So, still no job. Still in desperate need of money. Still dying of boredom. Still can't find a college to go to. Life is super. Oh, and I've officially self-diagnosed myself as a misanthrope. I give up...

So summer is finally here, has been here for a while actually. My computer died a few weeks ago which is why I've had the lapse in updates. So here's what has happened: My friend forced me to get a Vampire Freaks page but I get so lost on all those kinds of websites so I can't actually do anything on it unless she's here. It's so dumb. My sister moved out and took Panda so now Mea has no one to play with. I am in desperate need of money but still can't seem to find someone to hire me. I'm bored out of my mind and I'm pretty sure all of my creativity has been sucked out by annoying people.

So I don't know if you guys have ever heard of Chiodos but if you haven't, they're amazing. Anyway, the other day I was listening to Is It Progression If A Cannibal Uses A Fork? and I was wondering if it was or not. So anyway, I went and asked three different teachers. A Communication Arts teacher, a World History teacher, and a Health teacher. The Health teacher said yes and the others said no. So I looked it up. Turns out it's only progression if the cannibals were to stop hunting and gathering and begin to farm. So cannibals will progress when they start farms where they grow people to eat. Pretty creepy, huh?

Ah, finally, school is almost over. I just have to make it through finals and then I am free. My last summer of freedom and I have nothing to do. My friends are either going somewhere on vacation, moving to go to college, or they have a job. Yeah, I need one but no one will hire me as I've complained about before. This journal has become my place to complain. I apologize. I don't mean to. It's better than complaining to people though. Oh well, I'm so tired today I don't even know what's going on. Has anyone ever heard of an outdoor graduation? Who does that? I went to a graduation for my cousin this weekend and it was outside. With no trees. In sunny, 80* weather. Yeah, I got burnt. A lot. So I haven't been sleeping. Not that that is anything new, but I was finally starting to sleep and now it's back to no sleep and lots of headaches. Fun stuff. I'm so grouchy today. I missed The Cure in concert yesterday. One of my friends went. I'm jealous. But mostly too tired to care. And my iPod died... Well, I'll go ahead and stop now. I'll write again when I'm in a better mood so I'm not just complaining the whole time. It's useless. I can't even form fully coherent sentences. Ah, so on a very depressing note... Dean's in Hell...(Supernatural. Ever seen it? You should watch it. It's good.) I have 'Wake Up' stuck in my head. Sorry Three Days Grace, I'm too tired to wake up. I wanna sleep. Well, I'm going to nap now.

Did you know that 13 was originally a lucky number? It originally meant luck and good fortune. But then again, so did the swastica. Oh, well. I tried. I've decided I pretty much love Guns N' Roses. I have Welcome to the Jungle stuck in my head. And Trapt finally came out with a new CD. They're gonna be at Rockfest! YAY! I can't wait. It's so funny, my mom is trying to think of reasons why I can't go. A few days ago she came up with a really original answer. "That music is satanic. It's satan music. It isn't healthy." Haha, yeah I thought people were done with that one but I guess some people like antiques. I loved the whole, 'If you play a record backwards Satan will speak to you.' Yeah, he was probably telling you that you're playing the record backwards. Idiots. Aw, I missed Avenged Sevenfold, Bullet for my Valentine, and Atreyu. It's so sad. Anyway, this weekend pretty much sucked. I went to a family graduation party thing and ended up serving drinks the entire time. So yeah, that was a blast! (

