CurtneyIsASuperher0's Journal

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  • [97] well i guess this is growing up

    by CurtneyIsASuperher0 on August 10, 2009
    so i did this survey on may 5th, 2008. i was fifteen. i wanna see how much my answers changed. so im leaving the then, and adding in the now. 1. Who did you last shoot a dirty look at? That would be the mother. ---> [now] pops 2. What kind of car do you drive? ...The invisible kind? ---> [now] bright red 2001 hyundai tiburon. my fucking baby [now] still no, but i don't really wanna. 4. What color is your iPod? Hot pink. But I really need one that holds more than 1,000 songs D: ---> [now] black. it holds 60,000 :) 5. What kind of dog do you have? A very overweight Cairn Terrier named Cobe. We watch TV together all the time. ---> [now] same 6. What's for dinner tonight? Some gross chicken stuff and rice and a salad. My parents are dieting, therefore we ALL have to suffer. ---> [now] idk, whatever i make myself. i'm the one on the diet now, so i fend for myself. my mom usually cooks healthy anyway though. 7. What is the last drink you drank? Milk. ---> [now] water 8. Last time you were sick? Uhhhh, right now. ---> [now] june 9. How long is your hair? About shoulder length. ---> [now] same 10. Are you happy right now? I guess. I'm just kinda... blah. ---> [now] yeah, but i'm tired 11. What did you say last? "Ooooo love me dead!" ...I was singing Ludo. ---> [now] i'm not sure. i'm in my room home alone, so idk what i last said outloud. 12. Who came over last? Choliee! ---> [now] babyboy 13. Do you drink beer? Oh, you meen urine in a bottle? No. No I do not. ---> [now] yes 14. Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted? Yes. He's 19, and he still does it. He's obviously REALLY, REALLY clever. ---> [now] not anymore, me and james are really really close now 15. What is your favorite key chain on your keys? I'll letcha know when I actually have keys. ---> [now] its a little vw beetle with 'let it be' written on the back. my grandma gave it to me :) 16. What is in your pocket? Lint. ---> [now] wegmans reciept, a few dollars 17. Who introduced you to your boyfriend or girlfriend? Livin' the $!ngL3 L!f3. ---> [now] sarah 18. Who is the last person you had a phone conversation with? Mom. Or Nikki. ---> [now] mom 19. What DVD is in your DVD player? Juno! ---> [now] donnie darko 20. What's something fun you did today? Sat on my bedroom floor and sang along to Bayside songs really loudly. Alone. OMG, SO FUN!#$%^& ...joking. It was pretty lame actually. ---> [now] sex. ahaha. 21. What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"? Gary from Spongebob. ---> [now] jenna, from lacrosse [now] same 26. Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now? The Ferret Music tent at Bamboozle last night. ---> [now] tilly's 27. Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror? I think that's illegal in Jersey. ---> [now] clean linen airfreshener :) 28. How many states in the U.S. have you been to? Four - New York, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Texas Five, if you count New Jersey. ---> [now] still same 29. What are you going to do after this? Sleep. Or math homework. Probably sleep though haha. ---> [now] change and go swimming at luke's with nick and the boys 30. What is something you need to go shopping for? Shorts. ---> [now] school clothes :( 31. Do you like pickles? Dill only please! ---> [now] same 32. How about olives? Yes, omg. ---> [now] still same 33. What is your favorite kind of gum? Orbit. ---> [now] five 34. Do you have any tan lines? Ugh, yes. My legs are only tan from my ankle to halfway up my thigh. My arms are only tan from my shoulder to my hand. And there's a ring around my neck from my shirt. GOTTA LOVE LACROSSE. ---> [now] mhm, bathing suit ones 35. Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher? Miss Finklestein! ---> [now] same 36. Who was the last person to call you baby? Dunno... ---> [now] boyfriend 37. When you're at the grocery store do you used the self checkout? YES! I love it. ---> [now] not really, wegmans doesn't have one & that's where i go when i shop alone 38. Has anyone ever sang to you? Does Applebee's count? ---> [now] yup 39. Has anyone ever given you roses? No. ---> [now] same 40. If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive? Hells yeah! I used to go camping with my brothers boy scout troop almost every weekend when I was little. And now I go camping all the time (: ---> [now] haha, yes. been there done that. don't camp when you're high, by the way. 41. What is your favorite color? Army Green. ---> [now] same, plus purple 42. What color are your eyes? Lightish Redish Brown. ---> [now] same 43. What is a compliment you receive way too often? "You're so cute!" Simply because I'm tiny. ---> [now] same 44. How tall are you? A whopping 5 foot NUTHIN. ---> [now] same 45. Who was the last person to say they loved you and when? Probably Amber yesterday. ---> [now] nick, when he was over earlier 46. Do you like your parents? Daddy, yeah. Mommy is a whole diffferent story :/ ---> [now] no 47. Why did your last relationship end? He was controlling as hell. And moody. And exhausting. ---> [now] he was a dick 48. Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone? No clue. ---> [now] nick 49. Where is the furthest place you've traveled? Texas ---> [now] same 50. Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep? Eat, for sure. ---> [now] sleep 51. Do you look more like your mom or your dad? I don't know. I look like my grandma, but I don't know about my parents. ---> [now] same 52. How long does it take you to shower? Around 20 minutes, give or take. ---> [now] 10-15 minutes 53. Can you do splits? Not anymore :( ---> [now] same 54. Can you use the grill? Yeah! ---> [now] yes, and i can cook hot dogs over an open fire hahaha 55. Are you flexible? Somewhat. ---> [now] yeah ;) hahahaha 56. What movie do you want to see? The Orphange. And The Strangers. And a few others. ---> [now] paper heart 57. What did you on New Years Eve 2007? Partied like it was 2008. Oh wait... ---> [now] well this new years me and nichole cooped our selves up in my empty house and drank like 2 bottles of vodka [now] she wishes 59. What is the last letter of your middle name? H. ---> [now] same 60. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Six or Seven. ---> [now] like 4. same as errrr night 61, Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Most times. ---> [now] yeah 62. Are you scared of flying? Nope! ---> [now] can't be too sure, i haven't flown in like 9 years 63. What do you sleep in? Tshirt and shorts. Or sports bra and shorts. ---> [now] boyshorts and a tee 64. Do you have any tattoos? No, but I want some so badly. ---> [now] nine months, one day til i cannnnnn! 65. Have you ever been to Los Angeles? No. ---> [now] nope 66. What jewelry do you wear all the time? I have a few necklaces I wear a lot, but I usually forget. ---> [now] my east meets west jewelry: peace bracelet, unity bracelet, no fear bracelet, and celtic weave necklace 67. What is your favorite song at the moment? Heartless by A Day To Remember. Or Landing Feet First by Bayside. Or Don't Call Me Peanut by Bayside. OR (Last one, I swear) Love Me Dead by Ludo. Listen to them all, pronto. ---> [now] i've rediscovered glassjaw. favorite = vermont connection. 68. What song do you HATE? Anything by Metro Station. ---> [now] everything on the radio. holy shit, i need a cd player for my car 69. Do you like chocolate? A little too much. ---> [now] eh 70. Are you easy to get along with? Usually. ---> [now] sometimes 71. Any up coming events you're excited about? My birthday! One week exactly! ---> [now] senior fucking year
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  • [96] three times alone this week, i was supposed to be a rock star

