Wanna hear a haunting song? The Dance by Charlotte Martin. Its already made me cry once tonight. Yeah, tonight was fucking wierd. Extremely. I'm too emotionally exhausted to even recount it. I would do it all again tomorrow, though. I actually think I am. If not tomorrow, some time this week. I'll just make a few minor changes. Like not being such a pussy. Like not stressing so hard. Like making my feelings clear. Because he likes me. I know it. I can feel it. And it's really reallllly nice to feel that again. I missed that feeling. A lot more than I thought I did. Man, he's goodlooking. I like hanging out with them. Cruisin'. Singing. Not knowing where we'll end up. Usually not ending up anywhere. Usually ending up in the most amazing places. It's nice. Real nice. Try it. Asap. G'night.

Lately, I've been listening to a lot of Folk-y Indie stuff. I happened to stumble upon a song called Baby's Romance by Chris Garneau while watching the show 'So You Think You Can Dance'. I was captivated by both the dance and the song, so I downloaded it. Well, it just went on from there. I am completely in love with his music. The music on his album 'Music For Tourists' has been described as 'music for still mornings and quiet evenings'. That's exactly what it is. His music is... ugh idk my words won't even do it justice. Seriously. But I've been listening to him non-stop. I can't get enough. So all of that brings me to my reccommending the entire album 'Music For Tourists'. My personal favorites are 'Sad News', 'Relief', 'Baby's Romance', 'Not Nice', and 'Saturday'. Listen to it when you're alone. Listen to it to the sunrise. Trust me, it's absolutely exquisite. I guess that rant works out well, considering what AllChokedUp just posted, and considering the fact I really have nothing else to say. So I'll continue speaking to AllChokedUp... I also would stick myself to two or so bands. Mine also happened to be Brand New and Say Anything. As well as Bayside. Now, I can't sit through a full song of theirs. Not that I don't like them anymore, because that is definately not the case. It's just that I'm so severely craving a change. I've said it before on here - I want to start anew. I want to discover new music, art, people, places... anything. I want to dip my hands into a bunch of different things. What better way to start than with music? The one thing I hold nearest and dearest to my heart. I'm expanding my music taste farther than ever before, and never really find myself saying 'I hate this band/singer/music' I like it. But yeah, AllChokedUp, I know what you mean and how you feel. So for right now, I suggest Chris Garneau, but I also have reccommendations in almost all my entries. Help yourself. I hope he/she actually reads this. Otherwise, this was just incredibly pointless. But what do I post that ISN'T?

So Leah Andreone is an amazing singer, and her song Lamentation has been stuck in my head forever. It's heartbreaking, breathtaking, and mindblowing all at the same time. Listen, please. School's over on friday. Obviously, I'm excited. I've been bitching about school in almost every entry. But then there's that other part of me that's like... oh shit. Did I accomplish everything I wanted to? Why do I feel like I didn't, AT ALL? Probably because I didn't. I feel like I didn't meet enough people, succeed enough, have enough fun... idk. I just feel like something was missing from this year. I know for a fact that I lost friends. Not in fights or anything. Just because we grew apart. That kills me. Literally, it hurts to see them in the hallway or to try to walk to class with them and have it be incredibly awkward. But I guess that's life. The other thing that's bothering me is the fact that I'm probably never going to see some of my senior friends again. John and John? I adore both of them. They're like my big brothers. I really don't want to lose them. Marie and Allie too. I know I'll still have Kait, because I've known her for years... but I don't want to lose all the others. And even the juniors I became friends with late in the year. Eric, Franco, Chris, Meri, Katie? The last thing I want is to see them next year and feel too awkward to say hi. I hate losing touch with people. I always feel like my friends don't last unless I've known them since I was little. That scares me. But all of this, and all the shit I put myself through this year, just makes me even more excited for summer and junior year. I'm ready for a clean slate. I'm set on reinventing myself, and doing things RIGHT from now on. Fuck it. Bring on summer. Everything else will fall into place.

