you need to chill. like seriously you need to relax. or like meditate or something. clear your mind. relax. You inner panic was written all across the journal. like four pages worth. you will be fine. So I'm going to put down some things to help you meditate. Yeah I know the probablity of your panic going away right now is low but we will try this any way. But you actually have to try this. http://www.learningmeditation.com/

I'm so proud of you. Kudos for not liking him. =]

so band band band is on my mind. how i'm not prepared to pass off today. or practice with my accompanist. in fact i'm still freaking about the whole piano music thing. i talked to her last night about it, so my mom is bringing the music for horn in D up here. We will look at it and go from there. She has someone else playing that piece so...yeah

so I'm not mad you forgot it. its cool. just bring it tommorrow. but don't avoid me because of it. your my best friend. i wouldn't hate you even if your mom had found it & trashed it. just be upfront and honest. i'm sorry for yelling about it yesterday. i was being pretty ridiculous. so i can see why you ran off this morning. so are we cool?

The crow stares as I grieve, When oh when will you leave? The clock has just struck twelve, Place my grief on a shelve Well, everything is over. Austin turns out to be a very sweet guy, And I did really hurt him. He will probably never like girls again. And I have proven to be a bitch. Oh and he told me if everything worked out between the two of us he would have been straight. There goes something I can remember for the rest of my life. My first relationship, I turn a guy gay. Because I'm that horrible of a person.