today was fantastic :] until 2 hours ago, of course. i can just never have a good day, ever. the guy i like; yeah well i was talking to him today. and he was upset about fighting with his girlfriend and plus he had a headache. he hid it at first, but it was obvious that there was something wrong, its not hard to tell. i dont know his girlfriend. but in my personal opinion, i think she's a bitch. i'm not trying to be mean about it at all, but i dont think she deserves him. i mean, im sure he would disagree, but she cant expect him to be perfect, right? ha..try telling that to her. he's amazing, i wish he knew that. he thinks so low of himself, i think its because of her she doesnt treat him well. and she tells him what to do. i definitely dont aprove. but thats not my decision, and he tells me he likes me and that i make him happy. i just wish he would realize how much i really like him, and how much better he would be without her. i dont know, maybe im wrong. maybe i just like him so much that im blinded but anyway. i made a list, of reasons i shouldnt have a boyfriend 1.) im different when i have a boyfriend 2.) whoever im with i probably wont marry 3.) i hate the world

i'm just one of those people that trip ^ the stairs :]

I remember the times we spent together on those drives We had a million questions all about our lives and when we got to New York everything felt right I wish you were here with me tonight I remember the days we spent together were not enough and it used to feel like dreamin' except we always woke up Never thought not having you here now would hurt so much Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up I need your loving hands to come and pick me up And every night I miss you I can just look up and know the stars are holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight I remember the time you told me about when you were eight And all those things you said that night that just couldn't wait I remember the car you were last seen in and the games we would play All the times we spilled our coffees and stayed out way too late I remember the time you told me about your Jesus and how not to look back even if no one believes us When it hurt so bad sometimes not having you here... I sing, "Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up I need your loving hands to come and pick me up And every night I miss you I can just look up and know the stars are holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight" I sing, "Tonight I've fallen and I can't get up I need your loving hands to come and pick me up And every night I miss you I can just look up and know the stars are holdin' you, holdin' you, holdin' you tonight" >thats mine and his song... his mom died 2 years from today i wish i was better with words, i wish i could comfort him in a better way and...i think i might be in love with him, but i shouldn't. he has a girlfriend. and i'm definitely not the kind of person to ruin a relationship. ugh, i wish he wasn't so darn likeable. but anyway; today was okay. i got a nasty papercut, and i tripped a couple times. tipical day.... i have an 85% in health, and i fail every one of my tests...lol weird, i don't know how i have a B and we're on the drug unit, and, of course, i get crack cocaine. personally i wanted like PCP or Roofie. cause there's a really funny video about Roofie. but if anyone is reading this, go to youtube and type in "breaking the social norm" and watch that video. it's really funny. its the one where at first he's dancing in a purple kangeroo or some animal suit. it's really funny. so ive started to realize the many flaws in people. and i think that's why i'm like i am. because so many things bother me. i wish people were smarter. this girl that i have to sit next to in class, her stupidity bothers me. a lot. and she does things for attention. i hate that. now a days, it seems like a lot bothers me. i can't even talk to my mom without fighting with her, just something about talking to her makes me mad. oh, i don't know. maybe its just me....

today was funn, i found a new favorite band; mindless self indulgence i love how they continue to make fun of everyone and their lyrics are so comical and people just get so mad, but they don't care, they continue to produce amazing songs with lyrics that make no sense. i love that in a band. they don't let people influence their music. i'm really tired, so i don't really feel like writing much, i'm surprised i havn't fallen outta this chair yet bitches love me cause they know that i can rock bitches love me cause they know that i can rhyme bitches love me cause they know that i can fuck bitches love me cause they know that im on time throughout the projects throughout the projects throughout the projects bitches love me cause they know that i can rock bitches love me cause they know that i can rhyme bitches love me cause they know that i can fuck bitches love me cause they know that im on time throughout the projects throughout the projects throughout the projects done done this is how it should be done this is how it should be done this style, style, style, done pow! mutha fucka... pow! bitches love me bitches love me bitches love me bitches love me bitches love me bitches love me love me love me love me love me bitches love me bitches love me bitches love me bitches love me bitches love me cause they know that i can rock done done this is how it should be done this is how it should be done this style, style, style, done bitches by:mindless self indulgence

