I don't know what's so great about new years eve. Tomorrow is just gonna be another boring day. I'm bored out of my mind watching Tila's New Years Party, again. I just wish today would be over with. I just wish winterbreak would be over with. I wanna keep my mind busy by doing school work or something. I rather sart drama with people so I have something to do. I hate having to sit here everyday trying to keep myself from self-destruction. Holding up all this anger. It hurts more than anything. I wanna think about something other than the things that forced me to be this way. I don't wanna think about this anger and frustration. I've been having headaches, sudden temper outbursts, and food cravings. I'm feeling sick to my stomach and I can't stop fidgiting. I feel like I'm crazy. Like I'm some mental patient except I'm not in some pleasent hospital. I'm in a hell house.

Hmm, this week went by really fast. It started out really bad because I was stressed about about everything. But it was all worth it. Friday was crazy. Luckily I got all my homework in so I went to Winterfest at school. Then there was Joanna's party and another dance. Pretty hectic. Now today I don't know what to do. I wanna go to the movies, but I don't know who I'm going with. Eh. All I'm doing now is listening to music. Well, I always do that. Don't have much to say. Bye.

This week rushed by really fast. So Saturday I was supposed to go to the movies with "the gang" (aka; Mikey, Sam, and Emily), but turns out I didn't have any money to go so I had to stay home. They at 6 i had to go babysit for this little girl and little boy until 12am! Also they appearently had really long naps that day so they were EXTREMELY hyper. So I got home around 12:30 and then I didn't get much sleep because I had church today. Today was really fun, though. I got to hang out with my mommy all day :). We went to church, then I got a haircut, and then we went to rocky's. My mom's okay I guess. It's kinda fun to hang out with her once in awhile now days. On the way back from Rocky's I was thinking...I've noticed most of my really good friends have changed alot. Last year my friend Tessa was really fun to hang out with and she wasn't so boring like she is now. Also my other friend Jon wasn't such a jackass back then. And Darian. I can't believe we used to be such good friends. It only takes like 2 weeks for our friendship to be ruined. It makes no sence really. I don't know what changed. I shouldn't think too much about the past, but now I'm so confused about the present. Wow it's kinda fucked up.

Yesturday, I had a snow day and all I did was hang out with my friends. It was really fun, but today we had school. It was fun because me and my friends that I hung out with yesterday kept saying all these really weird inside jokes. I guess that was pretty much it for today. Well, okay, in choir we have to create a musical. We pick our group, make up a story line, then pick a ton of our favorite songs to put in it. I'm in a group with Samantha and Adam. Samantha is like one of my best friends and we pretty much both have the same taste in music, but not so much Adam. We picked really good songs and now I have them stuck in my head. My day was boring. Thats about it.

Well, today I had school. It was pretty boring. It flew by so fast like all the other days. After school was fun, I guess. I went to the library with a couple of my friends and then I went to church group. Again, it really helped. I don't have much to write about except for that. I'm just so blank. I've felt like this all week. Theres no emotion left in me, but I'm my same old self. I'm currently listening to junk on Purevolume. Mostly Flyleaf stuff. Yet I still don't feel anything. Its like I'm dead to myself, bu nobody else sees it. The worst part is that I have to pretend like I don't realize it. Uggh. I'm thinking too much again. I always do that. I'll start thinking about something personal and never get to the point of how it really matters. It's pretty pointless. To be honest I don't even understand what I'm saying so I think I'll shut up now.

Yesterday night I was listening to All Around Me (acoustic) by Flyleaf and I looked up the lyrics on here. I realized that song is about God and how hes always with us so today I went to church. I haven't been there in awhile because I've been so busy. I kinda needed to go to. Church is like a therapy session for me and I get to clear my thoughts. They talked about how God sometimes interups our life, like making a huge change in our life. I've always wondered what my life would be like if something huge happened that completely changed everything. I'm a tough person and whatever it is I could get through it. Music has helped my get through anything and as long as I have it, I'm okay.

I'm obviously a music freak like any other sane person on this earth, but the weirdest thing is what music does to us. I'll be sitting in my room listening to my tiny, pink, MP3 player at top volume, singing loudly. I sway, keeping my eyes closed, to the music. My body moves from left to right matching the simple rhythm. Analyzing each word in my head while letting the melody set the mood. Right now I'm currently listening to Hallelujah by Paramore and now I just feel so care free. A perferct song to listen to at the moment. I'm emotionless today. So I do this acting thing after school sometimes with kids from like all around dane county and today was our last play until the spring, but I don't think I wanna join again so this was pretty much the last time I was gonna see some of them again. Still, I feel emotionless. But it's not the worst thing ever. I don't think I plan on writing anymore so I guess this is goodbye now.