Content. That is how i feel. I think? Yes, actually to be feeling only content would be ungrateful. I don't know why, but my mind likes to think that I am a teenager, and so it is supposed to be depressed, and write depressing stuff. But it is so not true. Maybe its just easier to write about depressing stuff, idk. Content, sure I guess that works. Thinking about it sends a sly smile up my face, recalling another excellent example of my luck. On second thought though, it was achieved by deceit and trickery. Even straight up lying. Was it ethical? No. Moral? No. A sin. I guess so. Necessary? Most definently. So while I feel elated at having pulled it off, it serves as a reminder of how far I still have to come to be living the life that Christ would have me live. I think i'll end short tonight. My homework is beckoning me.

I'm assuming no one will ever read this. What am I but one small speck in the millions upon millions online. I am a child, I am a son, a brother, a friend, and a traveler. I am most importantly a servant and a warrior; engaged in a glorious cause that will one day fill the whole earth. This is my record of my journey, so sit back and buckle up, your in for a ride. My life up till now has been amazing, average, but amazing. Every breath i take is a gift from God, and I am thankful for it. But God works in mysterious ways. TIME. what is time, how is it meausred, and why does it insist on flying by? Where I once stood as a child, I look back from a higher peak, and notice now that I am becoming a man. The problem is that i still feel like a child. Oh I will act strong, and independent, I will act optimistic and brave, full of cheer and never doubting. These are the best years of my life right? or are they. Sometimes i don't know. That is the thing I miss most about being younger, when you were younger you knew. You knew that the blue crayon was better than the brown, who the heck ever wanted a brown crayon anyways? Or even as you grew older, you knew if you wanted to take band class, or take art class. They weren't hard decisions. Even if there was the occasional question you didn't know the answer to, there was always an adult to help guide you. Now I'm faced with choices, fired off faster than you can react every day. Do I want a job? Well, that one is obvious, heck no who wants a job? Do i need a job? Oh, well... i'll have to think about that one i guess. What do you want to major in? Major? What the heck, I'm fricken 18, how am I supposed to pick right now, what i want to do for the rest of my life? I don't even know what i want to do next week, come back later please, ask me when I care, cuz i sure as hell don't right now. What do I want to be when i grow up, a doctor? A laywer? A teacher? An engineer(what the heck is an engineer anyways) I don't know. I don't know. Wow, that seems to be an overwhelming theme of this entry. Maybe i should change the title. Honestly though, like I have an fricken clue? No. I don't. And girls? don't even get me started on girls. I'll save that for a later date. CHANGE. Change and time, so closely related. Does time cause change, it would seem so, it seems inevitably so. But i'm starting to learn not everything is what it seems. Thats one thing college has taught me. Lets take a look at two words. Six Months. Six months ago, i had graduated from high school only three nights ago. I was for the most part, carefree. Six months after this graduation, it brings me to this present date. In a different bed at night, with different people, and a whole different state. There is only one constant. Check that, there is more than one I guess, but one main one; and that is God. But even then, I waver, not in my belief that God exists, but that I am worthy to serve him. To be his soldier, and his servant. I question my devotion. Can i give him all. I hope so, i think so. No, i know so. But i digress, again. Back to time and change. Where will i be six months from now? Well, only God knows. But it sure as heck won't be here. There is so much more that is on my mind. But i'm fricken tired. Let me just end this by saying this. I may sound confused, but I am not depressed. Sure, I get depressed. But i'm not depressed. I know who I am, and I know God's plan, I'll follow him in faith. He is my Rock and my Redeemer. Sometimes I just have a lot built up inside and I want to vent. I love my family. Amen for now. Ace