"you were a priority, was i an option? i let you see a side of me that i don't share with anyone promises are just words unless they are fulfilled you knew from the beginning all i had to offer you was my heart.... im sorry that wasn't enough so we'll go our own ways and hopefully you'll remember these things i've told you hopefully you'll understand that everything i said was in sincerity a broken heart is not what i wanted from this, but i guess i've learnen from it, but aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes? i don't consider this a mistake... i just wish the story didn't end this way..... cause i'm still in love with the person who helped me write it... fantastic song, i looove it. so i finally just broke down and wrote this. but it's like 12:30 and i'm bored. as i'm sure i've mentioned many times before, i don't like 99.9% of mainstream artists, and so, i was listening to the radio a little while ago. and i turned the radio on, and i couldn't listen to it for more than .5 seconds. the beats annoy me. in math on thursday our teacher turned the radio on and everyone was singing the songs, and i knew none of them, and it was hard for me to sit there cause i didn't like any of the songs. i probably just complain too much.... i guess i just get tired of overplayed songs with their fake voices. Well I wish there was someone Well I wish there was someone To love me When I used to be someone And I knew there was someone That loved me As I sit here frozen alone Even ghosts get tired and go home As they crawl back under the stones And I wish there was something Please tell me there's something better And I wish there was something more than this Saturated loneliness And I wish I could feel it And I wish I could steal it Abduct it, corrupt it, but I never can it's just saturated loneliness Does the silence get lonely? Does the silence get lonely? Who knows? I've been hearing it tell me I've been hearing it tell me Go home Cause the freaks are playing tonight They packed up and turned out the lights And I wish there was something Please tell me there's something better And I wish there was something more than this Saturated loneliness And I wish I could feel it And I wish I could steal it Abduct it, corrupt it, but I never can It's just saturated loneliness And the bath waters cold And this life's getting old And I wish I could feel it And I wish I could feel it And I wish I could steal it Abduct it, corrupt it And I wish I could feel it And I wish I could steal it And I wish I could feel it Abduct it, corrupt it But I never can I never can Never Can Never Can Never Can Tearjerker by: KoRn now, i'm not a big KoRn fan or anything, but i do adore this song. i like a variety of music, and some songs and not others. that's just how i am with KoRn, i like some of their songs, but i don't exactly like them as a whole. but i looove hearing new bands. actually, my new favorite song is Silencer by: mewithoutyou although i'm not a fan of many of their songs, so i can't say they're my favorite band/artist and if it weren't for this site, i would have never known about them....oh wow, i'd be so depressed. lol i'm sure no one reads these, cause i write too much. plus i'm boring. i'd lose interest in myself too. i should just get drunk and then write in my journal then come back the next day and read it with my hangover and tell myself i'm a crackhead. lol maybe then it would be interesting. i'll try that...tomorrow speaking of hangovers :] School of Rock is on this weekend. i should have T-vo'd it....oh well, i will tomorrow. if i remember...which i probably wont. because i have like one brain cell from sniffing too many sharpies all the time; so i don't remember much anymore but yeah, my favorite part is when Jack Black is like "does anyone know what a hangover is?" "yeah, it means your drunk" "noooo, it means i was drunk YESTERDAY" lol yeah. and i love his name in the movie :] now i have a really bad urge to watch it... well....if i continue to find stupid things to talk about, then i'll be up til like 5, cause my mind is weird and i think of the most random things. i'm sad..... sometimes i just scare myself.... a lot