If summer were a song, it would probably sound something like Buzzin by Shwayze. Listen to it on the beach. It's lovely. Oh, and in case you were wondering (which you weren't) that movie I was watching in the last entry (L'Auberge Espagnole or something like that) was on again the next day, so I watched it. It was reeeeeally good, as I predicted. So look for that and watch it. Please? I'm reading Desperation by Stephen King. I just started it today, so I'm not far in. But, MY LORD, it's amazing. I love him. He's genius. Read his stuff. Oh and, read stuff by Richard Bachman. It's Stephen King's pen name. I'm watching The Rage: Carrie 2. I find these 90's high school movie scenes hilarious. The scenes where everyone's waiting around before homeroom and they just pan across the school grounds. First of all, EVERYONE is sitting in their respective cliques. Sure, they exist. But in these movies, they're so defined. It's almost comical. It's just a big field of high school cliches. For some reason, the cheerleading team is always practicing cheers. The stoners are always smoking, right out in broad daylight in front of the school. They're usually playing guitar too. At least one guy in the group of football players is holding a football, and screaming their vulgar catcalls across the courtyard to the elite girls, who are always primping. The theatre kids are always running lines, and the art kids are always painting. The skater kids are always skating through everyone else. Not to mention, there's always the popular guy (in this case its Jason London) who is oddly into the wierd girl, and is surprisingly interested in the same underground bands/books/movies/theatre as her. I really do love 90's movies. They're the most cheesy cliche films ever made, and yet some of the best. (i.e. Scream - It actually has scenes where the list the basic rules of surviving a horror film.) Plus, the music is always awesome, and the clothes were great. Long live oversized flannel (; I feel like I sit on the computer writing each of these entries for hours. Then I read them, and there's barely anything written. Probably because I try to do far too much at once. I want to see The Happening. Though I didn't like Signs much, I have respect for M. Night Shyamalan. Unbreakable and The Sixth Sense were two of the smartest movies I've ever seen. I hate when people tell me the The Sixth Sense was stupid and not scary. It wasn't meant to be really scary. It's not considered a horror film. Sure, it's creepy and there's definately some scenes that gave me nightmares when I first saw it. But it's so well thought out. The ending was perfect. I love movies that smack you in the face with clues all the way through, but you never realize it until the end. I find it hysterical and ONCE AGAIN cliche that the football coach in this movie is the only one with a southern accent. The lighting is affective though. It's always lower when something bad/related to Rachel's past/related to Lisa's suicide is happening. Obviously intentional. Clevaah. Every other commercial is for Warped. It's my favorite day of the summer, hands down. It's so wierd to think this year will be my FIFTH. I don't like being old. I drive, I have a job. Soon I'll have to start thinking about college. I'm almost too old to be called a kid. No, fuck that. I'll be a kid all my life. Either that, or I'll just go to Neverland. Jest like Peetah! That's probably my favorite movie/story ever. But the best version of the movie is the one from 1960, with Mary Martin as Peter. Sure, Jeremy Sumpter was verrrrrrry good looking as Peter in 2003, but nothing's gunna beat Mary Martin and the 1960 version. Not even the cartoon Disney one. So if you haven't seen the Mary Martin one, I suggest you do. It's wonderful. I bought myself a DVD/VCR player for my room with that movie specifically in mind, because I missed being able to watch it whenever I wanted. Like right now. So I think I'm going to do that. 'Bye.

Ignorance, Apathy Binge/Purge by Death By Stereo. Off you go. I'm watching some foreign film on IFC. It's called L'Auberge Espagnole. And it's probably really good. But I'm distracted. I usually can do this - mess around on the computer and watch a movie by listening to it. However, I don't understand French. And I only know a little Spanish. And they're talking way to fast to for me to figure it out. Ah, well. It'll be on again. Now watch - because I said that, it will never be on again. Oh, okay they speak English in this too. Clearly, I've missed too much to start watching now. I have nothing to say, if you haven't already guessed. Beach, day 2. I went yesterday too. School is pointless now - it's just reviews, if that. We've had half days today and yesterday. Love this ridiculous heat wave. This could possibly end up being a really pointless entry. For the record, the song I recommended happened to be playing on my iPod. It's definately amazing, and you should listen to Death By Stereo, but it has nothing to do with this entry, or my state of mind, or anything. It was a stretch to become a reccomendation. I might have to expand the recommendations to books and movies as well. Which might make it harder for you to take the recommendation. Because a) it's not guaranteed you read, and b) most of the movies will be obscure indie films. ...Not like anyone downloads the songs I recommend anyway. Though I really wish you did. First sunburn of the year is always the worst. And for me, it's usually the only one. But I need aloe, pronto. Sand is so freakin' eerie. So you mean to tell me that this absurdly small peice of sand was once a mountain? I don't know, I find it odd... something so grand as a mountain or huge rock formation could be pounded down and washed over so much that it becomes a grain of sand. No longer an individual, but just an insignificant part of the whole. ...What does that mean for the rest of the world?

