Paranoia frustrates me so much!! Yet i cant say aaanyythiiing 'cause JEALOUSYY is just as baaad... Jamie and Lee are worried about Alex and Becky and EVERYONE ELSE! do you know how horrible and disrespectful it is for a girl to tell you she loves you and you to NOT BELIEVE HER??? WHY WOULD SHE BE OUT WITH YOU IF SHE'S INTO SOMEONE ELSE Well i know people like that.. but they're the kind of people who think life is just a game. Alex and Becky are NOT like that!! They're real and down to earth and awesome. i was talking to Adam about it and he said he'd never get paranoid over things like that. =] i told him to be glad he wasnt with one of the pretty girls. 'cause if i was pretty he would have to worry about other guys and stuff. but he just turned round, said ''i am with one of the pretty girls" and kissed me.. awww :3 Oh and him and Harry said i weighed about the same as Alex! HAHAHAHAHA i KNOW that i'm about 2 stone heavier than her, maybe a bit more. for a FACT. i mean duhh... you can tell just by looking. she's all slim and has got a flat stomach, and i'm really not and i haven't xD but ohh well.. i do not mind being hench. =) being real skinny would be a disadvantage in sparring! O: i did my English speaking coursework on tae kwon-do. the teacher grading it said i did well good! if only i'd realised before.. if you talk about something you actuallly know and give a shit about, you do a lot better! OMG... its the grading tonight. nervous! nervous! nervous! Adam said he would come to watch so that will hopefully be ok. right so.. there's this girl i dont like. i never liked her in the first place 'cause guys liked her too much and i can never control the jealousy.. BUT it seems my dislike for her is finally justified!! i mean, after she dumped my friend by text and our other friend had to cut a shoelace from tight around his neck, i was a little pissed off with her.. and then she got a new boyfriend like a day after.. i thought that was a bit out of order.. but now. all she ever does is sit with her boyfriend away from the group. she doesnt talk to any of us, not even hello or goodbye or anything. at school, the only thing she'll ask us is to tell her bf where she is.. or just use us as someone to hang around with. and she's upset/pissed off her three most closest friends in the group.. REAL badly. and they are three of the nicest girls EVER.. so now she's upset them, i FINALLY feel i can justify my dislike for her. and tbh, she really isn't that hot just 'cause she's skinny.. i've got a better ass and rack than her fo'sho. and i'm not bringing up the marble/ping pong ball theory 'cause thats just BITCHY. not even an attractive personality to make up for it tbh.. she's just annoying and retarded. and not even in a funny way. but still, i've been hiding my dislike for her for a good half a year.. why stop now? all i can say is.. after what she did, she doesn't deserve him. life really is just a game to her. as long as she looks pretty, no one else's feelings even come into consideration. but all my shallow male friends will still adore her because they find her attractive. (another reason why we can hate my OTHER disliked person.. he'll only hang out with girls if he thinks they're attractive!! i want to slap him.) and do you know who is a lying, using rat?? BAIZLEY MCBAIZE. WHO ELSE. He has this girlfriend, Hannah, and she's real sweet and nice. but he's USING HER. he still hasn't gotten over is long-time crush on (see above.. yeah ANOTHER shallow cunt who loves the using bitch 'cause she's 'hot'.) and yet he still goes out with Hannah. EVERYTHING he says is a LIE. he says he wants to make the relationship work. yet he said the argue all the time and the next argument he's calling quits. he says he's in love with Hannah. yet he tells everyone he can't get over marble face. BUUT.. there's really complicated Liam/Hannah/Becca stuff going on as well.. basically.. Becca's as bad as Baize, which is why Baize always sticks up for her when me and Liam slag her off, leading me + Liam to think he fancies her.. (as well as the girlfriend he's supposedly in love with and the whore he supposedly can't get over.) thing is, Becca did the same thing that Baize is doing to Hannah to Liam, so there'll be hard feelings there.. BUT.. basically.. Liam + Hannah should be together. Liam would treat her so much better, and Hannah kind of likes him back.. (yeahh.. everyone