i think i'll just keep editing this entry so it won't seem like i write a bunch of new entries. haha, i'm cool. so, i stopped listening to that song....shocking, i know now i'm listening to Across Five Aprils, a year from now it's a good song, really sad. i just like to sing along with songs i know and act pretend i'm cool :] xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx i'm pretty sure i didn't write an entry yesterday, i'm shocked. i was with jess, emily, and cody all day though. so yeah, i made up with jessica, so we're not "fighting" anymore. so that's good. i hate when people are mad at me. but i didn't get to see jake yesterday, actually, i havn't seen him in like a week. well i've seen him, i just havn't talked to him in like a week. damnit. and he's italian. lol and i looove italian people. all my best friends are italian. but i'm not, i wish i was. but i just ate like 30 pixy stix today, in about a span of an hour, probably less. plus 3 cups of coffee. and i went to abercrombie and i stayed in the store too long so i got sick, cause the excessive use of perfume makes me sick. plus the stupid plastic trees they have there and at Hollister, yeah..the pretty much always rape me. and i think my AIM is broke, either that or people just hate me. dunno. but i was with cody today and i kept stopping at random peoples car and checking my hair cause the wind was blowing it and it was raining off and on. and he told me to stop being so preppy. it made me laugh. Don't waste your lips on words I've heard before Kiss my tired head. And each letter written wastes your hand, young man Come and lead me to your bed You gave me hope that I'd not lost her And then thought it rather strange to see me smile- as I don't do too much smiling these days. She put on happiness like a loose dress Over pain I'll never know "So the peace you had," she says, "I must confess, I'm glad to see it go." We're two white roses lying frozen just outside his door I've made you so happy and so sad, But which should I be more sorry for? Come kiss my face goodbye, that space below my eye and above my cheek Cause I'm faint and fading fast, I see a darkness And I shall be released. I'll pass like a fever from this body, And softly slip into his hands I tried to love you and I failed, But I have another plan. My Lord, how long to sing this song? And my Lord, how muchmore of this pretending to be strong? When she stands before your throne Dressed in beauty not her own All soft and small, you'll hear her call "you brought me here, now take me home." Silencer by: MewithoutYou i've been listening to this song for like 2 hours straight. yeah, i still have no life. and i'm really bored, i was supposed to hang out with jess, but i have to go to a party tomorrow, and i'm really tired and i feel like crap, so we're just gonna hang out tomorrow morning, hopefully. maybe then i'll see jake :] i just have people problems, so i never go up to his house and just ask for him. i have social anxiety. yellow_starz_n_broken_dreamz@yahoo.com thats my e-mail, if anyone wants to talk. i'm pretty boring though. actually.... with all the sugar shots and coffee i've had today, i'm kinda hyper. i need to be funner, maybe i can take classes....

so, i've probably failed to mention that i'm basically obsessed with hockey. and i'm watching the hockey game..and Pittsburgh is throwing the game. i hate when they do this cause i always get mad. they're lucky i'm not there! lol i'd beat them up. but yeah, pittsburgh penguins!! wooo! :] they lead in the playoffs 3-0 but now it will be 3-1 and then they'll probably win their next game, at least they better. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XHbYTm8U1v8 haha, i looove that video, it's my favorite. you shrunk my honda you bitch! lol priceless. so, today was kinda stupid. my art teacher hates me, still. and i can't sit by my friends anymore. but it's not my fault no one pay attention to her and she just neglects to realize that and just take her anger out on me. she's probably just sexually frustrated... that's just my guess :] and my friends are still mad at me, oh well. and my parents are mad at me too.. wow, i need help. maybe i'll call Dr. Phil haha, i'll be famous! pittsburgh just scored. if anyone cares...so now the score is 3-2 but they're still losing :[ but there's still 5:49 left in the 3rd period. the philly fans look so sad, sucks for them, not my fault the flyers aren't good at hockey. that's mean. but pittsburgh is better :p alright, so a song for today.... Katie, don't cry, I know You're trying your hardest And the hardest part is letting go Of the nights we shared Ocala is calling and you know it's haunting But compared to your eyes, nothing shines quite as bright And when we look to the sky, its not mine, but i want it so Let's not pretend like you're alone tonight (I know he's there) You're probably hanging out and making eyes (while across the room, he stares) I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes Because these words were never easier for me to say Or her to second guess But I guess That I can live without you but Without you I'll be miserable at best You're all that I hoped I'd find In every single way And everything I could give Is everything you couldn't take Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away And the hardest part of living Is just taking breaths to stay Because I know I'm good for something I just haven't found it yet But I need it So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight (I know he's there) You're probably hanging out and making eyes (while across the room, he stares) I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes Because these words were never easier for me to say Or her to second guess But I guess That I can live without you but Without you I'll be miserable at best Ladada ladada ladadaoh ohhh And this will be the first time in a week That I'll talk to you And I can't speak It's been three whole days since I've had sleep Because I dream of his lips on your cheek And I got the point that I should leave you alone But we both know that I'm not that strong And I miss the lips that made me fly So let's not pretend like you're alone tonight (I know he's there) You're probably hanging out and making eyes (while across the room, he stares) I bet he gets the nerve to walk the floor And ask my girl to dance, and she'll say yes Because these words were never easier for me to say Or her to second guess But I guess That I can live without you but Without you I'll be miserable And I can live without you But without you I'll be miserable And I can live without you Oh, without you I'll be miserable at best miserable at best by Mayday Parade ugh, that song is so sad. fits my life though. i bought a few shirts from hollister today. and i bought a shirt from american eagle and a necklace. lol yeah. i'm cool my birthday is in like 18 days, so i'm pretty excited about that. but if my friends are still mad, it's gonna suck. ugh, i miss them. i don't know why i have to be such a horrible friend. pittsburgh lost....darn it