Roisin Murphy, you're incredible. Listen to her. Listen to Night Of The Dancing Flame and Ramalama (Bang Bang) So so so good. So nothing's happening. I'm fine. I have my permit. I just got a job. Summer's in like 2 weeks. Things are just fine. But I realized I never did this. And by this, I mean I never told anything about myself, and I'll do it by way of survey. Okay, as I typed that, I felt progressively lamer. Whatever. I'm not caring anymore. You won't read this. I know I never read these in people's journals. I'm totally chill with that. Name: Courtney, even though my username says "Curtney" Date of Birth: May 11, 1992 Birthplace: New Jersey Current Location: Manalapan, NJ Eye Color: Auburn-ish. Swear. Hair Color: Brown and blond. Height: 5 Foot Heritage: Italian, English, Irish, and a wee bit of French and Native American. Piercings: Just ears, for now. Tattoos: Ugh none YET Favorites: Band/Singer: Oh jeez I'll narrow it down as much as I can. Say Anything, Bayside, Ludo, Stick To Your Guns, Brand New, Ligeia, Imogen Heap, Death Cab For Cutie, The Shins, a buncha local bands from around here... Okay, I'll stop there. Song: Yeah, okay. I'm so sure I can pick one. Movie: Again, I'll narrow it down as much as I can! The Chumscrubber, Donnie Darko, The Dreamers, Rory Oshea Was Here, Lords Of Dogtown, Now and Then, or Sex And The City Disney Movie: Oh wow, these are killing me. The Troll In Central Park (I think it's Disney), The Little Mermaid, or The Lion King. TV show: Degrassi, Gossip Girl (I say that proudly), The Hills (I say that less proudly), Stevens Untitled Rock Show, Project Runway, Sex and the City (See the movie, NOW), or The Office Color: Green Food: Sushi, or a nice backyard grilled cheeseburger in the middle of the summer (: Pizza topping: Anything. No, seriously. Ice-Cream Flavor: Strawberry, or Ben & Jerry's Phish Food. Omg, godly. Drink (alcoholic): Malibu Baybreeze. Or Vodka and Cranberry Or Pizza & Beer! Hells yeah, I'm Jersey as fuck. Soda: Pepsi Store: Forever 21, Hot Topic, Barnes and Noble Clothing Brand: I own NOTHING from these, but I like them: Betsey Johnson, Heatherette, Glamour Kills But it doesn't matter. Shoe Brand: Old Navy Flip Flops 2 for $5! And Converse. And crazy rainbow Nikes. Season: Summer or Fall Month: September, July (the only month with absolutely no school), and December Holiday/Festival: Christmas, Halloween Flower: Sunflowers and Lilys (Lilies?) Make-Up Item: Mascara. Oh or Urban Decay Eyeshadow. They have the most incredible colors. Board game: Monopoly, DISNEY TRIVIA, Scene It This or That: Sunny or rainy: Hmm... I love either Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla ice cream, chocolate everything else Fruit or veggie: Fruit Night or day: Night Sour or sweet: Sweet Love or money: Love Phone or in person: In person Looks or personality: PERSONALITY Nothing worse than an attractive guy who can't hold a conversation Coffee or tea: Coffee Hot or cold: Cold Your: Goal for this year: Stop worrying Most missed memory: I think it'll always be either camp or seventh grade. Good fuckn times Best physical feature: Uhhhhh, I'm not sure! First thought waking up: Leave me alooooooone! Hypothetical personality disorder: Bipolar Disorder, ADD, OCD, etc etc Preferred type of plastic surgery: None, please Sesame street alter ego: ELMO! Def. Fairytale alter ego: Peter Pan Most stupid remark: Oh, there's a lot. Worst crime: Nothing legit, for now. Greatest ambition: To live in NYC, making my living as a writer/photographer. Greatest fear: Falling to my death, not fulfilling my life Darkest secret: Yeah, lemme post my darkest secret online. Favorite subject: Creative Writing, or English Strangest received gift: Hahahaha, my insane hilarious aunt mailed me $5 and a package of Depends Adult Diapers for my 16th birthday, because I'm getting so old. I love her so much. Worst habit: I bite my cuticles Do You: Smoke: Nope Drink: Sometimes Curse: Yeah, but I hate it. It sounds trashy. Shower daily: Yeah Like thunderstorms: YES Dance in the rain: Lmao, absolutely. Sing: Far too much Play an instrument: Played saxaphone from grade 4 to grade 7. And I was damn good. But now I wanna play guitar. I know, I'm unoriginal. Everyone plays guitar nowadays. Get along with your parents: It used to be Dad - yes, Mom - never. But lately it switched. Wish on stars: I admit, I do the occasional "Star light, star bright - first star I see tonight. I wish I may, I wish I might - make this wish come true tonight" Believe in fate: No Believe in love at first sight: That's called LUST Can You: Drive: Hell yeah (; Sew: Yep Cook: Yep Speak another language: Español, un poquito Dance: Yeah! I never leave the dancefloor. But I wish wish WISH I did so professionally, or at least took classes. Sing: Somewhat, but I never do in front of people. Touch your nose with your tongue: Almost! Whistle: No Curl your tongue: Yep Have you ever: Been Drunk: Yes Been Stoned/High: No Eaten Sushi: Love it! I had it just now for dinner, actually. Been in Love: Possibly, but probably not. Skipped school: Faked sick, yes. Cut school, no. Cut class, yes. Made prank calls: All the time. I'm 10, I swear. Sent someone a love letter: Haha yes! 6th grade, me and my "boyfriend" wrote them to each other all the time. I recently found a bunch. Stolen something: Yeah Cried yourself to sleep: Yeah Other questions: What annoys you most in a person? Immaturity, stubborness, rudeness, close-mindedness, cockyness, lying Are you right or left handed? Lefty What is your bedtime? Whenever. Though mommy says 11 and daddy says 12. Doesn't matter. I can never get up regardless. Name three things you can't live without: iPod, Books, TV/Movies What is the color of your room? Pink, still there from when I was 6 Do you have any siblings? One older brother Do you have any pets? A dog Would you kill someone you hate for a million dollars? No. What is your middle name? Elizabeth ^ Wierd! That was here from the girl I stole this from. Elizabeth is mine as well. What are your nicknames? Court, Burgie, Burg, Tanny, Taco, Chela, Frigid, CB, Cawt, Ney, C. burg, Killswitch, Corny, and I think that's it. Are you for or against gay marriage? For. Love is love. What are your thoughts on abortion? Prochoice. Why should the government decide what you do with your body? Do you have a crush on anyone? Nah Are you afraid of the dark? Not usually How do you want to die? Painlessly. What is the largest amount of popsicles that you have eaten on one day? A lot. It's all I eat in the summer. Would you take a bullet for the one you love? Hmm. That's tough. Maybe? What is the last law you've broken? I was speeding about an hour ago. And I just downloaded a bunch of songs. DUN DUN DUNNNNN. In members of the opposite sex: Hair color: I love redheads. Eye color: Something interesting and deep. Height: Taller than me, or same size. Only I don't know any boys that are 5 foot or under. So I shouldn't have a problem. Weight: I generally don't care, but I don't like too skinny or too big. Happy medium. Most important physical feature: Eyes, and smile. Biggest turn-off: Boring personality, too touchy-feely, or too controlling Theeeeee end. Wasn't that fun?

