no, thats not it. I just want to get over this situation, I want it to end. I want everything to end. I just want to be happy. I want everyone to know that I never knew and I never meant for any of this to happen. I'm sorry as much as I can be. I don't know why everyone isn't letting go like I had for so long. Maybe I just don't know what I want, maybe I'm a young, immature, selfish, bitch and thats why all of this happened. Maybe I don't really know love no matter how comfortable I am saying that I love him. Maybe I shouldn't have seen him so much or talked to him so much, he never defended me when the time came. He doesn't care and never will. Why do I try. Why do I try when she is done, makes her seem like she has a better head on her shoulders than I do. Fuck that. I'm done with this, she isn't. I don't care anymore. IM SORRY IM SORRY IM SORRY but at the same time im not because they were done and she couldn't get over that and I don't know how to prove that I'm sorry, because if i leave then yeah that is big, but it only shows that I was too weak to even try to handle all of this in the first place. I'm not weak. I'm scared, but I am NOT weak.

maybe i just want to screw him. yeah. i bet thats it.

I'm using this to vent. mostly to myself. I make things harder, I try to fix them, and it always makes it worse. The hardest part about realizing that is realizing that nothing was severely wrong till I stepped in. Most days I just want to step out. "I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they’re right, you believe less so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." The more I think about things, the less I care. And the less I care, the less I want to be here, but the more I think about that, the less I care about what makes me hurt. Which makes me decide to stay. Somewhere, sometime, something is going to push me to my lowest point and I'm afraid that I won't get back from there if I do. I want someone to stick up for me.