Last summer, I wsa watching basketball to kill time. Who knew I would find there the boy that I still have a crush on right now? Yes, I know. It's been one year and I still have a crush on him. I still like him. But until now, we're not friends. I don't think that he knows me too. Nevertheless, I don't care. What I want to care about is me liking him. You know this feeling when you like someone but he's out of your taste and you just don't know why you like him that much? The answer to that is.. YOU'RE ATTRACTED TO HIM. But scratch that, "when he's out of your taste" line because he is so damn hot! Of course because he is a basketball player. And what do you have in mind? Of course muscles and abs, baby vamp! He sure have this nice body. Unfortunately, I haven't seen his abs, though. Because after their game, guys usually take off their jerseys. Yes. He takes off his, too, but he turns away. Still, I'm gonna give him one point for doing that. Why? Because at least he's being a gentleman. But if I saw those mouth-watering abs, I would definitely give him hundred points! Okay, to tell you the truth last summer I really like him. After that, it's school time and it was the time where I wasted alot of opportunities with him. It's because someone made me not straight. You know what I mean. In gender, I wasn't straight at that time. She took my mind away from him at that time. So when those times like it was a perfect time to talk to him, I didn't do anything because I was really so into her. I didn't even thought of talking to him at that time. I was so stupid, I know. But this time, I won't let any perfect time pass. I would grab each and every opportunity. Until now, this summer, I watched them play and win the championship. I remember the time when they lost. It was their first lost in the game and he really was so upset that he took off immediately after the game. So what I did was I followed him. I was behind him when he was walking alone, sad and upset. I felt what he felt. I was sad too, becasuse seeing him that way made me a little sad. At least at his deepest moments, I was beside him and I was watching those every steps he took. I also remember the time when they won the championship. I came at the second half of the game for support to my brother and mostly to him. So I really prayed to God that they would win. And they did. After the game, I was really happy for him. When we were outside the court, my brother's friend took my hand abd shook it, I didn't know what was happening but I just laughed it off, and then I saw him smiling at me. All the way, he was smiling at me, It was May 5, 2008. The date that I would never forget. The night where he first gave me his smile. ;) I still like him, alway have, always will. I won't let any opportunities pass at this time. I promise. :) He's the one who makes each of my summer memorable. Even though he doesn't know it. Xo, Totsmybody

I thought of having an account here in SongMeanings so that I could have this journal thing. So congratulations to me, this is my first journal entry. This summer, I have uncovered a secret that will never leave me even if it will be fixed. It will just stay with me until I die. Unless I talk to someone about it and just let it out of my system just for awhile but I can't. The secret that I uncovered will ruin me and not only me but also my whole family. The day I knew everything about it, I didn't know what to do. Of course, you should expect that I will tell you that I was in tears for a long time and until now, when I think about it, I just want to cry until I sleep or I forget about it just for a moment. It's hard to say but it's still bugging me until now. What can I do? Keep my mouth shut for now. That's the safest way to do it. It's just because I care about my family so much and I would do anything to save it. Maybe because this is the one that I asked God to give me. The Sacrifice. I never thought it would be this one. I know all about this a long time ago and it's still coming back and it never stopped. I just hope I should've done something back then. But what do I know? Im just a kid at that time and who knew that I know what was happening. The reason why I asked for a sacrifice is because I want him to feel light and I just asked God to give me something that would make him feel better. So he answered my prayer. He gave me that sacrifice and I never thought that I would still be suffering until now. I hope he feels real better this time. Now that I know everything about his lies. I changed around him. Before, I was so caring to him, so sweet. Now, I'm cold as ice to him. Those hugs and kisses that I gave him after knowing everything meant NOTHING TO ME. This hate that I feel towards him will never be cured. It never will. Xo Totsmybody