6 short weeks until i am expelled from the structure i've mock-rebelled against for 4 years. and as scary as graduation seems, i'm also utterly terrified at the thought i won't pass english and have to be a summer grad. shiittttt. i'm supposed to go to prom, but probly alone cause no one's going to ask me. i suck that bad. (then again, i have no hot friends. then againnn i have very few friends at all. go, self-alienation.) then we graduate. from what i hear it's supposed to be quick and relatively painless. but after that, disneyland grad nite. whee! BUT if i don't graduate, then I can't go to grad nite, and i won't be there with my stepbrother's school and the guy i like. double fudge, right? also, this is the last day the compeuters are going to be accessible. after today, they're getting set up for AP/IB testing, and then finally textbook returns. SO, i'm going to be utterly computerless. booo. enough shit and stalling from me, but to anyone who finds any interest in what i need to rant out at the interwebs, this is my indeterminate farewell. 'bye.

Have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced? hell yes. i'm getting snakebites when i'm 18. Does a kiss make you feel better? if it's the right sort with right intentions Have you ever passed out on the bathroom floor? no.. i fell asleep in the (empty) bathtub once Do you start the water before you get in the shower or when you get in? before. What did you do today? i haven't even really done skool yet. i've sat in the lbrary for 4 hours cause i thought i could go home and hang out with someone but then my stepdad took a sick day. =[ Have you ever brushed your teeth while in the shower? ... people do that? O.o Have you had more than 3 boyfriends/girlfriends at the same time? why do you even need more than one? Have you ever thought about your death? not recently Ever been in love? sure yeah Would you rather be in a permanent relationship or play the field? if the permanent was perfect. What is your favorite sport? what? What color is your shower curtain? crap. i'm getting a new one soon. Have you ever had stitches? no, fortunately. Did you believe that boys/girls had cooties? still do. Do you know how to use chop sticks? well enough Lyrics stuck in your head? listening to the cure "close to me" Do you like the Red Sox or Yankeess? whatwhatwhat? What are you doing tomorrow? skool. bleh. Who was the last person you couldn't take your eyes off of? um.. no one. Have you ever given money to a homeless person? mhmm Have you ever run over an animal? no and i hope never to. What is your favorite cereal? whatever's a sugar overload Have you ever had an Oreo with peanut butter? not an oreo fan. What are you doing right at this moment? um. duh. and trying not to see johnny's bare tummy when he stretches. ew. Do you think its right for straight guys to get their tongue pierced? however they like it =] Where's your favorite place to be? with friends, without fam What's your favorite song? just one? damn. Are you more of a coffee or alcohol drinker? coffee, sure. Have you ever thrown shoes on a telephone wire? nope. Have you ever been arrested? no. Do you dream in black and white? nah, colors baby Do you talk in your sleep? not that i'm aware of Do you snore? no. Are you a redneck? no. i'm not from the 909 Funniest thing you heard all day? i got a verification code on subeta that said "orgy" What are you afraid of? stuff, dude. oh, mold. What would you say to God if you met him in Heaven? dude.. wtf was that all about?

so there's this girl in my drama class. i've been in class with her all year and only the other day found out she's partially deaf. the people who were in drama 1 with her knew this, but us who weren't had no idea. see, all year we've tried to avoid grouping with her like the goddamn plague. when put in a scene with her, she never knows her cues, and she says ever fucking line like she's reading it. never able to change her inflection. and if she mispronounces a word, she says it the same way every damn time. we've been pissed off to no end about her. bur now that i know this about her, it makes sense. HOWEVER a hearing disability should not affect her visual ability and how she can read. we're reciting shakespearean sonnets now, and "When forty winters shall besiege thy brow And dig deep trenches in thy beauty's field, Thy youth's proud livery, so gazed on now, Will be a tatter'd weed, of snall worth held" becomes, out of her mouth "when forty winters have beSEIged thy brow And deep in a field Thy proud livery will become a weed of thy lusty days" I don't think she has any excuse for that. she can speak normally, even if it comes out sounding a little slurred. so why can't she read the right fucking words in order off a page? a few weeks ago, i was put with this girl in a group and she missed her cues again. another girl started yelling at her to "be on your fucking cues goddamnit" ..as the teacher walked in. teach gave her a telling-off about never to use those words in her class again, and for a couple of weeks onward, whenever the yeller's name came up in conversation with her, techer would say "ooh, she's mean." (or to the effect, of course.) however, she was only saying what the rest of us were thinking. i for one agreed. but yesterday when i told her that the girl was deaf her tone immediately changed. "omigod and I was so mean to her!" However, after hearing the practice run of her sonnet, i don't see why i should pity her. the girl, deaf or not, is incapable. i don't understand why people treat disableds like they deserve a higher rank than the rest of us. for the most part, people like that i've come in contact with want to be treated like everyone else, not like they're freaks. and if i think someone needs to step it up, i'm going to treat them like it, wheter they're partially deaf, in a wheelchair, or missing an arm. if they can do what needs to be done, they damn well should. the world doesn't stop for those of us who were put together with all the right bits, and if you want to be "normal," start fucking showing it.

hey. hey. hey. hey. come pollinate me, hey. I need it to be summer now. I need to be graduated and have a job and have my mfing car already. but, shit, i don't turn 18 till the very end of of august. if not, i've got these last 12 bucks to spend on you. you can take me anywhere your sick mind wants to. so much for the post-grad road trip...not like i have anyone to go with anymore. you know, i read people's journals here. i click "latest journal" just to see. usually it's about "him/her" (but most likely him) and i wonder if i'm really such a waste as i think or i'm doing the right thing or i'm just unlucky/stupid/fail? i have no idea what i'm supposed to be doing here. i have 44 days not to fail english in order to graduate.