idk what to do. this is driving me crazy and im not in control. i can't fix this. and im scared. i dont like not having control, especially of something like this. i need it to stop. i need it all to just stop

i knew this was going to happen. i opened up and i got hurt. its what always happens. and he wudnt listen to me when i said that. when i said that if i opened up i would get hurt. he didnt believe me. and now im more hurt than ive been in a long while. idk where its going to go from here. but i know where its not going. and i know whats not going to happen. and if thinks that any of it is going to happen now hes mistaken. this might be that last chance. i just hoped it wud take more than a week for this.

fucking son of a bitch. just because u are the fucking devil does not mean im going to pay you just to live in my own fucking house. you disgust me. every last fucking part of you makes me want to believe that im adopted. how the hell could i possibly be related to you? youre a fucking monster. you dont deserve anyone. you dont deserve your children. you do deserve however to rot in hell.

one more chance is all he gets. if he screws this one up its over for good. no more second chances.no more promising me the world. i let you back in. dont screw it up

i like it when youre stable i had a mental break down. i locked myself in the bathroom for 30 min and just cried. i couldnt do anything else. with you telling me im costing you hundreds of dollars and you'd rather i didnt live with you, to just moving in general, adn having a lisence and not beign able to drive bc no one wants to take responisbility for me. to failing german and to you breaking your promises. everything is piling up at once and my emotions are on over load and i cant deal with it. i chipped a fucking bowl and you freaked out. thank you for bringing this on. i appriciate it you know how important he is to me dad and to say i cant even hang out with him for an hour or two the night before psats, i just cant believe it. you see your gf almost every day and i can only see james at school. its been that way for almost 2 months. and you say you know its hard adn that you get it. you dont. i may only be 16, and i may want to wring his neck sometimes or break up with him, but when you know how much this means to me and you still say no, it makes it hard to look at you. i need to get out of here. i have to go someplace im loved adn wanted. and its not here. it never will be.

friday was 2 years. he moved out 2 years ago. and yeah i say its better this way. but it hurts to not remember what being a family is like. i try so hard to remember waking up every morning and finding both of you there adn i cant. i cant remember. every night for the past week, i've cried. even when you guys were sleeping over i cried. im putting on a brave face. im trying to be strong but i cant always hold it together the house is going on the market tomorrow. i dont wanna move. this house is the only thing remaining of my family. if we move it truly is over. "in our family portrait we look pretty happy let's pretend let's act like it comes naturally"

P!INK concert tonight was absolutly amazing. oh yeah. and fuck you. when something youre saying upsets my friend, damn right im going to say something. she was upset and if i "screamed" its cuz we're at a fucking concert. jeezus christ. and u know what? u werent trying to tlak ot me. when t wanted a picture and she asked if u wud smile u said no. so if thats not "sulking" then idk what is. but if u get mad wen i stand up for myself when u call me stupid then idk. i shudnt have to defend my intelligence to one of my best friends who shud have heard me all the other times i said to stop before having to get into an argument over it. like seriously. u say u hate when ppl say ur stupid. u do the same fucking thing and im tired of it. no more shit from anyone. im done.