    by CurtneyIsASuperher0 on August 08, 2009
    i accidentally made my entire journal in italics i kinda like it i'm leaving it like this i'm doing this survey with just my recently added so there's probably gunna be a lot of glassjaw song #1: star above my bed by glassjaw your favorite lyric from this song: 'why can't i glow?' does this song have any bad memories attached? nope what genre is this? hardcore song #2: by your side by cocorosie what's the last line of this song? all i want with my life is to die a housewife, is to die a housewife have you ever seen this artist live? nope who does this song make you think of? no one really. this song creeps me out, i won't lie. its about taking any amount of abuse from a guy, just because you want to be with him forever. all she wants to do is die his housewife. she'll even "wear your black eyes" "i don't ask why, and i try not to cry" song #3: still by matt nathanson what's the first line of this song? i remember hearts that beat where did you first hear this song? pandora radio how about the first time you heard the artist? on z100 or some other station like that, playing come on get higher song #4: el mark by glassjaw which friend could this be a theme tune for and why? i can see this working for nick. dealing with his mental and emotional instabilities. dealing with his insecurity. dealing with the fact that he broke edge. write down the chorus: driving me crazy you're driving me, you're driving me driving me crazy you're driving me insane why do you like this song? its the epitome of glassjaw chaotic, strong, unforgiving song #5: piano by glassjaw what kind of film would you choose this as the theme for? something like subUrbia. where the title character has a complete meltdown based on his friends and himself. who introduced you to this artist? i don't even know best part of this song: daryl palumbo song #6: microphone by coconut records the fourth line reads: there's no where to park after it gets dark how long is this song? 2:52 is it one of your favourites? eh, no song #7: clark gable by the postal service how long have you been listening to this artist? a while what's the cover look like on the album this came from? its a corner of a window with sheer white drapes. you can also see the wooden footboard of a bed. what's this song about? the desperate need of proof that love is real, and the longing for a perfect movie screen love. has your favourite song come up? not really
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  • [95] stand up, fist out, this is the real thing!