So I've been thinking (I know, never a good thing but I always end up doing it anyway) and I realized... no one is actually different. Because, everyone is unique and therefore, everyone is the same. Since everyone can be classified as one thing, unique, then no one is unique. The word unique means that there is no other. But there are others. Everyone. That's kinda depressing... Aliens are all just ice cream sandwiches... in pants? On a... different (haha) note, there is a play at my school tonight. It's some kind of Women Empowerment thing. Yeah, I mean, I think it's good to inform people about it, but how are they going to make a play about it? I don't get it. Although I'll probably end up going to it eventually. It's playing for several days. Apparently one of the principals got ahold of part of the script (the part about African women being circumcised) and said it was inappropriate so he insisted that he gets to read all of their material. He made a whole bunch of bullshit up about how it is all inappropriate and wanted them to call off the play (sexist, anyone?) but instead they agreed to censor the play. So tonight they are performing the uncensored one but they won't let anyone under 17 in. Yeah, they're stupid. It's not like they're showing us porn. They're informing people about abuse and sexism. And all the profits go to Synergy House (a shelter for abused women). People are stupid. I don't like them. Haha, just kidding. But they really are very dumb. I have Light My Fire (The Doors) stuck in my head! ...So I'm listening to shitloads of Cobra Starship to force it out of my head. Not that I don't like The Doors. I do. I just don't want that song stuck in my head. But it's better than I Think I Love You (Partridge Family). One Day, Robots Will Cry. I love that song! I think it might be my favorite Cobra Starship song. Oh, and A Perfect Circle. I've been listening to a lot of them. One of my friends' friends sang Passive at the school and she did an AMAZING job. Ever since I haven't been able to stop listening to them. Just let me ask you, hey, have you heard of my religion? It's called the Church of Hot Addiction. We believe that God has lust for everything. Cause now the time has come for your devotion, and you've already got the notion... Hmm... What else? I'm really bored so I don't want to stop writing but I don't really have anything else to say... Oh well, it's not like I have anything else to do but waste your time. Life's simple tasks are really only a defense against the fact that we die a little more every day. Look up Beelz by Stephen Lynch. And Superhero by ^ too. And Bring It (Snakes on a Plane) by Cobra Starship. Well it's actually a mix between the lead singers of Cobra Starship, Gym Class Heroes, The Academy Is..., Midtown, and The Sounds! Ii don't know the last two, but it's a pretty amazing song. I love it. Ok, I give up. I can't think of anything else. Not really, I'm sure I could if I really tried but Criminal Minds is almost on so I'm going to go watch it. It's an amazing show. You should watch it. Ok, talk to you all later.

Only 4 weeks of school left. So excited. You don't even know. All I have left to do is 'Romeo and Juliet' for 2 weeks and then finals. YAY! Well, that's just CA but whatever. I have one more unit in Geometry, World War II in World History, something I don't care about in Physics, and the Fitness unit in Health. Eww, I forgot, Tuesday we have to do the endurance run. Yeah, I may look like I'm in shape but I promise you, I'm just about the farthest thing from it. I can jog about two blocks before I keel over and die. Anyway, not much left to do and that makes me so happy. But I really don't want to do my Business Law II final. I suck at remembering all those legal terms. I'm only in that class because the teacher is awesome and I have to take a Personal Finance type class in order to graduate. What sucks is that they added a class called Personal Finance so now that I've taken two Business Law classes I'm still going to have to take a really annoying Personal Finance class. UGH! I hate school administrators. Haha, so that reminds me, our school hired some 'hall monitors' but I'm pretty sure they told the applicants that they were getting a job as a bouncer. Hahaha, they are these two HUGE guys that lean against the wall with their arms crossed and everything. It's great. And one of them is like all big and beefy but he has a really little face. It's like all scrunched together or something. It's so funny. We call him LittleFace because we don't know what his real name is. I love it. All I have to do is walk past him and I crack up and my day instantly brightens. Ah, LittleFace, if only you knew the relief from everyday stress you brought me. Anyway, that was kinda dumb, but oh well. Oh my god, I'm dying... I can't breathe. Somehow I managed to get a cold in the middle of SPRING! I mean what the hell! And just in time for the weekend, too. UGH!!! My friend is talking about starting up writing again. I'm happy or her. I guess she used to write a lot of short stories and stuff, but she stopped a while ago. From what I hear they were really good too. I'm so jealous. I always used to want to write, but I kinda suck at it. Like, yeah, I can write stuff in here but they're just my random thoughts on things that happened I can't seem to keep a story going. For the longest time I've wanted to be a writer. You know, like as my career. Then all I'd have to do is write a few bestsellers and I'd be free to do what I really love. Travel! I want to visit every major city in the world before I die. I think that'd be awesome. But anyway, back to my friend. I'm happy she's gonna start writing and all, but it's making me feel kinda insignificant. I mean, I used to love to draw and make things out of clay and stuff, but I wasn't any good. Not really, anyway. And she is in Art and is absolutely AMAZING. She drew a beautiful portrait of her friend recently, and it looks just like him. The face and everything is just perfect. So I was already incredibly jealous of her for that. Now don't think I'm being petty and ridiculous, you'd be jealous too if one of your best friends outshined you in every way possible. I mean she does all the things that I love, except that she's actually amazing at it. And she's very pretty, too. It's really starting to get to me. I want to start up drawing again but I know it'll look elementary and horrible compared to any of hers. And I've been trying to start up writing again but I can't even think of a story. All she does is look on the Internet for names she likes and then just starts writing. The stories just form around her characters. I can't do that. Not even close. I just wish I was that good at something. Anything. Pretty much the only thing that I've got on her is cooking. But I don't love that like I love Art. I mean yeah, baking is fun on occasion but it's not something I love that much. ARGH! I'm screwed... Ok I read back over that and it was very petty and ridiculous. Sorry, random breakdown. Moving on, I'm pretty much in love with Anne Rice's books. I love them. Vampires are amazing. Now, I'm not saying that in the fangirl, creepy, I-wish-I-had-a-vampire-for-a-boyfriend way, or in the I'm-a-cool-goth-because-I-have-a-vampire-fetish trendy way. I just think vampires are amazing creatures. I kinda hope they really do exist. Vampires like Louis who still have their human conscience and who think about things and use their unlimited time to learn. I'd love that. To be able to read every book in every library and still have time to spare. Or the more fantastical vampire that Stephenie Meyer writes into existence. Edward. Anyway, I should change the subject before I get too vampire fetish-y. Chocolate isn't everything, but it's close. I've been reading a lot lately. I'm starting to run out of books. I just finished Interview with the Vampire (Anne Rice) and all of Scott Westerfeld's books. (I LOVE them.) I'm currently reading A Great And Terrible Beauty (Libba Bray) which was recommended to me by a friend. I need more book suggestions... You should give me some. -SWITCH- I kick ass at the new Mario Kart game. The one for the Wii. Haha, hell yeah. I beat my friend's dad a whole bunch of times. I'm going back over to his house for a rematch sometime today. His dad warned me that he's 'been practicing!' Oh no. What will I do? Well I'm not gonna let an old man beat me. That's for sure! Hahahaha, just kidding. Well I'm gonna go play with Panda and then kick some Mario Kart ass! Talk to you people later. Or now. But probably later. Okay, see ya!