haha, this is like...my third entry today... i have no life. but anywayy. about me. uhm..i hate my town :] a lot...it sucks. too much drama. i'm addicted to energy drinks, i have a collection. lol it's pretty creepy. i like to learn about weird things; such as Greek Mythology!! and...the assassination of JFK and...other things that i cant remember. my friends are my lifeee, but currently, they're all mad at me. i'm basically in a "clique" so when one person is mad they kind of all are ya know? so yeah. although, i do have 2 other really good friends who aren't in the "clique" and i absolutely loove them. especially George, which isn't his real name, but we call each other George, lol yeah. we're both George he's amazing :] and then Henryetta, which...isn't her real name either, im just kind of a nickname kinda person. but yeah, so they're always there for me. and then there's this other kid, yeah, and i miss him, he's in Maryland for Marine training. i miss him soo much. that kids my lifeee. but anyway, i'm also addicted to music. i'm not a huge fan of mainstream artists, but if you ask me about them i'll know what you're talking about. and if you ask me to listen to your music, i probably will. because i like a wide variety of music. i'm also really outgoing and easy to relate to. but i dont trust anyone, well..maybe like 4 people, max. i like to help people too, that's always fun. a lot of people tell my i'm funny. so that's good. but i can be serious too, so don't think i take everything as a joke. i also have a very positive outlook and i don't dwell on a lot. a lot of people realize the negatives not the positives, that's where i come in :] okay, i guess i'm a "prep" cause i wear abercrombie and hollister, but don't call me a preppy. and i'm not stupid either. don't insult my intellegence. lol i probably spelled that wrong, but not the point. and i don't pick my friends on looks, cause i have "preppy" friends and "goth" friends and everyone in between. haha, i love the world. oh wow, no i sound like a hippie. but i'm not. just get to know me :]

I am made of a hard skin So I don't know how so much Pain still gets in Stars between, you and me, my friend A stone within, skips across the sea and smokes a child So I go down to the sea Where I will breath the air yeah-e-yeah Take back your piece of me I let it bleed out Outrage, from within My bones break But when they mend The stone returns again So I go down to the sea Where I will breath air Take back your piece of me I breath, breath yeah-e-yeah Wounds from inside Blown open wide Open wide Then I breathe Breath, yeah-a-yeah Wounds from inside They are blown open There's a sound of the phone Not ringing It echoes in my home See all my friends in a crowd of you Tell me why I'm so god-damn alone And I felt I could do anything that's why I make you see for me Say it's not fair but across the sea The stone takes a chunk of chance from me. I can't wait for a long time Step to me, take a step back boy Take a chunk of chance again Just let me go down to the sea Where I will breath, breath yeah-e-yeah Take back you're piece of me I let it bleed, bleed yeah-e-yeah Wounds down inside They are blown open wide, open wide. gorgeous by:third eye blind i also believe third eye blind should be more recognized. this song is simply amazing. i'm listening to it right now, and i usually listen to it everyday, and i'm still not tired of it. Blinded(when i see you) is also one of their best songs; top 3. probably a mix up of Gorgeous, Blinded(when i see you) and Semi-charmed Life oh! and Motorcycle Drive By, that's good too. dangg there's too many songs, ughh i'm so confused. lol and scattered is a good song, but not as good as the others. i wish more people could listen to less mainstream bands, cause they're really good. i always talk to my friends about music, and when i ask them if they know a band they always say no, goshh, they're really missing out. other good songs? House of Cards, Madina Lake Tonight, FM Static Wish we were Older, Metro Station Melt the Sugar, The Summer Obsession At your Funeral, Saves the Day Annie, James Blunt Kennedy, Kill Hannah those are some of my favorite songs...free time? listen to one, i'm sure you'll love it :D

Oh, and Tina, losing faith in what she knows, hates her music, hates all of her clothes thinks of surgery and a new nose, every calorie's a war. Well, she wishes she was a dancer, and that she'd never heard of cancer. She wishes God would give her some answers and make her feel beautiful. yeahhhh, our lady peace :] honestly, i don't know why more people don't know about them, it kinda sucks.... a lot. they deserve more credit than what they get, and "fans" who critique them for "chaning their music" yeah, that's not true. they're amazing, past, present, future. end of conversation.