What I hate is that I could be an awesome person. I could be the It guy. But I'm weak. Physically and socially. Not to be vain, but I could have the look, I just need to not be underweight. If I had a better build, I'd be a sharp eye. If that's even a phrase. I'm socially weak. My whole childhood, I've felt like nobody ever cared what I had to say. I've always had problems talking, and I became self conscious of it. So I stopped talking. This was VERY early on. Now that I'm older and grew out of my shyness a bit, I talk more. Sometimes. Not always. But when I talk, it's because I'm excited and antsy, so I end up talking Too much. And I try to make up for my lack of social skills by talking a lot, because I'm not used to social situations. So I talk too much. And nobody wants to listen. Throughout my whole life and even to this day, I feel like nobody wants to listen to me. Which isn't all bad, because I'm a pure listener. I don't talk. I listen. But I want to talk. I want to be normal. Be able to hold a conversation. I want to be likable. And I am. I am likable. But when this caged, sheltered side of me comes out, I feel like people don't like me. The problem is, no matter what, when someone's talking to me, I play along. I give a courtesy laugh if they say something "funny." I act somber and provoked when they talk about their problems. I can't handle when people don't even try to play along. And, physically, I think if I were stronger, more fit, the hyperness wouldn't be such a problem. A hyper, fit, hot guy is cute. A hyper, skinny pile of awkward bones is just annoying. I wish I could tone myself down. I know I'm being obnoxious. But I can't stop myself. I get so antsy. I get too worked up. I get on a roll. Aurevoir

I let my heart drain into the wind because I like the feeling. But I've never been kind on the thought of letting it flow into another vein (Don't take that filthily. It's not a metaphor.) I'm just saying, I always kind of make up this person, this imaginary person, to sit with me. To lay down and watch movies with me. To fall asleep next to me. Because it's human nature to want that confidant. And I often feel sad because I don't have any of that. Because I'm missing a few huge aspects of life. But I wouldn't give a thought to actually having a significant other. It's not my thing. I can't do it. I can't handle it. I mean, the person would have to be Perfect. Molded from my own two hands. And not out of teracotta. Out of modeling clay. So that when I get sick of certain things, I can alter it. Because otherwise I'll start to hate the person. Hate comes so easy to me when I like someone. "It's a long way down when all the knots we've tied have come undone" But sometimes I just really long for a hand to hold. And this weather doesn't help. This nice weather gives me too many emotions. Too much nostalgia for things that never were. It makes me long for love. Adventure. Excitement. Freedom. I don't know how to handle it. So, I stick to making up a person. And I don't think another human could replace this figment of my imagination. And that's a problem. Aurevoir

There's a chance of me sounding hypocritical, here, but sobeit. One of the things that drives me insane is the hipsters who cannot do ANYTHING "mainstream." Ok, yeah, I hate when things are mainstream. I love when I'm the only one who knows of stuff. I love loving things that nobody else loves or has ever heard of. I hate when everything is overproduced and everywhere. I hate it. I do. But I hate it SO much when people are all "I/You can't like this song because it's their most popular song." It's their most popular song because it's their best, maybe? So why can't you enjoy something that is obviously good? Seriously. "Reading The Hunger Games. I hate myself for going mainstream." Shut the fuck up. It's a good book. Maybe you should have read it a long time ago. -Sure, I hate that it's going to be the most popular movie and everyone wants to see it and everyone loves it, now. When I read it, nobody has really even heard of it. "At least it's not In The Aeroplane Over The Sea, Because you can't listen to an indie band correctly and listen to their MOST FAMOUS SONG!" Shut the fuck up. Seriously. Shut all the fucks up. The bottom line is: Like what you like. Listen to what you like. Watch what you like. Read what you like. Because it's about your personal enjoyment. Sure, popularity taints things. Sure, some things are ruined. But that doesn't mean you can't still enjoy it. And that doesn't mean you must not proceed to any door that says "Welcome." So shut the fuck up stop being a dicktit. Aurevoir

You laugh while you choke
On your coffee and smoke
And it's time to tell you the tale

Of the time that I broke myself
Bleeding alone
In the street that I knew too well

All our accidents pay off
In some destined way
I'm ready to cash it all in
'Cause this bony clutz
Lined with cigarette butts
Has found home drinking cheap wine and gin

They say Mary never
Gave birth in December
Some lies will forever be told
Some say I wasn't
A proper husband
Some say that I got too old

Looking at you
And your eyes filled with dew
I think they might've been right
No man should lead
His girl to believe
That everything's going alright

*This started out as wanting to be a song about an easy love. It ended up being about suicide. Funny how that works out.

It's one thing to be annoyed at people with bad grammar. People who just don't try. Who have lost any foundation on what grammar is. "lik, dnt b all krazy @ mi 4 luvn mi boo." But the people who mix up "Their, they're, there" and "You're, your." Yeah, you can be a little annoyed at them sometimes, but you should just overlook it. There's limitations. Some people get to the point where you're just a huge asshole. Not everyone received the education you did. And this is the Internet. Get over it. Most of the time, the person who made the mistake knows the correct term. But this is the internet. So they type fast and don't pay attention. But then they realise they made the mistake, go to fix it, and then see that you're already a dick and complaining about it. It's one thing if you're just kindly correcting, because the post you made is important. But that's usually not the case. Intelligence is key. But learn when it's needed. And don't be an asshole about it. Aurevoir