im starting to think that maybe i should break up with him. my boyfriend, i mean. hes so ordinary. so average. theres nothing special about him. he has no talents. he has no personality. he has no looks. i forgot why i fell in love with him in the first place. maybe i never actually fell in love. i just thought i did. after three hours of non-stop practicing, i finally can play "your call" by secondhand serenade on the guitar. im pleased with myself. something that i havent felt in a very long time. i have to finish reading my books for this summer. i only have until the 28th to finish. i have... 540 pages to read. i figure that if i read 50 pages a day ill finish in a little over a week. that shouldn't be too difficult to pull off. i hate it when people text me only because they need something. like "hey can you give me a ride to blah blah blah" or "hi! are you going to blah blah blah". but worst of all is when people stop answering texts. have you no decency to say goodbye? /se.

im so tired. not physically. more of like an emotional tiredness. im tired of the way things are. its all getting old. and every day is a repition of the day before. i've always been so afraird of change, but now im starving for it. graduation isnt that far away if you really think about. and i have no idea what i'm going to do after high school. i'm thinking of maybe applying to an art college because i love all types of art; music, drawing, painting, writing. everything. but i havent really put much thought into it. its scary to think of. such a big transition. so ill stop talking about that. my boyfriend is also scaring me with all the things he says. he says i'm "the one" and that he wants to be with me forever. he even got me a promise ring. its just so... terrifying. im too young to think about that kind of a future with him.... right? and i'm not even sure i want to be with him the rest of my life. ill just cross my fingers and hope that all the pieces fall in place, perfectly. /se.

this is my journal, yay. :] im not going to claim to be some amazing writer or anything. because im not. i just like to express myself. and this is my way of doing it. this really isnt an actual post. just like an introduction. an epilouge. hense the title. /se.