    by CurtneyIsASuperher0 on August 08, 2009
    i've developed an enormous crush on my boyfriend's best friend. what song best represents my personality? sometimes (i wish) by city and colour yeah, that works what song will be played at my funeral? i am the walrus by the beatles i hope so. i want my funeral to be a celebration of my life. everyones drunk, everyones dancing. tell funny stories about me and laugh, don't scream and cry clinging to each other in your stiff ugly black suits will i ever love somebody? oxycodone by glassjaw doesn't fit at alllll will i be successful in life? and the sentence trails off... by the devil wears prada oooo, mysterious will i get married even if my love life is out of shape? here's your letter by blink 182 thats a no will anyone accept me for who i am? he don't know by the boy judas i'd take this as a yes. it's such a nice song :) how will i die? weekend warriors by a change of pace at this point, i wouldn't be surprised. it'd be so easy to drink dance and drug myself to death who will kill me? my life for hire by a day to remember nothing can fucking kill me niggaz! will i be a murderer myself? tessellate by tokyo police club aw, no this song is cute how has my life been so far? girls on trampolines by ludo ahahaha yo i WISH my life was that awesome what is my current obsession? try not to save me by two tongues amen what song best represents my friendship with others? my hero by foo fighters yeah, this kinda fits me. i put so many people on a pedestal. the littlest things in people impress me so much. i look up to people that might not even no exist. what is my ideal holiday destination? the red by chevelle not a place what is my sexuality? creep by radiohead HHAHHAHAHHAHA
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  • [94] wish that one day they'd figure out how to shrink stars and i could keep one in my bedroom

    by CurtneyIsASuperher0 on August 07, 2009
    so i wasn't pregnant false alarm, thanks for all the concern in other news turns out that the brand new concert i found out about also features fucking glassjaw maybe there is a god nick and i are ridiculously RIDICULOUSLY excited seeing as those two are both of our top 3 favorite bands so much shit is going on in my life and i'm numb to it all for real my dad might have cancer a few months ago he had a heart attack, and now he might have cancer i've yet to shed a tear for him he's been meaner than ever to me it's hard to cry for him when he makes me feel worse about myself than anyone i've ever known according to dear old dad i am: lazy stupid worthless wasteful selfish selfcentered a bitch heartless greedy an asshole pointless to this family a terrible person disappointing mean rude disrespectful dirty wasting my life going nowhere overdramatic the thing that ruins his day almost every morning the cause of stress/anger/etc in the house the reason there are fights in the family and i make every situation worse, no matter what it is the list goes on love ya, dad anyway the other night i had the most violent intense painful scary breakdown i've had in a LOOOONNNGGG time. i literally went ballistic alone in my bed for an hour at 4 in the morning i almost passed out and threw up because of how hard i was crying i was literally trying to rip my skin off with my fingernails i hated everything about me how ugly i was how lazy i've become how boring i was how no one liked me how i wasn't proud of myself how alone i felt how empty i felt how jealous i was of everyone how happy everyone else was how self conscious i was how weak i've become how i can't deal with anything how moody i am i don't know why i did that in the past tense i still feel all of it still believe all of it i just push it out of my mind now its fucking exhausting having a mental breakdown or maybe it was an emotional breakdown what the fuck is the difference i think and have thought that i am bipolar but i will never say that out loud songmeanings, you know more about me than anyone else on the planet. why is it that i can spill my whole life everything i can NEVER tell anyone into this PUBLIC online journal its not anonymous my full name is in here multiple times HI, I'M COURTNEY BURGESS plus, it comes up on my internet homepage one of my most visited sites anyone who goes online on my computer can easily read all of this so why? wait, i think i know what the fuck i'm talking to myself hi, whatever i still think i know the answer to the question! answer 1: i subconsciously want someone to find this, just so they know. i want people to know, because i want them to tell me i'm not worthless. or crazy. or ugly. or boring. or anything else like that. answer 2: i can't deal with talking deeply face to face, or even on the phone. too fucking awkward. i'll change the subject or start laughing. because if i don't, i'll cry. or they'll hug me, and THEN i'll cry. and i do not cry in front of people. not even my closest friends, not even my family. i don't even think my brother's seen me cry since i was little. i think somethings wrong with me whatever, just give me heavy drugs. sedate me. let me fake my way thru the rest of my life let me be numb for the rest of my life its so much easier than dealing with emotions smoked today, smoking tomorrow. man, i love avoiding my life.
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