infatuation with my being is making my skin less transparent. you see me. i see me. my skin is dancing. it's been cut to ribbons. it dangles from my body in shreds. and it fucking dances. every movement. causes these skin streamers to sway in the most captivating fashion. and they decorate this vessel in the most alluring way. you only need one in this world. before you lose sight of your trimmings. here we go again tonite i'm underneath the sheets wrapped up tight, it's on one more time for you and me it's on

my world is repeating itself. it's all the same. i release one and obtain another. a newer model. an improvement of the old version. life is all about upgrades after all. but i can actually touch this one. i can feel it in my hands and mouth and not just in my heart. i know you're here. i know you're real. i know you're... i know. i just know now. you're my coincidence. and every coincidence i experience is like a car crash. something feels important and then it comes back again. just like i knew it would. just like i always knew. i feel like i finally understand things. everything does have a purpose. you sounded so frantic. the urgency with which you spoke. it all brought back those memories. but we make love. we don't fuck. there's a difference. my horoscope made sense today. it is 12:20 and far from the end of the day. that is a first. So here I am I'm trying So here I am are you ready

i've discovered that horoscopes only make sense at the end of the day. i wish i'd been prepared. but... i refuse to be stupid. i refuse to be blinded. i refuse to be an idiot any longer. you don't deserve that tattoo. you don't deserve my sympathy. you don't deserve your life, the life i struggled to save every night for months and months. i will no longer pity you. i will no longer please you. i will no longer fight for you. you deserved every beating. you deserved every wound. you deserved every hardship. every suicidal thought that ran through your head. every attempt you made. every time you expected me to fix it. to fix you. you tried to relieve yourself of your pain by pouring it into me. making me take every drop of it. you've raped my conscience, forcing me to swallow all your hate in un-wanted outbursts. choked by every load of hate and self-loathing and pity. i was your victim. cornered and pressured, trapped and toyed with. the irony of my auditory senses is making my blood too thick to move. but apparently yours still flows freely. maybe i'll finally tell you you were doing it wrong. and then maybe you'll finally leave me alone. i know you wanted a savoir, but baby. i'm only sub-human. i really like the song You're Gonna Go Far, Kid by The Offspring. Hit 'em right between the eyes When you walk away, nothing more to say See the lightning in your eyes See 'em running for their lives

serenity23: YOU are a star. i can feel that. but you aren't dead yet. you'll make it. i promise. JaymeEatWorld: i'm fascinated by the fact my existence fascinates you. i apologize for the stalker-like undertones of this entry.

i move like i can't. i'm made out of fluid. well everyone is, but i feel it more than ever. in my phalanges. and my neck. my viens haven't been popping lately. my kneecaps have. and my hips are bruised. painted the colors that i love. i'm no killer. not right now. you can touch me if you want. this won't last long, love me while i'll let you. hold on to me before this passes. because soon enough i'm going to leave. i will run. i will scream. i will claw, i will tear, i will rip. and i will kill you. i wasn't making it up. so take me while i'm still soft enough to touch. Maybe you were right But I can't do this now so Pretty eyes, I'll say goodnight I said enough, I'm letting go

we are all like the stars. being forced to shine even though we died long ago. the girl with the guitar is right. even if she is a fictional character. but killers are even smarter. they know what stars are. they know how they work. diamonds are forever. stars aren't. but they are the same. and i'm the rebel. i can't share myself like this. ihatethisihatethisihatethis. you're the one damaging me. it happens everytime. i need to regain control. because I'M the killer here. so why don't i feel like it? you're so good. and it makes me never want to talk to you again. it's alright though. i'm taking my cue and i will slay you. because i don't want you. you. are. disposable. and for everytime you've massacred me i'll return the favor. i will annhilate you. remember what i wrote before? yeah. it's coming true. i am the power. i am the driving force. and i am unstoppable. believe me. i don't. but when i do, you'll know. she's got a killers grin on or maybe I'm just too jaded now my god the killer is waiting

thoughts on my mobile phone august 5: everything that moves is either black or blue. why? WHY? why do we dream when our thoughts mean nothing? is that right? or is it i was made for chasing dreams? maybe they're both right. maybe that's our lives. we chase after nothing. maybe the atheists got it right. but they couldn't have. life is too incredible and intricate and compicated and structured and just... awesome to have been a mistake of the universe. exsistence in itself is terrifying. why. why is the best, the hardest and the most sought after question ever. period. august 6: so... there's an eighteenth now. why? that was so incredibly random. oh and he has a girlfriend. that's my favorite part. cross my heart and hope to die if i'm lying. i always take satisfaction in taking what belongs to others. it's my inner sinner making it's mark. and the night was oh so cliche. especially with delila in the the backround. august 7: the way he touched my legs afterwards really scared me. his inability to detatch is truely frightening. august 7: holy shit. jacob. i totally wish he was here right now. i... miss you? what the fuck. what the FUCK. the song you gave to me was playing after i got with that boy. and it hurt me so bad. if i told you about him... would you be hurt? shit shit shit. why do i like you? i'll never tell you any of this. never. august 7: stop talking to me. please stop. we hooked up. you got what you wanted so why are you still paying attention to me? You want it you want it you want it you want it Well here it is Everything everything everything Isn’t so primitive Take it and take it and take it and take it and take it all

sometimes my heart really hurts. it does. it hurts so badly. but i don't want to cry. i don't want a hug. i don't want to talk to anyone. i just want to sit and feel sorry for myself. and i hate that. that's what i try to numb. and then that just makes me angry because that makes me just like every other little emo kid out there. just like every. single. one. of. you. and i just can't take that. so i listen to angry music. music that makes me feel powerful. so powerful i can walk around at night and not worry. you know why i don't worry? because. it's me that should be feared. i'm the reason others don't go out at night. i'm the sum of their darkest fears. and do you know why that is? it's because i'm untouchable. and that's what makes me powerful. i've got agony dripping from my teeth. my fingers are twitching in torment. i've got a smile that radiates anguish. everyone can feel the excruciation of my every staggering movement. but it's not my pain. it's yours. i'm just the one forcing you to feel it. i'm here with all of my people locked up with all of my people so let me hear you scream if you're with me