the last few days have been pretty upsetting. the makeout sessions and late night texting are getting pretty old. my feelings are starting to mix. and having to cope with the fact that rylie has leukemia is all too much for me to handle. I cried for three days straight, I sware. im still hoping its some kind of sick joke. or a bad nightmare, but then I realize, its all real. im not really in the mood for posting. and the only reason I did was to get my mind off of it. this is crazy, nicolerisque.

automated heartbeats fall victim to your steady words the sky looked absolutely dazzling today. I took a million pictures. the view is even more amazing during night time. the sky is dark, and a million sparkling dots are in plain view. its so pretty. i want to take it and put it in my pocket, forever to have. bamboozle was amazing (on saturday). scratch that, it was spankin. ha. seriously. I got to meet a lot of different bands. and see a lot of them perform too. I fell in love with this band called porcelain. they're from australia. we the kings was my favorite

its a shame he didn't know their love was just a lie through her teeth it rained again today. but suprisingly, it wasn't a bad day. it was considerably good. I looked at my iPod today, and I noticed that I have absolutely no taking back sunday on it. I used to have all their songs on it (I have all their cds) but then my iPod went wack and all my songs got deleted. it sucked. I guess I never put them back on. I also don't have any more cartel or dashboard. shame. I think ill fix that now. "and baby don't follow their lead 'cause you never know just how the story ends or how the stroy goes and you are so confused and baby its just like you to say anything else." I watched sixteen candles again. fourth time in the last month. jeeez. I sware, I could recite the entire screenplay if I wanted to. I know everyone thinks that whole love senario between sam and jake is so cliche, but I like it. I do believe I've met my jake ryan. psht, you'll never guess which band im listening to now. altered images. ha. I heard them while watching sixteen candles. they're so... idk, I can't explain it, but their music makes me want to dance. like the way they dance at the end of the breakfast club. god, im so oldschool. ha, during school, some doctor lady came to talked to us about stds. it was pretty nasty. (oh, excuse me, nasteh) she showed us pictures that are sure to traumatize me for life. this would be the part where I say "im never going to have sex" except I know that's a lie. while were on that topic... do you guys believe in waiting until marraige. I don't. only because I don't want to get married. the only difference between a bf/gf relationship and a hubby/wife relationship is a ring. or that's the way I see it anyways, your entitled to your opinions too. the hopeful, nicolerisque

it rained today. rainy whether upsets my mood. have you ever noticed that in a lot of movies (like the notebook) they have those dramatic kissing scenes in the rain? its not so romantic in the real world. only because you regret it sevral days later when you've lost your voice and your throat burns like a monther. believe me, I've been there and its not pretty. excuse my lack of posting. my minds been pretty much blank. I tried coming up with sevral entires (yesterday...) and they all sounded like shit to me. excuse my french. I spilled glitter all over my bed spread. I don't even know what I was doing with glitter in the first place to tell you the truth. its all over my hands too. rawrr. "When I look in her eyes, well I just see the sky" I am so mad at myself. I was making a flyer (for school) and I was putting on the date (which was supposed to be april 18) and I put MARCH 18. disaster. all in all, today was a bad day. I hope for a better forecast tomorow. scream it like you mean it, nicolerisque

I know right, its crazy that this title is more than just one word. I figured I should change that since everything else about me is changing as well. my headphones broke today. it was absolutely tragic. I freakin loved them. they were amazing. they were huge, bright yellow/orange and they took me a year to find. im so mad. I had to use my cheap old ones. plain small black ones. on the plus side, they're way better than earphones, and the sound is insane. I still like the yellow ones better. "And if the story ends here I can't be surprised to find Your eyes are open wide And that I have inspired you" my boyfriends helping me see the brighter side of things. lately, everythings been going so wrong. he makes me happy. if it weren't for him, I don't know what id do. I can't, honestly, imagine my life without him. his lips taste like jelly beans (ha) and his kiss makes me fly. you probably think im some stupid young lovestruck teenager, I sware im so much more. im back in school now. no more going to sleep at 3 am and waking up at 1 pm. its back to 12 am sleep and 5 am wake. so its time for we the kings to sing me to sleep. like february in the summer, nicolerisque

horizon stretches from east to west, seperating us by distances. its disappointing how some people don't see the beauty in things. if you look at a sunset and say, its just a sun or look at a tree and say its just a plant, your terribly wrong. its so much more than that. you need to look deep within things. just like in a person. you just need to look at things in the right light. this is probably just crap to you, I don't really care. music is the way to my heart, nicolerisque.

