I've spent twelve days here, and they've gone as fast as they've come. Part of me is really happy to be heading home tomorrow, part of me is cutting myself down for not enjoying this trip entirely like I should have. I've got reason to be upset though. I've missed my soccer team pictures, our soccer team vs. the boys team (lost 5-0 because I wasn't there hah), first day of school, tomorrow I will miss the second day of school, hardcore rain, etc. And of course I've missed my dad and my cat and my dog. And Eddie... which is really ridiculous because for the first time since I've met him, I've been upset with him. Like, I can't talk on the phone here because it costs my abuelita like, 3 euros a minute for international calls. So we decided on messages through Myspace. Most of the time I would type a novel for him (like I do on here haha) and he would reply with the same monotone message which would go something like this. "Well I'm glad you had fun :) And don't worry I'll get to see you soon. I really miss you. (insert one-sentence current event here). Well I love you Natalie :) -Eddie" Something along those lines, anyways. Right now my abuelita and uncle and mom and sister are watching Volver because it has Penelope Cruz in it and they're just trying to squeeze all the Spanish out of this trip. Hah. I'm in here listening to my Samsung. It would take me so long to write about everything that happened on this trip. But I've done a whole lot. Been to many many famous places. The sunsets here are incredible. My abuelita has an incredible view from the balcony, the view of the sun dropping behind La Sierra (this mountain range). Very nice. It was a great trip. Tomorrow at seven I'm getting up, checking in the airport at nine, leaving at eleven for another monotonous seven hours across the Atlantic Ocean to Atlanta. Spending a little over four hours at that gigantic airport and then flying to Pensacola, which thankfully only takes a little over an hour. So by the time I get home, it's gonna be like eight at night. Which is 3 in the morning here, and the jetlag is going to kill me. Then there's school the very next morning, and I've already missed the easiest two days of the year. Sucks! But I'm so excited to start school again. I've got a top locker and I suppose good classes. 3 with Karen. Yayyy. I suppose I've written enough. Now I guess I'll go band-hunting for recreation. I should be going to bed soon. I won't be getting more than six hours of sleep. And my mom isn't going to let me sleep on the plane so that way I can sleep all night when I get home. Wish me luck, whoever's reading this. Haha.

It's infested with megalomania. I'm sure every single country, city, town, and school suffers from it. Recently, I was listening to "Hey John, What's Your Name Again?" by The Devil Wears Prada, when I began to pay more attention to the lyrics, and I drew a conclusion from them, and to what other people had said. It's relation to a short story called "The Ones Who Walk Away From Omelas" by Ursula K. Le Guin is also helpful. It seems as if the song was written according to what Le Guin had written. Let's begin with facing the facts: individualism is an increasingly dissolving value found, in this case, in teenagers and older college students. Even college graduates. We follow magazines such as Cosmopolitan and Seventeen as if they were our bibles. The majority of people do things because they've seen them before, glamourized by high-paid fashion models in ads. They strive for utopia in their society, which is clearly impossible, because there is no such thing as perfection, except in God. God did not create us to be exactly like the other, otherwise He would have created us all at once, and we would not have been given free will. He made us each separately, one at a time, so that we may each have our chance at impacting the world. And we know we can't hide from it- it's everywhere. It's plastered on your networking website. It's walking down your halls in between classes. It's entering your brain each time you flip the switch on your television remote (i.e. reality shows, rap music videos, advertisements). So why bother to turn your head the other way, dress the way you please, listen to the music you want to, engage in activities that interest YOU? The truth is, many of us are weak, crack under the pressure, and we put on a mask that hides who we truly are, who we could be. Then why don't we just all follow the cliche, put on that same mask that the rest of the how many million people in The United States are wearing, become clones of each other, and abuse our free will? Because we're afraid of what other people might think. I say take a chance. Take off your mask, show the world who you truly are, whether they be accepting or not. It's even difficult for some people to believe that while I was at Covecrest for a week, I actually found God's grace, and I basked in it's glory. I actually grew closer to Jesus Christ within a mere six days in the mountains of northeast Georgia. Is it really that hard to believe? Just because 99% of the rest of the world isn't as close to God as I am, it does not mean it cannot occur. It did. I'm not sorry that I'm not like the rest of you, and the only thing on my mind all day is the party tonight or if my hair is frizzing. Because it's not. Oh, and forgive me if you perceive this as me shunning you for not being as close to God as I am. Believe me, it is not the case. I am just using it as an example as one of the values there are in people today (religion). It doesn't matter to me if you go to church at all, or if you believe in God. It's just an example. Basically, I'm just making my statement about my perception of the world today. I believe that if we could just break apart from everyone else for a little while and find out who we really are, we could eliminate labels altogether, and obtain individuality in the majority of us. I did it. So can you. It isn't easy, but it is well worth it in the long run. No, I'm not trying to run some campaign to change the world. I'm just speaking for myself. This is what runs through my mind each day. If you've read this whole thing, I really thank you a lot. And Christian or not, God loves you for who you are. He created you to be an individual. You should never feel like you have to be as great as the person you see in the limelight. They're not great. To me, they're the lowest part of society. However, there are exceptions. But in general, everyone pretty much follows some sort of cliche. Just know it is not permanent.

So I totally did not write anything for like, several weeks, and in these several weeks, I've finished my six week training with Coach Rob (Praise God!) and I've gone to Covecrest. If I had to write everything about Covecrest, I'd be here all freakin' day. I'm debating over whether the week at my aunt's was better or the week at Covecrest was better. To sum it up in a sentence or two, I've never been so close to Jesus Christ in my entire life. The people you meet, and the activities you do, and the environment, they're all so great and unforgettable. I wish I could say it changed my life, but I can't, because reality is already setting in and I'm getting back to the old life here in this judgemental town of mine. Okay, three sentences. NO MORE. My mom has been noticing that I've been depressed for absolutely no reason in the world. I've got everything great going for me. Everything! And yet I still have those days where I just lock myself in the bathroom, and I see the razor out of the corner of my eye. I'm just being honest, the other day I really felt like just going for it. I never have before. But I was just so sad. And I pray a lot. It works for maybe a day or two, then it fades, and I'm back at the bottom of the pit. So I've decided to see a doctor about it. My dad called them today to set up an appointment. Maybe I'll get put on antidepressants or something. I hate doing this too, because I know it makes Eddie really sad. He's given me everything I could ask for. I hate making him sad. But hopefully this is the light at the end of the tunnel. Who knows. I want to get the appointment in before I go to Spain, which is Thursday, but I doubt it. I know I'm going to be depressed while I'm there, I just know I am. And being on the top floor at my grandmother's apartment is not helping at all. I'm going to go 2 weeks without seeing Eddie. Or talking to him on the phone. Ah. I haven't been there in 3 years so I'm pretty excited though. Miss my Abuelita and Abuelito and Tio Kike. Currently, I'm loading up on good songs to listen to on the airplane, airport, etc. I think I've got a plane from Pensacola to Atlanta, and I'm spending like six hours waiting for my plane to Madrid. Sucks, but I'll have music! I hope they have an internet cafe.