This is what happens when I'm supposed to be writing a 5 page paper. Music: Think Western Swing-y I guess ============ She was nineteen She was blind She could make you any kind of pie But they all taste the same They all taste like turpentine She’d take ‘em to her neighbor That mailbox down the street He’s quite a skinny boy But, lord he sure can eat And she loved him so Even though he had no feet Yeah, her hearts aglow For the little boy who doesn’t speak One cold February She made him cherry pie It tasted like Pine-Sol mixed with iodine But it didn’t matter He liked it just as well But she had to feed him ‘Cause he can’t do it himself The boy has no arms He just stands there in the cold She always wondered why He just sits there in the snow Then one Friday morning She heard the wheels of a van A woman came out and stood next to her man So she punched her in the shoulder Called that lady a fat ox Said the lady, “I’m just putting this package in the box” Oh, there’s hell to pay He’s been cheating on the girl Yeah, she tried to fight Fell right off the street curb She got a concussion Blood puddles on the ice Didn’t make it to the doctor’s Before she lost her life And that girl died young Right next to her wooden guy He couldn’t move He could only watch her die He stayed there forever Always standing by her side

This is really long. But it's earlate, and I'm in the mood to post long, redundant journals. ----- Life is just not really going my way, lately. Not in the "I'm so emo and dark and angsty junk" way. But I only have a total of 3 "friends" left in town. I saw one of them today, because she needed a ride. The other two, I haven't seen in a month. I have 5 projects due in a bit more than a week. Plus a research paper that I should have started on. I got my first job. It's just a seasonal job. My first day, first hours are "Black Friday: 2:45 AM to 11:45 AM." My first day Ever working, I work 2:45 AM on Black Friday. The worst day of the year to start your job life. The only thing that is any Good is that I think my relationship with my parents is getting better. I mean, I'm not as monotonous around them anymore. I've opened up a tad. Which may be a result of lack of social life. It hasn't snowed yet. Knock on wood. I have no idea how it hasn't. But I kind of want it to snow. Although, no I don't. But I do. But ultimately I don't. I just need to move. Start over. I can't express how badly I want to go to Canada. It's literally taunting me, now. The last two days, I've been seeing nothing but Canada. Seriously, though, life. Throw me a bone. My wish is to go to Canada, and be a friggen Canadian! Am I really asking that much? To go from being American to Canadian?? If I took a pole, most people would say I'm downgrading. So, what.. I'd rather have a girl who'd rather go 5 dollar bowling instead of 50 dollar dinner or whatever. Who has a slight case of social retardation instead of a large case of social whorification. === I just don't find it fair. I'm not a bad person. I'm nice. I'm polite. I've got my sense of humor. I'm pleasant to be around. There is nothing wrong with me, at all. I'm the kind of guy you're parents would want you to hang out with. Inside and out. (Maybe that's the problem) But all that is wasting away behind this computer, or books, or stupid papers for a college that 1. I don't want to go to, 2. Isn't respected and 3. Has nothing for me. Maybe it's the weather talking, but it's just been very empty lately. It didn't always bother me. And it still doesn't 100%, but it bothers me enough for me to be bothered by it. I'm just too much of a dreamer. There's no realist in me.

I feel like telling Mary (Who's known I like her since June) that I wish she never found out I liked her. Because I do wish it. Greatly. I loved when she didn't know. It was a secret, mysterious relationship. It was a game. And it was a fun game. But now it's like. . . It's like a good book. While you are reading it, you think "Wow, this book is amazing." But then you get to the last paragraph, and that last sentence just lacks the emotion you hoped for, and so now the whole book is kind of ruined because the last sentence failed. It was nice while you were reading it, but it just leaves you with a final thought of "eh.." Me telling Mary I liked her was that last paragraph of this book. It just kind of ruined it. ============================ I want it back. I wish I could take it back. I want someone in my life who I fall madly for, but keep it a secret. It can be sad at times, but it's worth it to me. I'd rather live my life with unrequited love than a real relationship. But I now have no one. I really don't have Anyone in my life, anymore. Those who ARE in my life are only in it for once a month, on average. I wonder what it'd be like right now if it never happened.