your heart out in a million brilliant shades of ruby red. im quitting, cold turkey, this dyk crap. it was complete nonsense anyways. oh dear, I've become another moody teenager, angry with [myself, but taking it out on] the world. its a shame. deadtired. I missed your skin while you were east, nicolerisque.

drinks jelly beans from a margarita glass because alcohol gives him nightmares. I bought me some yellow converse and drew on them. can you say speed racer? also bought me some wayfarer sunnies. can you say holy crap that's awsome? tomorow. six flags. more flags, more fun. I've always loved it there. the drive is an hour from where I live, but its worth it. riding rollercoasters helps me clear my mind. get away from everything. its a good feeling. and you get the adrenaline rush too. dyk: gitchee gitchee goo means I love you. my contact fell ou of my eye. I lost it. it now resides somewhere underneath my bed along with dirty clothes and dust bunnies. so now im stuck with one green eye and one brown eye. gah. I haven't taken out my contacts or cleaned then since who knows when. ha, that's not good. I finished my wall painting today. took me a month. I like it, a lot. a lot a lot a lot. its new york city. the entire thing. I painted the empire state building, statue of liberty, central park, the courthouse. every. little. detail. its almost crazy, but like I said, I like it. a lot a lot a lot. reinventing love, nicolerisque.

fall across our cheeks as our lips press together. we pay no attention to this cold weather. a lot of people have been asking me were I got my screen name from. (hollywoodfadeaway) I guess ill use that for my dyk of the day. dyk: my screen name comes from a Hole song, Celebrity Skin. it doesn't directly say "hollywood fade away" but while listening to the song, I came up with it. holly shizznit. I fell in love. :o with norther downpour. jeeez. the words are nonsense, but have so much eloquence to them. I can't explain it. as soon as it started, a chill ran up my spine. "hey moon, please forget to fall down. hey moon, don't you go down." when I listen to it, its like gravity is nonexistant. I float up into the sky and the clouds hug my skin. I start spinning, and the world just disappears. wow. I am a victim of procrastination. its roots are too deep inside me for me just to dig this habit out. I know I should be doing my project, but I don't. its fine though. I usually don't do things until a day or two before, and evrything turns our wonderful. I still get really stressed and freaked out about it though. hahaha, I was reading through my past entries, and I have MANY spelling and grammar errors. tisk. its shameful. ill try to do better in future entries. this is quite longer than my other entries, isn't it. one last thing and I sware im done. elvis died on the crapper. (nooo, I am not using profanity words, crapper is actually the last name of the man who invented the toilet) but there are still people who think that elvis is alive. people who think that he faked his death. crazy, yo. oh, and then there's other people who think paul mccartney is dead. they think paul died in a car crash and the remaining three beatles tried to cover it up by hiring a look/sound-a-like in paul's place. crazy, yo. my heart just skipped a beat, nicolerisque.

bad side compliments you like gold benefits a king. dyk: my eyesight is 20/30. which is indeed terrible. bamboozle left is in a few days! april fiffth to be exact! it kinda sucks cos I have a party on that day too. (but bamboozle is way more important, so I just won't go) the big dodger came is also in a few days. its on saturday. dodgers vs. redsox at the collesium to celebrate the 50th anneversary. the game doesn't start till seven, but were getting there at 12 cos were gonna tailgate. I text like way too much. from feb 24 to mar 24, I have used 4763 text messages. I am not exagerating, I am completely serious. from mar 25 (2.30am) to mar 26 (12.52am) I have used 327 messages. don't you think that's crazy? I think im addicted, yo. I barley noticed it, but my etymology project is due in like 5 days, and I haven't even started. I kinda blanked out, until I remembered while reading organised-chaos's journal. im freaking out over here. repeatitively speaking, nicolerisque.