You know what? I'm done with waiting until it's convenient for YOU to talk. I've never felt this horrifically sad in my life and most of the time I don't know what to do with myself, and you KNOW THAT, yet you still manage to ignore it and treat me like shit then make me feel guilty when I get annoyed. You're the one person outside my family who knows what we're going through and yet you don't bat an eyelid and you don't give a fuck. I am so, so angry right now. I don't even know what to say to you. Right now, I hate you. Strong word but my God do I mean it, after you've disappointed me and made me feel worse than I should so many times. You are so selfish.

Sleep All Day - Reel Big Fish What a genius song. I miss you, Auntie Maureen. We'll look after Francesca and Fede though, don't you worry. Fede loved the day out with Mum and I yesterday. It's not nice when she starts crying at dinner, though. But we're all thinking about you. They're playing Viva La Vida for you on Monday. I can't think of anything to sing other than that song now. It was a good request on your part (: I wish I'd asked you for German tutoring before my GCSEs. Not because I did badly, because I feel bad for passing on spending time with you. Fuck, if only we'd known then. Francesca's friend Karl had lunch with the family today, I wonder how Antonio was. I know that, if you'd been there, everything would have been fine for him. You're impossible to feel awkward around. You were gentle even when you were in the hospice, barely able to see. You're my favourite Aunt - I haven't told anyone that apart from Mum, and she said she's secretly kept it. It's obvious how amazing Francesca and Fede are - I just know Fran's going to make a difference in the world when she's older. Fede is so cheerful and lovely, I feel horrible for being short with him yesterday but I promise it was only because of my headache. I'm not looking forward to Monday. I'm not very good at funerals. At least, I don't think I am - I've only ever been to one, Grandad's and that was horrible. They make me sad and I know I'll cry in front of everyone and I know that secretly people don't want to see other people crying at funerals, you're just meant to bow your head and look sad and pay your respects. I hope Grandma smiles again soon.