Shit it's nice out. Wish I could enjoy it with someone. I feel so much better since I cut that last piece of rope I was hanging from. I swear my mood has improved and I seem to have lost a few pounds. I mean I'm still fat but I feel good dammit.

I found out the other night that this girl I was head over heels in love with during high school..oh how do I put this lightly...she's a slut. See I always knew there wasn't something perfect about her and every time I'd ask her on a date, she's give me the lets be friends routine. For four years she said no. And it fucking killed me every time. But I figure we've been calling each other friends for like twelve years and it's like what the hell do we know about each other. Jack shit is my answer and that's the truth. So for the six years since I graduated I've been thinking about her on and off; and my mood was pretty depressed. I'd perk myself up by saying stuff like "will she remember me" or "you know what? It was high school, just move on." Until last night and I hit paydirt. I normally don't go on the words of others but I was chatting with a friend who has told me things and has yet to be wrong. Yada Yada Yada and I find out she's a size queen with a penchant for black people and she's been getting around. (I'm half-black BTW which may/may not count for anything) I just started dying with laughter and I still can't believe it. I fucking knew there wasn't something perfect with her and it turns out I was right!! I don't have that weight that's been holding me down. I'm not depressed when I think of her. I can only laugh. I can finally cut that last piece of rope I've been hanging on to and move on. I'm falling and it feels so good. I have my dignity compared to other people that I know. I can finally not look back at that part of my life. Fuck it and keep going forward. And maybe sing a little tune along the way. I'm normally not an emotional person (or a social one) but shit it felt good to get this out.

Testicles. That is all.

I was at the library just now and saw a very beautiful woman browsing some books. From the looks, I would say around 40 or so. Sure I'm 24 but she didn't have a ring on and she looked my way a few times. Should I try to maneuver for a coffee date next time I see her. Just talking and what not?

Went to my first Izod IndyCar race at New Hampshire Motor Speedway yesterday and all I have to say is HOLY SHIT!! Got to see both races (Indy Lights 100 and the MoveThatBlock.com 225) and it's simply amazing. I've always passed by the track and you know it's freakin huge; but then I went inside the first time and walking from the parking lot and eventually getting to the seats (which were killer by the way. Got to see the whole track) you have this sense of "This is fucking huge!" and it was. Sadly the main race was cut 5 laps short due to rain but I don't care. All I know is that I'm going back next year. Also got a free ticket for the world championships at Las Vegas Motor Speedway which I can't go to. I'm thinking of sending it to my sister if she wants to go. If not then I'll throw it on eBay and hopefully I'll get a decent price. So...how was your weekend?

Some douchebag just pulled into the lot next to my house revving his engine. Wow I'm supposed to be impressed that you drive a Porsche??? I'd love to go Caddyshack on his car right now. You know, vomit inside it and when he sits down. I know it's a mean thought but this guy is a douchebag.

Had a Zagnut bar for the first time. A bit odd.

I suppose this would be the dark side of progress. AMD has a new line of processors coming out in June which is wonderful but it turns out that I can't use them on my current board. I'd have to not only buy the processor but buy an entirely new board along with new memory. It's warm out right now. Feels kind of uncomfortable.

I can't sleep. I've been like this for the last few nights. I'm getting roughly four hours of sleep a night and it's killing me. Ugh... This day just sucked so much. Thankfully tomorrow I can start anew.

Ok. I've been out of high school for about 5 years now and I hated it so much. Yesterday I had this moment of I have no idea what; but I actually wanted to go back. I'm just...I think I have had enough winding down time and I want to get back into the swing of things. You know I've never had a girlfriend? I'm not *** or anything, I just had this mindset of "it's high school. Anybody you hook up with won't mean a thing after you graduate." I know I'm wrong (I think); but that's how I kind of feel. I never really made time for anyone anyways, I always had my own things to do.