two assemblies today. that was good. first one was extremely boring, but i missed class so whatever. the second one was alright, mostly fun cause we were outside and i fooled around with my friends the whole time. the only problem was, when i was walking inside after the second one, he was right there. my friend who knows everything thats happened gave me a look. a look of pity. i felt like punching her for some reason. maybe because i'm trying to move on and not let it affect me, and that just sent me crumbling on the inside. i kept smiling though, and continued fooling around with everyone. just like nothing was wrong. first four periods were a breeze because of the two assemblies, and lunch was fine, fun like always. the last three periods, not so much. gym was horrible, like always. i had to be a captain, the one thing i never want to do. it went fine, though being up and picking people made me slightly nervous. especially with 'popular' annoying shitty people there. english went extremely slow. my best friends crush just might have flirted with me. fuck. world studies, my only class with him was alright. until i glanced over at him, and saw him looking at me. i seriously got the shivers right then and there, and not because of being cold. i had a few laughs throughout class, and that was it. but those eyes killed me. i would have been fine. every time i even see him, just get a glance, i get that feeling in my stomach. how could i have been so stupid? it was a simple acquaintance, a friendship at most. but i ruined it. he barely says a word to me now. I FEEL SO STUPID. why did i have to go and screw it up? ---------------------------------------- the only good thing is that, from what i can see, he hasn't told anyone. if he told any of his shitty friends, i would know. they'd say something. thank fucking god he didn't. if he did, it would be a whole lot worse.

when he looked at me with those eyes, those eyes that have led me wrong, i almost started crying. i wanted to hug him, but i couldn't. because that would be 'wrong'. i don't care what he says. there is, or at least was, something there. i thought he was annoying as hell, and talked a shitload more than any other boy. but then he started talking with me, and everything went spiraling down. at first i just was messing with him. but then i started liking him. i thought he liked me. but apparently, he doesn't. today was okay, but other days haven't been so good. i really like him. what am i going to do?