If I had a super power right now, it would be the ability to shoot anger out of my hands in the form of flesh eating acid and my parents would be the first targets. On the only night since school started that I have absolutely free from band, homework, work, chores, etc...they have decided that they are going to a concert in LA and that I can't be trusted to stay the night by myself, so I'm spending the night at my GRANDMOTHER'S HOUSE!!. I almost screamed. Because first of all, why the hell can't they trust me? They've never caught me doing anything...bad! I'm a good kid on average. It's almost pathetic. Second of all, I do have SIBLINGS living here with me! My older sister is old enough to drive, for god sakes. Third of all, Why do I have to go to my GRANDMOTHER's HOUSE? I told them that if they were going to make me leave, then I could spend the night at a friend's house. But no. My parents intend for me to spend saturday night miserable sleeping on my poor grandma's couch. I think they really just want us out of the house so they can screw...but if they didn't want kids around they shouldn't have had any. Or they could just book a hotel room. Okay. Sorry about the rant. About the football game....we won. 35 to effin 0. :) And yeah, i got to see my old band geek friends. Oh how I miss them so. Everybody is pretty much the same, except Zach. His hair's longer. I personally like it short....but not my choice, of course. He looks good either way. They all had to leave too soon. And all those memories and feelings I worked so hard burying this summer, were all dug up and scattered for all to see. I felt like sobbing the minute Z walked up to us. I looked at my feet the rest of the time. But still, good to see old faces. Trying to race through this entry before my mind starts whirling. Just thought I'd update a bit before i forget. Song Stuck in my Head: Swing Swing - All American Rejects "swing, swing swing from the tangles of my heart is crushed by a former love can you help me find a way to carry on again"

Columbia Pioneers 1998-2005 I've been looking at all my old yearbooks. That song by Nickelback - Photograph keeps playing in my mind and it annoys me. Weird remembering what all your old classmates used to look like in elementary school and comparing their faces as you walk by them in high school. Then. Now. For example: Jacob L. For as long as I've known him, Jacob has always had his greasy blond hair styled into a bowl cut. Like every 3 months his mother took some kitchen ceramic bowl, stuck it on the poor kids head and cut around the edges. But the other day I saw him at Liberty Park and no more bowl cut! His hair was cropped short and i could still see flakes of dandruff but he still looked different :) We have a football game this friday against the school all my friends go to. They'll probably bring their band too. Which means it will be incredably humiliating if we make a sucky halftime performance. I better see Zach. And he better talk to me. Or I'll be pissed of. Haven't see him in months. :( Going to Fresno to meet family. Funnn. Check out this song: She Is The New Thing - The Horrors.

Konstantine by Something Corporate makes the memories come back crystal clear. Why does it have to be a sad song? It's beautiful. Yet it makes me feel ugly. The song remind me of people who have left my life already They aren't here with me. Ghosts They shouldn't be drifting in my thoughts anymore. But apparently I'm not strong enough to stop their voices, their faces, their presence from clouding my head. There are plenty of people that deserve to be remembered for their loyalty and kindness, but my mind is always drifting to that corner and unlocks that cage. I have enough to be happy about, I shouldn't be feeling like this. It's selfish and it's self centered. But where the hell is the cure? If awful memories make me feel like shit then why don't good memories make me better??? Music can be both poison and medicine packed into one song. It's a bittersweet symphony.

"As you walk on by Will you call my name?" Ugh. I'm all lightheaded and dizzy. For no particular reason. Vertigo or something. The season's changing. I can feel it in my bones. I know that it's barely september, and it's still hotter than hell. But the days are getting shorter. The trees are fading. And the sky is turning gray. I don't know why...but season changes always have weird effects on me. It's a mix between deja vu and a brief floods of past emotions. I read this story once by Ray Bradbury about a community a hundred years in the future living on Venus, where it always rains. Except like every 9 years the sun comes out for an hour. I don't like rain. I don't like clouds and cold. It makes me feels claustrophobic. That's why I live in California. Oh yeah the county fair's coming to town. I love the fair. Can't wait. Last year, I went right before my cousin's wedding. She and her finance went and so did Brian and his friend, Brandon. That had to be 1 of my happiest memories. Corey and Melissa looked like one of those perfect movie star couples and Brandon was super cute :) Anyways...I hope the fair this year, is as great as last year was. Song Stuck in my Head: Don't You Forget About Me - Simple Minds. God, this song won't leave me alone. I've been hearing it everywhere. But it's gotta be my favorite 80's song ever. "Don't you forget about me I'll be alone, dancing you know it baby Going to take you apart I'll put us back together at heart, baby"

I need to find some new friends. The few I have are self centered and cold. This isn't how I wanted to start off the year. 2nd week of school and I have nothing to talk about. It was picture day today. After zero period marching band I was getting dressed in the bathroom and overhearing bits and pieces of gossip. I hated it. Shallow. Harsh. I swear, those girls could find something horrible to say about every other girl at the high school. And they're soooo insecure. They spend practically the whole 1st period in front of the mirror, straightener in 1 hand and makeup in the other, begging for constant reassurance and praise. I get out of there as fast as possible. Edward Scissorhands is on HBO. Yay. Song Stuck in my Head: The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows - Brand New "So keep the blood in your head And keep your feet on the ground Perfect depression song. And the music doesn't even sound like it. (not that I'm depressed. just apathetic)

Today was the first day of school. It was insanely dull. The teachers lectured and called us “children” and their faces broke out into huge grins whenever some kid asked a stupid question. It’s like they think we’re still a bunch of lovable innocent little 3rd graders. Do they realized how barbaric and nasty we really are? Do they really believe we’re all clueless morons that can’t function with out detailed directions and rules to set boundaries and guide us. And it's really annoying cuz the boy/girl ratio is like 5 girls to every guy. All the girls look the same. Blond, shit loads of makeup. Frizzy hair caused by straightening each individual strand like 5 times a morning. This is where i need some individuality. In geometry there were only like 5 guys and 15 girls. I need to stand out!!!! I watched The Breakfast Club yesterday. I love 80's movies. :) Song Stuck in My Head: Stay Beautiful - The Last Goodnight. "Don't stop, don’t change, stay beautiful One life, today, you're irresistible"

i need to delete these other stupid isolated enties (for the 5th fucking time) School starts in 2 days. I'll get around to it then. I'll start writing again too. I need a new wallet. Right now I'm watching a video on youtube on how to make one out of duct tape. Pretty interesting stuff right there.

here's 1 of my playlists. i need to add more songs, cuz that's only about 10% of what's on my ipod right now, but i'm too lazy and it's hard to find the exact songs. Enjoy.