WHAT THE FUCK!! please stop. i... i can't function on human affection. i swear i've been so deprived of it, i no longer want it. i hate human interaction. i hate it so much. unless it's purely physical. i can't do emotional interaction. can't. can. not. but i have two guys who keep talking about what they claim to feel for me. they say it alot too. everytime we talk actually. but... fuck me. i can't do it. i'm trying to remember my dream last night. it was so significant my teeth hurt from it. i never see words in my dreams. but last night i did. "who thought up this concept of time? - H---" i got a text with those words. and i can't remember the name on the screen. there were four letters. it started with H. and i feel like it was supposed to be God. my life keeps backtracking on itself. everything keeps... it keeps showing up again. it's foreshadowing itself. all the time. ammonia blood. hahaha what the hell? I've lost my watch, but I have my mind and while you're watching time go by I'd like to ask you how it feels to die

fuck ME i don't know what i was thinking. that kid was the biggest mistake. there were never any feelings for him. except for maybe disgust... must have been high. but i was completely sober about about how my physical mindframe completely takes over my emotional one. it's ridiculous how little i care. fuck me and leave. please. i don't want you. i just want to get with you and leave. never talk to me again. but i had a small epiphany this weekend. about how life is totally fucking with me. but... in the best way possible. i can't even think of the words that could explain how amazing everything is. everything is so interconnected. and there's always a reason behind every little thing. and it's so easy to read the signs if you just look for them. so i was watching this documentary on schitzophrenia. i pretty much agreed and identified with each of the people interviewed. i understood them. especially the most "messed up" one. he was... brilliant. i understand what you meant about the ribbons and the sun. i heard it too. i saw. i know. and i was thinking. no one can touch me. but who would want to? The city's a desert with photographic stars. Each pretty face is just a mirage, and my mouth's full of sand again