Set on finding my way home. Finding myself, let alone my escape. Doing everything I pride myself on not doing. Pour the champagne, and say it never happened. Say it‘ll never happen again. Perhaps it will. Again, and again. And take this all away from you. Last nights regrets falling in the form of tears. This morning’s getaway. Reckless at best. Acting out and acting sober. Acting innocent. But the script is getting old. Trustworthy. Oh, so trustworthy. Quintessential and dignified. You don’t know what I’m capable of. I’m not the only one lying. Can I keep this secret that makes me hate myself? Stars can‘t save me now. Tired eyes tell of wicked lies. Stealing glances and taking chances without giving them back. Sit back and watch my world fall apart. Every single word I say doesn’t mean a thing. We’re so condescending underneath night skies. What if, what if. I’ve been shooting from the hip, creating lies and alibis. Doing nothing, saying something. Doing something, saying nothing. Trigger the breakdown. Do that thing you do, follow up my cue. Every move you make just takes you further down. It‘s the same game I play, ‘til the bend becomes the break. Stumbling up and down the concrete looking for something to regret. Spilling ourselves out of half empty bottles. Slipping up, we’re liquored up. Drink the poison. Fuel the fire. Can we pretend that it never even happened? I will sing myself to sleep, cause you’ve made a liar out of me. I’m waking up to a mess of nerves, attempting to turn my insides out. Pretending that my mind is clear. Scheme away the day. What’s your motive? Slur your words a little more. Fumble with the keys. Cigarettes on doorsteps. I don’t do this. I don’t do things like this. This isn’t me. I’m afraid, for all the wrong reasons. Just one more drink. Me, me, me. At fault and all my fault. Don’t take the blame. How did we let things play out like this? Are you up to the same old antics? Can you hear me? Am I starving for attention? Skipping songs and skipping meals. Skipping ropes and smiling faces filled with innocence. Make me smile, take away all that I’ve been. Forgive me for who I’m not. Remind me of who I’m supposed to be. Wake me up. Oh please, wake me up. Let me out. Don’t turn me down. I’m tired of starting the day just to close the curtains. For beds I shouldn’t have slept in and sleep I should’ve found by now. I’ve sold myself so short. Put it down to the city lights. Put on that pretty dress and waste that pretty smile. Drink for drink. Lie for lie. Put on your dance shoes, I‘ll show you pretence, I‘ll show you decadence. I’m burning bridges and I can’t breathe with this burning in my chest. Shiver off all you believed I was. I don‘t need your coat. It’s just a matter of time. Am I more than you bargained for? Why bother trying to compensate? Overcompensate. Game over. Set the story “straight” and take this one to your grave. Lies that drop like pants and jaws. Take my hand. Fingers intertwined and lips pressed. Lips that belong to someone else. A puppet without strings. Is it any wonder I can’t sleep anymore? Crying in the car, parked in the street. Writing notes you’ll never see. Hush, now. Forgive me if I’m wrong to think this isn’t over yet. We’ve so far to come. We’re so far from what we know. So close to all we’ve thrown away. Knock another one back. Muster up a straight face, I’ll keep my face in my hands. Get what you want and break what you get. I’m only as loyal as my options. What a nice smile you have, all the better to hide behind. Hide from consequence. This quivering lip gives me away. I guess this feeling serves me right. Here‘s to you. We’ll get away with making excuses again, if only for today. Searching in all the wrong places and finding all the right [now] things. Cheap shot after cheap shot. No need for a spine just to betray the best of you. Do your utmost to keep this up. Kisses upon necks. But keep the volume down. Sit alone and reflect on the blur of deep breaths and deeper holes we’ve dug. These things we did won’t get around. These words we said won’t make a sound. Picking up what’s left of myself. Stay up all night trying to piece it back together. Black marks on our identities. Lust > trust. What were we thinking? “Don’t beat yourself up about it.” This isn’t getting any easier. And I thought the stakes were high back then. What would you think of me now? Caught in the scene, lusting everything.