whole Ryan thing.. Gah. Why can't I be rid of him?? I keep thinking about him. I wonder if he likes me. I listen to the music he listens to and look at the lyrics.. to see if it's a hidden message to me. Corny, self-centered, and dumb I know. But my heart is seriously in overdrive here. I'm pretty sure I love Cam, but then Ryan has always been there.. and I'm starting to think that he will be for a long time. And I hate it. When I'm dating someone he's so nice, but when I'm single and he likes me, he doesn't do a thing about it. I mean, he can't take a chance with me, but he can with Laura?? It's so dumb.. he's so confusing. Grr.. And I keep wondering if he still likes me. And it's really dangerous. Cuz I don't want to break Cam's heart like I did Colton's. Or Brady's. Or Sean's. Well, I dunno about Sean. But he's quit his stalker tendencies!! {{Yess!!}} I think Cam said something to him.. At least, that's what Matt said. And he doesn't ever talk to me in the hallways anymore. So that's pretty friggin amazing. Ok. So that really got a load off my chest. Thank goodness.. I know I prolly sound whiny and complain-y.. but this is my only outlet at the moment. ok.. so i origianally wrote that for my personal blog site thingy.. and i was going to erase it but then i realized wow.. this is still how i feel. so then I was like ok whatever ill just keep it. wow. im so tired right now.. i wonder how were doing at wrestling districts.. hmm.. ill ask cory. peace.

Oh my God.. I freaking hate my mother!! She's such a bitch.. So I forget to turn in one little piece of homework for English and she gets on my ass about it. And I'm pretty sure I'm going to be grounded for like two weeks. Which sucks. I hate it.. Grr.. So there goes my social life. Bah.. Well.. On a lighter note. Or maybe not so light.. I cruised with Cory for like an hour last night. I was flipping shit massively. I was thinking way too much.. About Ryan, Cameron, and liking Cory now. So he's like, "Do you want to cruise and talk?" So I was like, "THANK YOU LORD!!" Haha.. It was just what I needed. We talked about everything pretty much. About me reading too much into what Ryan does, about me not knowing how I feel about Cameron anymore.. and a bunch of other stuff. Random shit haha.. And we were going to race Sean Foster but it didn't happen. Poohey. But I got to drive Cory's Corvette! It was friggin AMAZING haha :] And just like he said, it helped alot.. Anywho, writing about Ryan made me think of this thought that's been in my head lately.. I'm not sure if I like Cameron anymore. Like, more than a friend. And I don't really know how I feel about Ryan anymore. I'm not even sure if I really do like Cory, or if I just want a lot of guys.. I like guy-attention. And it's really bad.. But I just feel like I'm at a place where I don't want to be. And today is the day before Valentine's day so naturally our school hands out gifts. Well Cam got me some pretty gorgeous flowers and a really fluffy teddy.. And now I feel like a bitch because I'm going to break up with him in like a week or two. And he's told me he loves me and I've said the same to him.. So it's getting really sticky. Wow. Now I'm rambling. And I can't get any of these thougths out of my head.. So sorry if I bore you with the never-ending details of my love life.. Haha.. But wowzers am I excited to go to prom with Cory.. and in such a dangerous way. I will be way happier in 2 weeks.. or less.. Bad me. >.< Peace.

Adrian's List Para Mi: 1. Cameron 2. Ryan 3. Sean 4. Mason 5. Cainen 6. Keagan (eww..) 7. Matt C - My additions - 8. Matthew (from Leon) 9. Taylor (??) 10. Cory (??) 11. Caleb (??) My List Para Mi Tambien.. {{But it's more me->them}}: 1. Cameron 2. Ryan 3. Cory 4. Caleb Wow.. I am so lame.. this sucks. Oh Geez. And I am texting Ryan and he is having girl problems as usual.. So I asked him which girls were giving him grief now.. and he replyed "-someone- &laura" OMG.. I wonder who that someone is. Is it wrong to wish it were me? I am so screwed up.. But then he goes on to say they only want his junk {{haha..}} Definately not me.. :] And me and Austin are text hubby/wifey lol haha.. that kid is hillarious. Ok I'm done Adrian will come later.

