i can take it in the eye. for the team. for them all. i can take it. i can take it. don't give a shit. don't blink. don't fall. i wrecked my car. and i think i did it on purpose. my subconscious wants me dead. i'm not sure my conscious approves. i want to go to church. and be little again. and feel clean. i don't want to be this dirty. i want to be without sin. but i am full. i can feel the particles of grit and sand and filth. flowing through my bloodstream. i miss my god. i want too much. i want it all. but it's okay. "all i have to do is put myself into the mind of a killer. it was hardly a stretch. ...here's hoping i'm back on my game." all my islands have sunk in the deep, so i can hardly relax or even oversleep i feel as if i were home some nights, when we count all the ship lights i guess i'll never know why sparrows love the snow we'll turn off all of the lights and set this ballroom aglow

there's a battle raging inside me. each feeling, each personality of mine, is it's own tentacle. extending and weaving, fighting every other one. tearing one away only to regrow two in it's place. like a fucking hydra. i'm trapped in a writhing mass of destruction and rebirth. alex pardee is such a good artist. i fucking love him. my hair is so blonde now. and my body is so so thin. painfully thin. but i feel pretty now. gorgeous. and i've been getting lustful stares more often and from more attractive strangers, stroking my enlarging ego. and i'm being told that i'm good, i'm so good. at flicking my tongue, at moving my body, at moaning your name. i drive too fast and i play my music too loud. i want the wind to blow through my golden hair. i need to feel each pound of the base beating through my chest cavity. i fucking love the danger of speeding down an open road. it's a power rush. i have to be in control of this potential chaos. or risk losing the power i've obtained. take it out on me so i can hear your broken heart beating and now you've got me shoved against the wall so that i can feel the heat of your body