so its been abotu a year since ive written in this journal. a lot has changed ben and i broke up in january. i have a new bf. lets not use his name tho. itll be 3 months on thursday im writing in this journal cuz i cant get my other one to load which sucks. big time. im a junior in high school now. im somewhat happy. but mostly not. im so stuck right now. i need help but theres no one to turn to. they all say what i already know. they hate him. i cant go to them for help. they just make it worse.

so this past week i was in north carolina visiting family. it was good to get away. i needed it more than i even knew he called once. monday morning. i have no way of getting in contact with him cuz his fucking phone is screwed up adn hes in fucking new york in case u cant tell im a bit angry/aggrivated/frustrated/upset/pissy...all of the above. so thats where the swearing is from im just having a shitty night and i swear to god if im not in a good mood when he calls he's going to get ripped to shreds. thats how not okay i am with him at the moment anyways. driving lesson tomorrow. we will see how that goes...

i like you. a lot. i really do. more so than i liked him i think. im falling in love. im not going to deny it but sometimes when we're together or talking on the phone i feel like im baby sitting a five year old. not a fourteen year old. and its frustrating. after u left last night i was so warn out from just "baby sitting" you that when i tried to go to sleep, i couldnt. i kept thinking "i need to talk to you. i have to tell you this. i dont want this to be the kind of relationship where we dont talk abotu things...like him. i just hope youre not mad at me for saying it. i want us to make it. i want us to last.