i need to remind myself. that i am a liar. don't trust me. don't trust me. don't believe these things. the words that fall from my mouth. that swarm in my head. i'm up so high. swaying from unfamiliar heights. i can't walk. i'm unsteady. clutching the poles to keep from falling. from breaking. but it's so attractive. and what i see is real. it's all there is for me. there's no emotion. it's all lust. it's all hate. and their hollow sockets follow. they're so fucking good at keeping watch. and so fucking good at keeping their distance. but just once. i want them to see. and i want them to touch. and i want them to hold. approach this platform. come closer to this auction stand. please once. i'm asking nicely. please. it is all i have. When we danced, so pristine and knee deep in sin, balls deep in hate, I see your face I see your face and it tears me, tears me up my mouth is full of love, my head is held in shame

i belong to everyone but me. i am what you say i am. that's all i can be. it's my purpose here. to be what you want. i am meant to please. to satisfy. to give. a being of compliance, submitting to whoever calls upon me. i'm not meant for anything more. i am white noise. i am blank pages. i am the static screen. something has snapped. and i am no longer here. what's with the angel and what's with the devil they keep swapping shoulders and i can't tell which from which