in that group fancies people who aren't their bf/gf.. their relationships arent as hardcore as Jamie/Alex and Lee/Becky, so my first rant of this entry is irrelevant here..) basically. Baize and Becca are both lying, cheating rats and deserve each other. Liam and Hannah are both lovely and would work. Apart from Liam's REALLY tall and Hannah's really quite small, lol height difference. but that won't matter. Everyone should just sort themselves out and stop using people. and paranoia will die!! Hahaa.. i did get a bit worried when Adam was on about Becky being a really close mate of his.. "but do you know what we talked about in all those long late-night conversations?" "what?" "you." =]

i had a well long convo with Laura last night.. about sex, mostly, but yeah xD i told her my innermost secret as well. i've got two deep dark secrets.. one you cant know because it explains something that you think is already justified (and also explains The Plan).. and the other, you'd think i was weird and disgusting if i told you.. and Laura's the only one in the whole world who knows both. :3 she truly is my best friend. i mean, outside of Wales and apart from Geo (who i havent talked to properly in time 'cause she's got qualifiers) my best mate is meant to be Ems. but really, there are a hell of a lot of things i cant tell her.. not that i dont trust her, 'cause i do, (even tho she cant keep her mouth shut a lot of the time, but neither can i and youve gotta love her for it xD) its just.. there are some things she cant accept as.. i dunno. its like a tiny part of her is still clinging on to the preps' ideas of conventionality and popularity.. like, theres been at least 3 occasions when ive asked her why she doesnt like someone, and her reply has been or ended in "..s/he just looks dirty..." i dont want to sound like im slagging her off, 'cause i love her, but i really feel like i cant be myself in front of her, and you really should be able to do that in front of your best mate. but i know if i told her what i admitted to Laura last night she'd be so freaked and weirded out... And something else.. i act different in front of different people, yeah? i think we all do it. i put on different fronts for different people. but lately i've noticed a trend... i can only be myself when i'm in front of guys. i dont know why, but i feel there has to be some layer of pretention when i'm with girls. i have to hold back. the only girls who get the true me are Laura and Geo. and it used to be Spo, before things changed between us.. i dont know, i just feel i fit in more with guys. i can admit stuff to guys. its hard to explain.. Oh but last night i wa talking to Ems on msn and she said that apparently ive changed. it wasnt a big change, she said, but it was like i was more moody and got pissed off more. and if theres one thing you know about me, its that I ABSOLUTELY HATE BEING TOLD I'VE CHANGED. but then Ems said that she thought maybe it was her being more irritable lately.. oh i know what i did! i said something as like a jokey insult. the kind of thing i say to Geo when i want to make her laugh. but Ems thought i was being moody. see, this is why i fit in with guys.. Guys can take insults better, if you know what i mean. i love insulting people for a laugh, its like my main humour. yeah im a cunt xD well basically Ems said she needs change. which is what she's been saying for a while.. i think since everyone else got together in like, one week of March and she was still single... i think that kind of pissed her. But yeah im level 5 on runescape. just from tutorial island xD i think im hooked again.. shit. LOL. and i have this Busted song on Adam's mp3 on repeat, 'cause its AMAZING. "She looks like, does like, sounds like me, she's stealing my identity, and i'm begging you somebody notice me somebody notice, im fading away here, what i gotta do to make you see? my girlfriend is a wannabe, and she wants to be me!" SERIOUSLY I LOVE IT XD seriously, wouldnt it be PISSING funny if some chick tried to skank her boyfriend's identity? xD well i'd lol. ....GET ME BLONDE HAIR DYE AND A BASS GUITAR :D

