we broke up yesturday. one year, two months and 4 days. i hate crying all night. in the morning it feels like all my eyelashes have been pulled out.

ugh right now i feel a strong urge to just DRINK and SMOKE WEED. I mean i want to get TOTALLY BAKED and DRUNK. or maybe just get really fucking baked. cant wait, getting paid tomorrrow. goodbye mary, goodbye jane. will we ever, meet again?

But my heart, it don’t beat, it don’t beat the way it used to. And my eyes, they don’t see you no more. And my lips, they don’t kiss, they don’t kiss the way they used to, and my eyes don’t recognize you no more. For reasons unknown; for reasons unknown. ... he told me to listen to this song. it almost made me cry.. and he didnt understand why. its because it reminds me of us. i miss how things used to be.

apperantly i tend to overreact. which i probably do. whatever, Lol.

Cant wait to get paid tomorrow. I cant save my money at all and i get paid on the 8th and 23rd of each month. its pretty lamee. i hate my job. i only like working there for the money, which isnt even good. 8.10 an hour, fuck yeah.

Oh, and the girl that use to be my friend [yes, the one who is addicted to crack, whom i posted a week ago] told me that she now apperantly lives on a farm and makes $600 dollars a day "cleaning". yea, ok and yesturday, i talked to a friend about her [thats also use to be her friend but now isnt because of her drug use] and she told me that the 'farm' also is a Whore House. Fucking disgusting.

just another day. bored, as always. but lunch was fun. our school had a talent show and T's freind Nic played Crazy Train on his guitar. it was pretty awsome, because T bought granny panties for his friends to throw at him when he did his solo. It was hillar. afterwards, was lame for obvs. reasons. i cant stand it when A is all over A*.. she doesnt get that HE DOESNT LIKE HER. it annoys me, she ignores EVERYONE around her when hes near. it fucking pisses me off. Then in class shes always like "Why does everyone think i like him?" im like "its obvs. because hes all you pay attention to whenever hes around." Its harsh because hes told her he doesnt like her, at all. poor girl. She has a new guy every week who treats her like shit anyway, and claims shes "in love" after two days. Shes such an annoying, concieded bitch. shes supposed to be my 'best friend' yet when i have a problem she makes it like i dont matter, and brings up shit about her own life, and its always some stupid pointless shit like "YEAH WELL THIS HAPPEND TO ME AND HE DID THIS TO ME AND HE SAID THIS TO ME." like, at least pretend to care/listen. I've told her how i feel about her and 'shes trying to change for me' but i dont see a change. ANYWAY. LOL. rage x 198474586383670863 i really hate people. and im loving this Fedde Le Grand song.

i wonder if he still thinks about me.. i know its been awhile, but im curious. veryy curious.. we dont really talk anymore, and when we do, its kind of awkward, but not really? i miss him.. kind of.. things were great. he just never made the next move, so i moved on. now im just wondering how things would've been like.

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my god, i had the best day with him yesturday. it reminded my how much i actually need him in my life. i never want this to end.