i hate waking up everymorning to her cheery face. I hate being in the same room with her. I hate having the same fucking DNA as her. i hate it i hate it i fucking hate IT i cant take any more of the lies. i cant listen to her say one more time that im a burden, that im nothing but trouble for her. i am done listening to her push me down, pull me back up and just push me down again harder. next time, let her hope i will be so kind as to go along with it like shes right just let her keep thinking that shes right one day it'll hit her that shes a fucking bitch who deserves to burn in hell [one day soon] ............................ Take me away to better days. Take me away: A higher place. There's a place that I go, But nobody knows. Where the rivers flow, And I call it home. And there's no more lies. In the darkness, there's light. And nobody cries. There's only butterflies. Take me away: A secret place. A sweet escape: Take me away.

i tried it again, i must be doing it wrong b/c its not working i just want her to realize all this pain shes causing me. i want her to understand that shes not the only one who has had to deal with 2 cancers, a divorce, and a broken foot. i lived thru it with her. she doesnt realize that it affected me too. i wish she did. maybe, just maybe, she wud realize that i've been thru hell and back and she just makes me want to stay there

i have lost complete control over everything my life emotions thoughts anything and everything i hate waking up every morning, knowing that i have to live thru the same shit again. and again, and again. my life is a broken record player. it just keeps playing the same shitty day. over and over and over again. im sick and tired of it. some days i just wish that i didnt wake up. i wish that i had enuff will power over myself to actually do sumthing worth while. i tried cutting the other day, needless to say, i couldnt bring myself to do any damage. is that a sign? idk. i just wish i cud do _sumthing_ to myself that will actually make her realize what shes doing to me. i jsut wish there was some way i could get her to realize all this fucking shit shes causing me. i just pray some nights that i dont wake up in the morning. yet, there i am, at the sound of the radio, bracing myself for another day

here i come great. the thoughts are back. i thought i had gotten rid of them. i thought i was getting better. but apparently fucking not. nothing i ever do fucking works. i try to fix what "i've" done. i dont want to be anywhere. i just want to disappear, along with all this fucking shit that has happened and then maybe just maybe things wud be better

INSTRUCTIONS 1. Put your music player on shuffle. 2. Press forward for each question. 3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Finale- wicked except not WHAT'S YOUR OUTLOOK ON LIFE? I'm somebody-dreamgirls hell no WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Dont speak liar- we the kinds i guess... WHAT DO STRANGERS THINK OF YOU? survivor- destiny's child i guess WHAT DO YOUR EX'S THINK OF YOU? Love for all seasons- christina aguilera bahahhahaha...sure HOW IS YOUR LOVE LIFE? Rescued- Jacks Mannequin def. HOW WILL YOUR LOVE LIFE BE IN THE FUTURE? Against all odds (take a look at me now)- Phil collins yeah...right WILL YOU GET MARRIED? Mosh-eminem ... WILL YOU HAVE KIDS? savin me-nickelback is that a yes or no? ARE YOU GOOD AT SCHOOL? I can hear the bells- hairspray yes? WILL YOU BE SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE? When i first saw you-dreamgirls i guess... WHAT SONG SHOULD THEY PLAY ON YOUR BIRTHDAY? Wasted-carrie underwood BAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHA THE SOUNDTRACK OF YOUR LIFE: Get set- the dear abbeys i guess YOU AND YOUR BEST FRIEND ARE: Dreamgirls- dreamgirrls u bet we are WHAT DOES NEXT YEAR HAVE IN STORE FOR ME? Yellow Brick Road-eminem So im going to the land of Oz??? WHAT DO I SAY WHEN LIFE GETS TOO HARD? One, two step- missy elliot baahhahahah sure WHAT SONG WILL I DANCE TO AT MY WEDDING? lift'em on up-pat benatar lift wat up WHAT DO YOU WANT AS A CAREER? Breakout-foo fighters im sure YOUR FAVOURITE SAYING? A place in this world-taylor swift ... HOW WILL I DIE? Should've said no-taylor swift well then... THE SONG THAT YOU'LL HAVE AS THE TITLE? Paul-eminem alrighty then

just a song i wrote (Verse 1) She took hold of that big strong hand The one that’d keep her safe She thought about the world she thought she knew Then realized it was fake (Chorus) So hold on baby, hold on tight Don’t ever let go Hold on baby, don’t lose sight Don’t let those tears wash away The remaining years (Verse 2) The years kept moving by, at the speed of light Before she knew it she was driving fast Trying to forget the fright She thought back to the years she loved Chorus (Verse 3) What ever happened She doesn’t know But she remembers what he last said Chorus (Verse 4) So hold on baby, hold on tight Don’t ever let go So hold on baby, come on back To this place called home

on everything. im finished trying to figure it all out im finished trying to figure him out i cant take it anymore. im so confused and frustrated and im done. im just done. if he wants to keep going on in life keeping things to himself then fine. im done trying to figure out what the hell is wrong with him when he wont even talk to me. thats it im. done.

well its been a while. lets start with the ups: 1) the freshman sb team is 5-1-1 which is suprisingly good since the 2 middle schools sucked last year 2) ?????????? i dont think that there is a 2. pretty sad isnt it??? so. now for the downs: 1) im having doubts again, about *B*. i know hes quiet and rly shy, but hes been A LOT more quiet and just idk. i feel like hes lost interest in me. i mean, its not my fault i dont get home til 5pm or later every night and that hes never on when i am, and that he never stays after school OR comes to school ontime in teh morning. so theres nothing i can do, right? and yet i feel like it was (or still is) my fault. what ever [it] is. and im at a loss. im stuck. therre is nothing that i know of that can make him come back. and a month ago he said it was stress. ok. so? everyone has stress. and i know it effects some differently than others but there has to be sumthing else. something more troubling thats making him pull away from me. but what is it? i. dont. know. and thats what scares me. we're in a relationship yet i feel like i dont know him at all. i feel like its back to november when we first started being friends and he was awkard and like didnt talk. then he started talking more and becoming more comfortable with me and now its back to square one. square fucking one. and im fucking sick and tired of it. it= being left in the dark. being worried about him with out him even knowing. it being every little fucking thing i feel so alone on this. the other day on teh way to sb practice, taylor was talkign abotu how perfect tj is and how hes everything she cud of asked for. how he always knows when sumthing is wrong, when she wants to be held and just that they dont need to tlak to fill a silence. i wish i had that. i knwo thats selfish but i dont fuckign care. i feel like im still single, and i liked feeling like there was sum1 out there who liked me for me and i cud be myself and not feel the need to be sum1 i wasnt. but i dont feel like that anymore cuz im afraid that if i say sumthing wrong with him, i cud, just possibly, send him over the edge. and whats waiting over [it], i dont know. and now i dont even know if he still likes me. eric used to assure me that he was head over heels for me, and now, im not so sure. and im not so sure i like the new him either. i just want some reassurence, from some one or sumthing. idc. i just need sumthing to keep [this] alive. **************************************** And maybe, we were made We were made for each other Ahh, is it possible for the World to look this way forever? Ahhh, Ahhh...