Yes! I got a ticket for Rockfest '08 and I finally get to go. I wanted to last year but my mother is overprotective and thinks people are going to force me to take drugs or something. I don't even know. But yeah, there are SO many of my friends that are going. It's going to be amazing. I can't wait. Chevelle, Shinedown, Another Animal, Red Line Chemistry, Stone Temple Pilots, and Saving Abel all live! And that's not even all of the bands. That's just a few. I'm so happy. My sister got me sick! I feel like crap. My throat is killing me, I have a headache, and EVERYTHING hurts! Thanks a lot sis. Ah well, I guess I'll get over it. Disturbed is coming with Slipknot!! I want to go so bad but since I can't get a job, I don't have the money for the tickets. It's so sad. I want to see Disturbed live SO bad! They are one of my favorite bands ever! They're so amazing. At least I get to see Chevelle live! YAY! I hate dentists. I had to go yesterday to get a tiny little filling. Yeah I think I might be allergic to the numbing stuff they use there. And he hit my nerve so it still hurts...really bad. But yeah, when they give me that shot I always end up not being able to breathe very well. It's like I'm really congested or something. I don't know but it really sucks. Let's see, other than that, I haven't really done much. This weekend I walked like 2 miles to go to QuikTrip because I wanted some Mt. Dew. Haha, yeah I'm pretty sure something is wrong with my brain. Um, what else...? Oh, Bones and House came back with new episodes... FINALLY. I missed them so much. It's hard to find a reason to be lazy without my shows on. And Supernatural is back too. Yay! I'm so glad my shows are coming back on. Oh, in physics today we watched 'The Day After Tomorrow' and had to take notes so me and my friend drew a picture of a bunch of people drowning and freezing and being attacked by tornados and giving advice on what to do it the world ends. So yeah, here is what you need to remember if that ever happens: 'Drowning is not healthy.' 'If the world is ending, bring your coat.' 'Windows do not protect you from tidal waves.' 'Running from tidal waves doesn't work out too well.' 'Hail is psycho; it'll kill you.' 'Hurricanes don't form over land... Unless the world is ending.' 'Gas freezes at -150 degrees ferenheit. Don't try to breathe frozen gas.' 'Wolves will eat you.' Yep, great advice don't you think? I liked it. Well, I think that's all I've got. Screw you guys, I'ma goin home. "Show me what it's like to dream in black and white so I can leave this world tonight." Unknown Soldier (Breaking Benjamin)

