Please my little ol' crow, What oh what did you know? Did you know from the start, Or was that just my heart? So I called him. And now I'm waiting. He was still at school, So he said he'd call me back. Now I'm slightly nervous. Well...alittle more than slightly. Maybe more like alot nervous. Cause I screwed up again. Thats not a new thing I suppose. But it still is nerve-racking. Ame says everything will be fine. And I trust her so I'm sure it will be. But still. I'm scared. And panicky. Very panicky. Oh my god, I'm such a bitch. How could I have done that to him? I really hurt him, didn't I? Or maybe I'm just overreacting. I think I do that alot.

Little crow sitting there, Why oh why do you stare? Is it my eyes of brown, Or my unhappy frown? Right now, I'm not very happy. And the way this whole Austin deal is going, I'm not going to be happy for a while. Or atleast until all this stuff is figured out. He keeps giving me that look, Like he is this sad hurt little boy. And it fills me with guilt that I'm sick of. Everytime I look at him I feel horrible. I don't want to feel guilty anymore. Its not my fault he broke up with me. And its not my fault he decided to tell everyone he was gay without being entirely sure if he was gay or not. I thought that complicated mess would be over with, then he has to tell me he likes me again. I don't even know if he really likes me. Then he wants me to go out with him and keep it a secret. My feelings are being dragged around on a chain! Who the hell does he have to impress by being gay dammit! Argh! jkl;fasjdjlafkd!!! Lemme wallow around in self pity some. I'M NOT A FUCKING GUY! If he is gay he needs to go get himself a man. And I'm not a fucking sidewalk either. I am not for him to walk all over. If he wants a girlfriend, he needs to let everyone know he is straight. Or atleast Bi. I'm a girl. A very emotional girl. Who would like to be treated with a little more respect. Please and Thank you. ::sigh:: Even after all this ranting I still feel incredibly guilty. Like its all my fault he feels like this. But its not, is it? Was I too harsh? Did I yell at him too much this morning? He wouldn't talk to anyone during first block. I feel so horrible. He told me to call him if I wanted to talk. Oh hell. What am I going to do? This is too fucking complicated for me.

Gah! I so didn't expect to see the latest journal being yours. It made me feel super super happy. I was like latest journal, nvrbeenkissd? Even though I'm sick, the timeing was perfect. I hope you'll get to read this. Poor Penguin I hope he gets better.

Yesterday I wouldn't wake up till 10:00. Then when I woke up I felt absolutly miserable. I had a high fever and a bad headache. My throat was sore and I continued to feel bad. Last night at about 11:30 I broke my fever. I felt so much better. Mom wouldn't let me go to school though. :[ I understand why now though. I woke up this morning and I can't swallow anything. Unless I want to be in a hell of a lot of pain. I've tried throat losengers, so since that didn't work I'm going to try and drink hot tea.

I have nothing to say that can describe how I feel. I'm fucking horrible at saying everything I need to say. Thats why I'm in this mess anyways. But who want to be around someone miserable. I feel so horrible. Its like this massive hurt that never completely goes away. whatever. no point in me writing this.

I've been stuck in this weird christmas mood all day. Its really strange. Maybe I should stop listening to a bunch of Christmas songs. That probably would do the trick. I just really like them. I'm in more of a christmas mood now than I was at christmas. How pathetic.

