I can't hold myself together. If only I could really tell someone. I don't know what happened to me last night but I think I had a slight case of a mental breakdown. And its carried into tonight. I don't know why its like this. I want things to go back to the way they were. I can't stand this.

haven't been on this thing forever.

"You strive for attention, even if its good attention, bad attention or sexual attention." Oh do I love my therapist. Isn't that such a lovely thing to say to me? But I guess in a sense its really true. I adore attention in anyway it comes. But anyways I've been really busy, Friday night I was out and then Saturday I went up to Del Mar for the night, stayed at my friends sister apartment. We went into the spa for the complex and we saw these two guys walking around, and they where cute. (: So about after the fourth time they walked by I called them over. chit chated and then told them to go get their bathing suits on and get it. And so they did. So much fun. Then some other people came and kind of killed it so we went into the sauna, without it on and did our thing. FUN TIMES. The sunday had to wake up friggin' early and headed up to Disneyland and has SO much fun. Monday got to miss intersession and go to California adventure. I was expecting us to come home around seven but ended up getting home at like 10:30 and I had to write two friggin' essays. Didn't get into bed until around twelve. it sucked.
For some gay reason I've been listening to 'see you again' I AM LAME (: but i loveeeeeee it kill me. I WANT SLEEP I LOVE SLEEP. I want to pass out already but its SO early. well if someone is up and sees this IM me. whateverrrkt

Last night was gay. I hate teachers who lack common sense. Its just like COME ON ALREADY. Stupid bitch ass teacher kick me out of her class for no apparent reason, then called my mom talking about how I act is "not appropriate". But whatever, on a lighter note, I washed my car today. Then I kissed my mom's ass and washed hers too. I can't wait to get my license in two months. OH YEAH, I got to drive my dad truck around the block, Its a brand new 08 ford f-150. I was so flippin' happy. I LOVED IT. It was so nice. I really want to go snowboarding. I just want it to be winter already. LOVE LOVE LOVE winter. And oh god, my itunes is acting like a bitch. When I click to play a song it does the thing to change the name and i'm just like NO! I don't want to do that. And then the fuckin' "mini itunes' thing won't fucking go away once I click no. fuck my life . :| Yesterday was my ex-boyfriends birthday. Thank god we go to different school so I don't have to see him. I was way to scared to call and say Happy-Birthday. I really really still want to. I don't know if I shouldn't bother or what. Its just all gay gay gay. But anyways, lately i've been really sick of everyones shit. I just want everyone to fucking shut up. And so when I go and just chill by myself everyone is just like " OMG KRISTYN ARE YOU OKAY?! TALK TO ME I'M HEREEEEEE." Just makes me think about how sometimes I would want to be that quite girl in the corner who no one really cares about. I know I love attention but hell, way to much lately. Everyone all up in my grill. It gets old. And I hate how some people think I'm not 'as' smart because of how I dress, talk blah blah. But shit I'm smarter than your mother, I'm just really lazy and don't care for homework. I just don't like getting perceived in that way. "Freedom is not worth having if it does not include the freedom to make mistakes." -Mahatma Gandhi. I am in love with that quote. It just gets me right at that spot. When we think of freedom we think ' Oh we get to talk about whatever & act in whatever way" But never once does it come along that we need the freedom to make a mistake. Mistakes are so disowned, people are scared to make them but the truth is that they make us. without mistakes you can't learn and the point is to learn from everything. Your strengthens and weaknesses. I guess thats all for 040208? nighty night.

Hi, I'm Kristyn. And I really am different from what everyone thinks I am. I don't know how to start this whole 'thing'. I mean it weird if you just start it out with a big bang, right? - I'm back on a later note of the day. I'm sitting here listening to The Click Five & I am really liking them. So I'm eating Shrimp Scampi, and it came in this pasta bag company thing. And I've had there pasta before and it was good, but this time the pasta taste.. pasta-less. The shrimp is hard. and The garlic is..soggy. I can't believe that I'm sick! It really sucks, Had a sore throat and for about three days now my voice has been in and out. Pretty gay if y0u ask me and everyone finds it so much fun to make fun of my voice BUT ITS NOT. I'm really not liking intersession, my teacher for it is a HUGE bitch. She needs to get a grip, stop doing drugs and get her shit together. She swears she is the shit and knows everything about English but hell, I know more than that bitch. The only reason I'm there is because my ass ditched so much. Its not that I lack the English language skills, I just don't like school. Honestly it is just a waste of my time. All the pointless homework, I mean I always get 'advanced' on my testing. I CAN'T WAIT FOR THE CAHSEE RESULTS. And if you don't know what the CAHSEE is its the California High School Exit Exam. You take it as a sophomore but its 7th grade learning. Can someone explain that one to me? I remember being in the class taking that, the whole time I was thinking about how a fuckin' third grader could pass it. I got distracted by cute boyssss. But then again who doesn't. ;) But among all the things I do seem to understand, boys is just not on that list. Yeah for about two seconds I thought I understood them but when it comes down to it, I and no one else really do. Just how you boys complain that you don't understand girls, shit we don't understand you. WHATSOEVER. My ex-boyfriends birthday is tomorrow, I want to call and say Happy Birthday but I don't know. :/ We broke up a few weeks ago and hes already back with his girlfriend. That was SUCH a blow to me. But then again HEY I've been talking to his bestfriend. Wonder what he thinks of this whole thing. If there is one thing I want to know is what he is thinking when we talk on the phone, Flirt and have our little 11:11 phone call make a wish shit. I mean really is it all bullshit or should I get my hopes up? SHITFUCKMEANDMYLIFE. I just don't know what to do anymore. And wow I really didn't think i would write this much. Its kind of nice to have somewhere to just write and write. I could never keep a real journal, not my thing. I think maybe I need therapy again? But I like writing this out. Oh god I'm gay. AND LOL I love how my itunes just went from Gym Class Heros to the Kottonmouth Kings-420. Good shit man. I think we'll have a talk about 420 later. If you catch my flow. By the way, this guy I've liked since last September 19th, I found out him and his girlfriend broke up on the 28th which would have been me and my ex's one month. Freak stuff? Or is that just me. I've been liking him from afar. Kind of sucks but its life. I guess this is enough for right now or today. I guess we'll find out later? 033108.