woww havent updated here in time! so since my last entry three weeks ago.. ermm went to Oxford for my birthday.. bought The Art Of Drowining (AMAZING).. Chester died and came back like Jesus.. went on a small Carteton adventure (lol that was fun).. ummm. other stuff that probably isnt important. ive come up with a new screen name :D that is too long for Runescape how straight. yeah Adam made me join Runescape AGAIN.. i have to make this one good apparently. well ive gone up like two levels in cooking, fishing, wcing and firemaking since i started last night :D (and yes im still only in the first part of the tutorial lol for shame.) i was gonna talk about Runescape and my screen name and character some more but i think that would be just a bit too sad. (: yeah and i'm re-joining dA once i've got some new art. i can still draw manga characters!! i found out the other day. i was drawing my new char.. i used to draw them all the time, i was always making up little stories and characters.. then i got a social life. but it think it would be cool to make up little stories and stuff again :D anyway. I DONT EVER HAVE TO DO RELIGIOUS STUDIES EVER AGAIN IN MY WHOLE LIFE :D:D:D i took my final RS exam yesterday :D i think i did shit but oh well, RS doesnt do anything for you xD Haha i swapped Chester for Adam's mp3 player. i found a cool song by The Used :D and i listened to a bit of System Of A Down but it scares me. umm what else have we got on here.. Trivium lol obv.. good stuff.. OH and there's Paramore, and you know how i hate Paramore? well this thing's got Riot! on it and its actually pretty good.. lol... bit of Avenged Sevenfold... ...a lot of Avenged Sevenfold.. BFMV.. yay.. not the album i have tho.. altho the album i do have was skanked off Adam's memory stick anyway, hahaha. hmm i was meant to burn that memory stick or throw it in the lake.. haha.. actually i was gonna throw Adam in the lake. but he's too cute :3 and quite a lot bigger than me.. but thats what flying side kicks are for. =) LOL WE TRIED FLYING SIDE KICKS I SUCKED ASS I WENT OVER ON MY FRONT XD it was fun tho. do you know what i hate? how people have to hate. not just people our age either.. i swear adults do it too.. its like, you see a group of people your own age walking past. i mean, i'd see them as potential friends. i'd think they were on my side. but no apparently. its like people feel threatened by their peers.. as soon as you see a group like i just described, you've got to give them evils or start on them or something childish like that.. theres this one girl i know, quite a good friend of mine actually, so i wont name her, but she literally has to start on anyone around our age she sees.. if one of them laughs at something, she'll imeadiately assume they're laughing at her.. if they glance her way, she'll think she's getting dirty looks.. do you know what i mean? and its like she cant go one day without arguing with anyone. like, not too long ago, she had this massive argument with my best mate over nothing.. then suddenly she just turned around and called it off, and is fine with her. but then like, the next day she was after someone else for some stupid little joke they made. She was having a go at him outside the back gate yesterday, and some other guy stuck up for him, saying he hadn't done anything wrong. and tbh from what i hear he hadn't. but, as Ems wisely said, "they're both playing their expected roles", so who knows who we believe. im not gettng involved 'cause i never do. i just dont see why we have to be so insecure that we lash out at everyone and take everything to heart. i dont want to be like that. i like everyone.. in our group i mean. well actually. there's two people i dont, but i act like i like them to their face 'cause i dont want to cause any trouble. one i dont like 'cause i dont think she deserves what she's got just because she's got a pretty face, and the other is a bullshitter who uses people for real nasty stuff, and i'm fully justified in disliking him after what he did. and you think you know what i mean by 'what he did', but you dont. and i'll never tell you. and i think he's convinced himself it never happened. so you're not finding out either.. OMG I LOVE THIS SONG! HAVENT HEARD IT IN FUCKING TIME!! ADAM'S MP3, I LOVE YOU "Her conscience calls the guilty to come home..." i have no idea why i've never been into Bullet For My Valentine before. i hope Adam's having fun with Chester (oo er). i want The Showdown dammit D: lol The Showdown's the only reason he wanted Chester in the first place. xD they are amazing. hmm i seem to be turning into a metal fan This mp3 player is seriously just metal in a tube and Busted. ..........yes.