Hmm, yet another week of pointless schooling. I think I could do a better job of educating myself at home than this building full of underpaid, unenthusiastic, bored-out-of-their-minds, sick-of-children teachers can. I mean, yeah, some of them are really cool people, but I mean, what can they teach me that I can't figure out for myself at home. Maybe then I would get some sleep. I mean seriously, what makes them think that we're gonna remember anything at 7 am? It's freaking ridiculous. I'm sick of it and can't wait for summer and late mornings to come. Well, I think I'm done complaining. Although, I don't really have anything else to talk about. School is finally over on May 29. They added 3 days because of 'winter weather.' Yeah, they suck. But at least this morning they announced that those day will now be half days. Yay, I get to wake up at 6 am so that I can waste my time until 10 and then go back to bed. I hate people. At least that medication for narcolepsy is working... somewhat. I'm not half asleep all day anymore. I can actually wake up! Yay! But today, I don't know, I couldn't sleep last night so I ended up reading Interview With The Vampire (Anne Rice) all night and now I'm exhausted. The medicine is helping a little but I kinda have a headache and I really just don't want to be here. Panda, our ferret is adorable. She is vicious when she wants to be though. It's so cute. She's the sweetest little thing ever. My kitten likes to play with her and Panda charges Mea (the cat) and attacks her tail. It's so cute. I think Mea is starting to learn her lesson. When the ferret runs at her she jumps up onto the couch to escape. It's hilarious to watch them wrestle. We make sure neither one gets hurt for real of course. Sometimes we have to seperate them because Mea gets a little too rough. I love my crazy animals! Oh, so good news: I don't remember if I told you guys yet but I went in for an MRI because the sleep doctor thought it was weird that I had narcolepsy. But yeah, there is still no proof that there is something wrong with my brain. Now, I know, we all know there really is, but there's still no PROOF! Hell yeah! I win. God Must Hate Me (Simple Plan) is stuck in my head!!! So is I Think I Love You (Partridge Family). Wow, God MUST hate me... Haha, just kidding, I love that song. 'This morning I woke up with this feeling, I didn't know how to deal with, and so I just decided to myself, I'd hide it to myself and never talk about it, and didn't I go and shout it when you walked into the room: I THINK I LOVE YOU!'

Warning: This entry is going to be bitchy. I am writing it so that I can vent. Day of Silence: For those of you who don't know what this is, Day of Silence was originally observed because a boy in high school was afraid to come out and tell people he was gay. Well, one day he finally did and some of his classmates tied him to the flagpole and beat him to death. Day of Silence honors those who are too afraid to say anything as well as remembers those who have been killed for their beliefs. This is largely viewed as a 'Gay Pride' holiday, but if you ask me, I'd say it's about freedom of opinion. No one should ever have to die for their opinion or belief, even if I don't agree with it. Anyway, basically if you support Day of Silence, you don't speak a single word to anyone on that day (today). Technically, it is acceptable to speak to teachers to either explain your silence or answer a direct question, but most people don't. Okay, so today is the Day of Silence, right? Well, I support it. Wholeheartedly. And my mother? She hates it. She thinks that gay and bisexual people are demented, sick, and mentally ill. (Yeah, those are exact words she has used before.) Anyway, my problem is not with my mother who is close-minded and self-righteous. I don't blame her. I know it's just her religion telling her that. And, I guess, since she was raised to believe in this particular religion she has become almost brainwashed with it. Seriously, if they've mentioned a like or dislike of something at her church, her belief system instantly lines up with what they've said. It kind of scares me. It's like they really can brainwash people. Anyway, back to the main issue. I wanted to go to school (I know, weird, right?) and participate in the Day of Silence to show my support. Because, quite frankly, I don't care if I agree with someone's belief, I don't think they should EVER have to die for it. (Unless it's like a serial killer religion or something.) So yeah, the people at my school who wish to protest against Day of Silence stay home from school. And people who don't care, or are going to participate come to school. Well, my mother decided that, even though I want to participate and agree with it, she's going to USE ME to protest against it. Yeah, she MADE me stay home from school. So she's making it look like I am against this and it's stupid, because I strongly support it. It's not the staying home from school that I mind, it's the fact that she's USING ME SO SHE CAN PROTEST AGAINST SOMETHING I'M NOT AGAINST! Well, fuck her. So yeah, I'm going to try to not talk all day at home. That should piss her off. Happy Day of Silence everyone. (Is happy the right one?) On a happier note: I'm going to get a ferret today! YAY! Well, technically it'd be my sister's but she's going to college next all so I'll be taking care of her a lot. I love her. We were at this job fair yesterday, and got bored after finding NO jobs that we could work at (I have slightly eccentric hair color so mostly people just looked at me like I was joking about getting a job. I guess I need to dye it black or something before the end of school.) we wandered into an Exotic Pets Store and we were looking at the snakes (they are so cute!) and other reptiles (I love baby bearded dragons. Holy shit, they are ADORABLE) Anyway, eventually we made it around to the furry animals and my sister has always wanted a ferret. Well, I see this one sleeping all curled up and adorable and we ask to hold one. So my sister picks up this one that she thinks has the cutest personality. Yeah, she was wrong. So I hand her the one I was looking at and she was so sweet and cute. She doesn't bite except real gently, and she snuggles up in your arms. Anyway, me and my sister and my friend all fell completely and irrevocably in love with her. We named her Panda. And we're going to pick her up this later morning. I'm so happy!! "I disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it." -Voltaire