ABC of Me The Letter A Are you available?: suree What is your age?: 14 What annoys you?: people who are overly hyper all the time. The Letter B Do you live in a big house?: big enough for me When is your birthday?: July 5th Who is your best friend?: Mango Tango The Letter C What's your favorite candy?: Jolly Ranchers Who's your crush?: A certain someone....jk! When was the last time you cried?: Like yesterday morning The Letter D Do you daydream?: all the time What's your favorite kind of dog?: stuffed ones What day of the week is it?: wednesday The Letter E How do you like your eggs?: on sandwiches Have you ever been in the emergency room?: yeah What's the easiest thing ever to do?: sleep The Letter F Have you ever flown in a plane?: no. Do you use fly swatters?: yeah Have you ever used a foghorn?: no....i want one The Letter G Do you chew gum?: suree doo Are you a giver or a taker?: eh. Do you like gummy candies?: some The Letter H How are you?: pretty good What color is your hair?: brown red The Letter I What's your favorite ice cream?: chocolate chip cookie dough. Have you ever ice skated?: yes, and I fell on my butt. Do you play an instrument?: French Horn! :D The Letter J What's your favorite jelly bean brand?: none Do you wear jewelry?: yep, I can't leave home without my hoops The Letter K Who do you want to kill?: nobody Do you want kids?: yep seven. lol Where did you go for kindergarten?: Central The Letter L Are you laid back?: I can be alittle high strung Do you lie?: would you believe me if I said yes? The Letter M Whats your favorite movie?: Memoirs of a Geisha Do you still watch Disney movies?: Suree do! Do you like mangos?: Yes, I love mango! The Letter N Do you have a nickname?: Yeppers What is your real name?: Peachy Keen Whats your favorite number?: don't really have one Do you prefer night over day?: can I pick mornings? The Letter O What's your one wish?: just one? gosh! Are you an only child?: only lonely me. The Letter P What one fear are you most paranoid about?: certain things. What are your pet peeves?: feet. I do not like feet. What's a personality trait you look for in people?: listening. The Letter Q What's your favorite quote?: Naruto: The third member of our team, Team Kakashi... is Sasuke! As for this guy, he's here to take up space while Sasuke is gone. I refuse to accept someone like him as a team member! Sai: Actually, I'd prefer it if things stayed that way. Sasuke betrayed Konoha and, despite the weakling that he is, ran off to serve Orochimaru only to gain power. He's worthless trash, like Orochimaru, so I hardly want to be associated with him. Naruto: You... [Sakura stops him from saying anything] Sakura: The captain is right. Teamwork is important. As for Naruto... Sai... since he doesn't know you all that, he probably did say a bit much. I apologize for him. Please forgive Naruto. Naruto: S-Sakura-chan... Yamato: Sigh... I'm glad at least one of you is somewhat tolerable. Sai: That's all right, I'm not offended as all. Sakura: [smiling] Really? That's good. [Sakura punches Sai and sends him flying] As for me... I don't want your forgiveness. Are you quick to judge people?: i try not to The Letter R Do you think you're always right?: hell no. Are you one to cry?: yeah, I'm the one who cries The Letter S Do you prefer sun or rain?: rain! rainy day! RAINY DAY! Do you like snow?: yeppers What's your favorite season?: Spring The Letter T What time is it?: 4:10 What time did you wake up?: dunno. 7:10 When was the last time you slept in a tent?: forever ago The Letter U Are you wearing underwear?: yeah. Underwear or boxers?: for a guy? or for me? The Letter V What's the worst veggie?: i like my veggies Where do you want to go on vacation?: Tokyo The Letter W What's your worst habit?: speaking before thinking Where do you live?: TXAS What's your worst fear?: being completly and utterly alone. The Letter X Have you ever had an x-ray?: yeppers Have you seen the x-games?: nope! Do you own a xylophone?: i wish. The Letter Y Do you like the color yellow?: sunshine! What's one thing you yearn for?: .... The Letter Z Whats your zodiac sign?: Leo baby! Do you believe in the zodiac?: No, but I do find it quite interesting. Favorite zoo animal?: Bengal Tiger

Last night I had another vivid nightmare. To me it felt even worse than the rapture one. The details are fuzzy and I would like them to stay fuzzy. I'd prefer not to remember what woke me up crying. I wish I didn't have such strange dreams, and such vivid nightmares. I've heard that dreams hold meanings. That they are things that we need to deal with thoughout the day. If that is true, what is the meaning to all of mine?

So today went well. I got alot of compliments on my hair. Which of course, always makes me feel super good. Although compared to Rain's haircut mine was minor. I loved how Rain's hair looks now. At first glance it was alittle shocking, But it looks good and it brings her up a level. Thats not necessarily the correct wording, what I'm trying to say is it makes her look more mature. Less of a silly goofy Rain, and more of a professional Rain. Not that she needs to be Professional. It did upset me the way Candyland reacted though. In fact I never noticed it before, but alot of the things she does annoys me. I think it was really rude though how obvious she acted. When she was talking about how she dosen't like Rain's hair. Oh well not much I can do, well about that anyway. Nor can I get Farmboy to pay me back. He forgot.....again. I'm afraid I'll never get my dollar back from that kid. Even if he is 'freakin amazinly incredibly good looking.' I kinda sorta want my dollar. Do you know how many pieces of bubblegum I can buy with that? As long as we're speaking of Farmboy... Everytime Ame says something about him, I have to remind myself she dosen't like him. Since she suree sounds like she does. She likes his personality, his brains, and his looks. Ame thinks he'd look "smokin' hot" with black hair. I thought about how maybe she did like him, and she just denies it cause he's a whiteboy. Then I was like nah. She just thinks of him as a friend. A good looking friend. A "freakin amazinly incredibly good looking" friend. Thats all. Not that I don't think he is good looking. He is quite gorgeous. I just don't bring it up as often. You know who else is a good looking blonde? Brennan. Although I know Ame dosen't think so. He is really cute. AND he plays guitar. AND piano. AND he writes songs. AND he is in percussion. [I don't know what it is with me and guys in percussion.] Which is by the way why I mentioned the acoustic guitar. Although I really have been listen to acoustic guitar lately. STAND is going well. I think it really stresses Nessa out though. Everyone basically knows everyone So the talking can get a bit out of hand. I'm going to be helping with the Walking Dead. We will be taking people out of classes during STAND week. Then we will paint their faces and they won't talk for the rest of the day. Its going to be pretty much amazing. So BB is back at school today. He was out with some toe thing. ew. I'm glad he is back though. Well I'm all typed out so peace.

So my new haircut is the shizz, I'm so happy. :D