Ok. So this week has been pretty crazy.. For one we have ITEDs. Bleh. And we won our game last night :] After the game I was talking with some kids from Leon who were talking with Sean, so I was just hanging out with them. One of them had tried to wave at me earlier and so our conversation started out on that topic. Anywho.. this one kid was trying to flip my cell phone closed while I was texting Cory and Cameron and then when he was about to leave he asked me for my number! So I gave it to him and got his as well.. his name is Matthew. And he's kinda a choad haha.. But it was really funny. But wow. Kirstie was being the biggest bitch ever. It pissed me off so much. I was with Caleb and Cory pretty much the whole night til Cameron showed up at the beginning of the boy's game (he had tae kwan do). And Cory just broke up with her on Monday at the JV game. So she was texting me from Brady's phone.. She said "Wow Rosemary you really know how to make a person feel like shit." I didn't know it was her so I was like "Wtf??" And she said, "You're like glued to his hip ppl keep asking me where your bf is You always seem to get close to my ex's" I was like, "Well I'm sorry if my having friends bothers you but I'm with Caleb right now if you havent noticed he's really upset right now and Cory is here cuz hes friends with him too." So yeah. And now Cory is kinda pissed and thinks shes a bitch pretty much. Which she was being. I mean, yeah I know she's still in love with him but were friends. And I told her "You know I'm in love with Cameron and I wouldnt do that to you anyway." Geez.. what is this whole thing with people not trusting their friends?? Honestly. And I know what I said in my last entry but I really don't feel that way about either of them. Maybe Cory still a little bit. But I'm beginning to understand that me and Ryan are only friends.. no matter how deep I read into his actions. Cuz I'm lame like that haha.. And Mason keeps telling me to break up with "Cam-Cam". Ha. Like that will happen any time soon. Sorry Mason. He's such a loveable dork but he's just my friend. And so is Sean. Who's talking to me again. Not stalking, just talking. It's a good thing. Ok.. I was going to say something else but I can't really remember.. Hmm.. crazy Rosemary. Oh. Well another good thing is that we went to see the neurologist on Monday and they gave me medication which seems to be helping a lot. My back didnt hurt when I got out of bed this morning :] Happy days are here again hey! Haha.. yeah I'm weird. Oh, and when I write again, remind me to tell you about Adrian's dumbness and other randomness. I have to go now.. Wow, another long entry haha.. Peace.

Today.. I was fried. Emotionally so. I don't even know what to think about what I think anymore. I think I like three guys. Oh yes, Rosemary what's new.. You always have some guy you like. Don't get me wrong. I'm not some pretty preppy princess type whos terminally boy crazy {{I kinda don't like those ppl}}. But what sucks is that: 1. I've liked Ryan for two years and STILL can't get over him even though 2. I'm dating Cameron {{and have had two other boyfriends before him; neither of which were Ryan, and one of which I have many regrets with.. :\}}, but yet that doesn't stop me from 3. Liking Cory, who is dating my best friend. But I'm not even sure about the last. Although it seems like it.. We were talking last night, Cordell and I. About pretty much everything. First we talked about my problem with Ryan.. And he really related. I said something about liking attention from guys way too much and thinking that was most of the problem. Seeing as I have a really bad habit of being a flirt and leading guys on. {{Except I didn't say that last part}} Anywho, He said he related to that. He's dating Kirstie but thinks he likes Yvette. And as long as I'm being stark honest, it really disappointed me. I wanted to be her. But I spose he wouldn't really tell me if he did.. Haha. And I know he likes Tacy cuz of their little "date" the other night. Well anyways.. we were talking about how he's an amazng chef and I told him "Well I'm jelous.. you'll have to make me something sometime." And he said "I'll make you some sugar cookies." So then I accused him of trying to make me fat {{haha}} and he said "You're all skin and bones." Then he's like "You have one of the best bodies in the school. If you don't mind me saying." Bah! Cory you can't say those kinds of things to me.. And then I think he might invite me to prom. Which would be cool. Cuz then maybe he can finally take me to a party. :D Like he says he will. And then make sure I don't get drunk.. ?? Well wheres the fun in that?? He said he would stay sober cuz he wouldn't want to "try to make a move on me". Ha.. That made me laugh. And wonder.. What would it be like if I kissed Cory? Wow. Bad Rosemary. >.< My mind is officially screwed up. Screwed over. And holy poop I sound emo. Haha.. I'm totally not. Like the exact opposite. Theres just so much going through my head at the moment. Like the whole Ryan thing. I think I read into his actions way too much.. but I don't know how to stop the way I think. I dunno.. you decide: 1. He stole Christopher's iPod last week when we were in the library. When he went to give it back to her {{we were sitting Ryan, Me, Christopher. I was in the middle. See?}}, he put his left hand on my shoulder and reached around behind me with his right arm to put it back on the table beside her. 2. Well, first off, before that, he chose to sit next to me. He could've sat next to Spencer or at the end of the other row of computers. 3. He talks to me all the time during Mrs. Berdnt's class. When he's playing a game, he'll be all "Oh this game is really hard" or "This level is really hard." And then I'll end up rolling my chair closer to him to watch him play and we'll just sit like that. Or sometimes he'll watch me play a game. But yeah. 4. He plays the same songs over and over.. and I know this sounds rediculous but I feel like their messages to me. Songs in question: Everything I Want - The Maine All I Want - Staind Ok I have to get off so I'll continue my ramble at a later date.. So much to say.. Meh. Peace.