i'm praying that i get one. just one. one. those scavengers, those predatory beasts get everything else. but i just want to keep one. maybe you'll understand that. we're the same. and i know it's not my decision. and i know i can't make you stop. and i know that you won't. but maybe... maybe once you can change. reciprocation would be awesome. but it's okay. i'm not expecting it. don't you worry. i don't expect anything. because if there aren't any expectations, it's impossible to be disappointed. So look at me now The spark in my eyes is gone, somehow I wish I could stand up and turn around And let you see my eyes They'd be the same brown eyes

i can't stay still. i'm all water and light. shaking and snug. i'm dancing through golden ribbons. and for the first time i've earned a halo. me. i have one. crazy. and you. i know what you are. and it is alright. and i'm just gonna let go. slink and spin. just keep sinking until you have me. swallow every piece. and i did the impossible. didn't know i could. but i did it. and accomplishing that broke me. and then you won. goodness gracious. you got me to do it. how do you do this? this was never me. and now... well now it is. And when I wake up, I realize that everything's still wrong I'm still here and you're still gone It's not fair 'Cause either way I spin it, Separation seems so wrong These breaks are far too long for me

grip everything. hold it so tight. so fucking tight. just clutch it until everything is bound to those knuckles. anything there is. trapped in the palm of your hand. forming compact little clutches of fingers and flames. fuck your anguished cries. be silent. and concentrate. put it all into those two shaking extremities before you. and then... and then release on impact. it's bone vs cement now. relief floods over everything. running down clenched fists, slinking across aching wrists. dripping along taut fingers. oxidation is the key to any sense of clemency. but you already knew this. hate isn't even a word compared to this. So I say thank you for the scars And the guilt and the pain Every tear I've never cried has sealed your fucking fate

i'm not here anymore. i'm not anywhere. okay.

okay. i understand what's happening. can't stand it. just don't, okay? just stop. you don't get it. why not? you keep asking me why not. because! it's me we're talking about here! how could i? you know i'm not meant for this. my viens are too weak, they won't hold up. you'll bleed me dry. open up my arteries, send cascades of oxidizing iron and abhoration in every direction. just tear and tear and tear. remove the heavy burden of hemoglobin from these capillaries. and once the aneurysym's finished. soon as the hemorrhage dries up... i don't know what will happen. i don't know how to finish that. but you know this, you've seen my knuckles. you've seen this all. and i don't even want to. i don't know. idon'tknowidon'tknowidon'tknow. it's going to end soon though. it's self-preservation. unfortunate as it is. why do i do this. just... get ready okay? lean back when i give the signal. that way... maybe the fall won't hurt so much. On my life I'll try today There’s so much I've felt I should say, but Even if your heart would listen I Doubt I could explain

vermilion, vermilion. can you even comprend those words? please everyone. anyone. someone. ffuckk one. remember those nights, ok? where it is so cold. so fucking cold. when you breathe you can see the air. dripping from your mouth in the prettiest little tendrils. and it twists, and it dances and it makes those patterns. the ones that you could never think of. those whisps of respiration trail and contort and writhe about. and when you breath again. when you pull in that next breath. the cold sears your throat. it fucking burns. do you get it? tilt it back. bend your neck. face the stars and drink it in. you remember it okay? because that cauterization is going to save you. it's worth the world and you know it. you FUCKING do. A song that no one sings The unattainable She's a myth that I have to believe in All I need to make it real is one more reason