"If a Nice Guy was called on to take care of a critical, needy, or dependent parent, he received a double dose of toxic shame. A child believes he should be able to please a critical parent, fix the problems of a depressed parent, and meet the needs of a smothering parent. Unfortunately, he can't. As a result of their inability to fix, please, or take care of one or more parents, many Nice Guys developed a deep-seated sense of inadequacy. They believed they should be able to do the job. Nevertheless, they never could seem to do it right or good enough — mom was still depressed, dad was still critical. This internalized sense of inadequacy and defectiveness is carried into adulthood. Some Nice Guys compensate by trying to do everything right. They hope that by doing so, no one will ever find out how inadequate they are. Other Nice Guys just give up before they try. This feeling of inadequacy prevents Nice Guys from making themselves visible, taking chances, or trying something new. It keeps them in the same old rut, never seeing how talented and intelligent they really are. Everyone around them can see these things, but their distorted childhood lenses won't let them accurately see their true potential and ability. The result of this distorted self-image is an emotional and cognitive glass ceiling. This invisible lid prevents Nice Guys from being all they can be. If they do try to rise above it, they bump their heads and tumble down to more familiar territory. Deprivation Thinking Prevents Nice Guys From Getting the Life They Want Not having their needs adequately met in childhood created a belief for Nice Guys that there wasn't enough of what they needed to go around. This deprivation experience became the lenses through which they viewed the world. This paradigm of scarcity and deprivation makes Nice Guys manipulative and controlling. It causes them to believe they better hang on to what they've got and not take too many chances. It leads them to resent other people who seem to have what they lack. Because of their deprivation thinking, Nice Guys think small. They don't believe they deserve to have good things. They find all kinds of ways to make sure their view of the world is never challenged. They settle for scraps and think it is all they deserve. They create all kinds of rationalizations to explain why they will never have what they really desire. Because of their self-fulfilling beliefs, Nice Guys rarely live up to their potential or get what they really want in life." I'm reading this book and virtually everything in this book pretty much hits the nail on the head. I'm starting to realise how screwed up I am. The feeling I get recollecting the memories of me being critisized by people such as my parents for just doing something wrong makes me sad.

My mum got angry at me for not studying for computer exam that I failed. She said she will not support me for university. I have planned a house party at my house with some friends and my life was bright until the moment before she said that. I'm so fucking depressed again and right now I feel like I have nothing to live for. I want to get fucking weed so it will calm the fuck down. Instead, I'm listening to music right now. Regaining manhood is hard when you have a controlling, critical, needy, dependent mother and no father figure. I have to pass the test on Friday to show that I'm not what she thinks about who I am. And I need to find people who will genuinely care about my problems and not judge me in a way that makes me feel bad.