as i sit here in my school's library, wearing my "i support the bob bryar solo project" t-shirt, i cant help but let my mind wander to the apparent curse over my town-the high school in particular... we at Midlothian High School, Midlothian TX have on average 1.5 deaths per year. its really sad. every year people say"oh, i wonder who's going to die this year." it usually happens among the seniors. for example- last year around spring break a senior named brooke cambron said that same thing, and she never made it back from spring break. there have been several since i started my freshman year here: jenny lehman, brandon palady, jackie dumond, matt minter, abram ortega... a few others i cant remember, which makes me incredibly sad... THIS YEAR: something completely unexpected- she was only a sophmore. her name was Kindle Smith, and she was hit by a drunk driver on February 23, 2008. massive head and lower torso injuries, so i read i the local paper. you can still see blood and broken glass on that street, beside the cross and roses that have been placed at the site. I didn't know this girl, though i can vaguely remember her face (i probably passed her in the halls or in the lunch line or something). However, a few of my friends were close to her, and i can't begin to tell you about the pain i saw on their faces that following monday, holding them as they cried, trying to comfort them, yet not being stupid enough to tell them it'll be okay. i know enough now to know that it wont be okay. Not anytime soon at least. but it will happen. the rest of us are still here, still going to school, or work, or church- just like normal. but kindle isn't here anymore, just like so many others. so what do we do? we live our lives just like we always have, but we remember these things, and be grateful we are still here. i planned on wearing this shirt today. i plan to work 6am to 2pm on saturday. i plan to graduate in june and go to Texas Tech. and then, once i am married to the man of my dreams and have an awesome teaching job, i plan to have two or three beautiful children. a matthew and a marie. and a beagle. will i achieve these goals? i dont know. im sure all the people above had their plans- how many of theirs got accomplished? they weren't given much time. the way i see it, you are put on this earth for a purpose. once you complete that purpose, whether you know what it is or not, its time to go back home. i look at a lot of the students around here, and they don't take life for granted. not anymore. maybe thats why this had to happen... but i can't know that. if anyone out there believes in god, is a christian or whatnot, id ask you to keep my school in your prayers, and of course all the families and loved ones of kindle smith. and also, a girl named rachael. apparently she was in the car with kindle when she was killed. no one seems to know who she is, and thats probably for the best. but i prefer to focus on helping the one who is still alive, while grieveing for the one lost. thank you. im sure this is incredibly long, but i needed to write all this. god bless.

why is it that when a band changes their sound and/or gets a little bit of fame, suddenly they are sellouts? i honestly don't care that my chem or atreyu or a7x or any other amazing band that has developed over the years are now plastered on the tshirts of preppy freshmen. i know the truth, thats what matters. i've said it before and ill say it again- its a good thing. people need to listen to this music. its amazing. i know that it is a huge part in how i am who i am, and i know others feel that way. a7x and atreyu and mcr all cut back on the screaming. all have cleaner vocals. why is this bad? crap. class is over and i have to go. ill propaly post a part 2 to this. you people disappoint me.

heh heh... i couldn't think of a title for this one so there's a shout out to my love, brian... anyhoo.... sometimes i wonder about all of the hardcore metallica-slayer-pink floyd kids that are too good for anything less than "real metal" secretly sing along to fall out boy in the car or know all the words to all the songs on "a fever you cant sweat out"... im only curious... i only say this because i was at work the other day and my boss became so shocked when the music started playing hilary duff's "so yesterday", and i sang along as loud as i could without getting in trouble... he proceeded to tell me that it was uncharacteristic being that i am goth... -choke- i am not under any circumstances goth. or emo. or scene or prep or gangsta (even though ive been known to chunk up the deuce whilst rolling wit my homies)... granted, i can see where you might get bits and pieces of all these things... most of my friends fit into the goth or emo or scene category... i guess... i do have a soft spot for black band t-shirts... my hair is a bit unkempt at the moment.... and i listen to somewhat... i dunno... darker music? but then i also love to jam to britney spears now and again (the old stuff- it reminds me of my youth!) needless to say i laughed at my boss, as i usually do... time to go peeps! unconditionally and irrevocably, tracee

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