Listen to Imogen Heap. Everything you can get your hands on. Listen to it all. Her songs are like movie scenes. My top picks would be: 1. Hide And Seek 2. The Moment I Said It 3. Just For Now But enough of that. I really have nothing to say. Nothing is going on. I'm listening to music, as always. I'm putting off my homework, as always. I have far too much on my plate, as always. I drove today. Panic attacks ensued. I think Ludo's album 'Broken Bride' (yesterday's suggestion) is the most tragically romantic story ever Boy and girl are in love. Girl dies in car accident in 1989. Boy grieves and builds a time machine so he can go back save her. Boy's time machine malfunctions and crashes in prehistoric times. Boy hides in a cave. Boy works up enough balls to fight the dinosaurs. Boy defeats crazy beasts, becomes hero, and fixes time machine. Boy gets back to the morning in May 1989. Boy lays with girl, savoring the moment. Girl gets in the car for her ill fated car ride. Boy runs up to the car, and gets in with her, telling her he "thought he'd come along for the ride," Boy tells girl "Baby, hold on, we're almost home," That was a mouthful. But lovely nonetheless. I've been struck with inspiration. I actually have a plan for my final project in Creative Writing. The inspiration came from Imogen Heap. So now I just have to write 5 short stories by Monday. And finish my 13 page English portfolio by Friday. And finish my math packet by tomorrow, 2nd period. It's 10:28pm, Wednesday night. Procrastination is a bitch. I'd call this crunch time.

For today, I urge you to download Ludo's album 'Broken Bride'. It's only 5 songs, and it's really, really worth it. Listen to it in order too. First 'Part I: Broken Bride' then 'Save Our City' then parts 2, 3 and 4. So it's been a while. I haven't had much to say. I could have easily signed on and chattered on about how happy I've been. But what fun would that be? You're all here to see some blood. Besides; "art never comes from happiness," But anyway. I'm feeling... replaced and forgotten. Like I'm fading into the woodwork. It's a familiar feeling. It's what I've been feeling my whole life. That's eating at me, as well as everything I've bitched about in the other entries on here. It's like I took a week long vacation from myself. And to catch up, everything came rushing back at me in warp speed and hit me square in the chest. It's leaving one hell of a bruise. I just need someone to hold me and tell me I matter. What's the point of all this self confidence if it turns out that I'm wrong? Fourteen more days. And there's far too much on my plate. I'm living completely in my head now. I can't even find the line between my imagination and reality anymore. Scenario after scenario plays out in my head, and it all feels so real. I'm holding grudges with people that I really only fought with in my mind. I'm smiling at the boys that only fell for me in my dreams. The line between wake and sleep blurs a lot more often than what's healthy. I ignore my problems. When my problem happens to be my best friend, I ignore her too. What am I even doing?