Last night, friday I wasn't going to drink. I winded up anyways. I didn't get completely wasted, but I was pretty drunk. SLC punk! is pretty amazing, I think it does that whole "fashion" of punks good justice. I wonder if someone will ever make a scene kid movie? The ending of this movie is sad. I have so much to write, I don't know where to start. So I'll just finish. Only posers die

It's obviously a countdown. Countdown to what? I don't know yet. Yesterday I told one of my exs. That I no longer want to talk to her. She took it pretty hard. She lives in texas, I live in las vegas. Everytime she came out here we would act like we were still together. Going out, staying in, sleeping together. The usual things couples do. She sent me a christmas present that came in the mail today. She knows how much I abhor the thought of buying me something. I feel like such a bad person. I'm burning all my bridges, I want to be alone for good. I don't want breanne or anyone. My brother makes me feel like shit so much. It hurts so bad, more than anything else. You know when your mom says "I'm not mad I'm jus disappointed" That's what he says to me. except his words are "that's fine" I know he's beginning to dislike me. He's all I have, What am I going to do?

Days go by to slow and years go by to fast. I don't want to enjoy my life for the fact that it would be over before I knew it. Time flies when you're having fun, I'd love to make time stand wtill with my misery. Not that I'm afraid of death, I'm afraid of any unfinished work. I'm afraid of not being able to see my niece and nephew grow up. I don't consider myself a happy person, depending on who's asking. I don't feel as alive as I use to. The vibrant heart so quickly growing old, the warmest eyes so quickly growing cold.

For those of you who didn't get what they wanted this year, and sat around with a pouty face- Not being able to get a PS3 or the new ipod video. Then bitching about it, writing "deep" journals. About how "miserable" your life is. Do me a personal favor please, and hang yourself. You and your families' materalistic ways sicken me to my stomach. I hate people like you so much. People like you, that's what's wrong with the modern world. I didn't get ONE gift this year, am I mad? No. I'm okay with not having anything. I just want to be with my family, that's all. I hate you for you thinking your family isn't enough, so you need $200 to feel happy. Stupidity...

So I was looking through my friends on myspace. Cute boys, cute girls, I found what I'm most attracted to when I look at people. Here's a list for both the same sex and oppisite. -Girls- Short hair! [Not like dyke short but short] Glasses [Cute nerdy glasses, I'm attracted to nerds] Good health [Like white teeth, not a greasy face] -Boys- Long hair [Not a metal head type of hair] Glases [Once again I love me nerdy boys] Makeup [Oh god, makeup on boys=orgasm] Of course I don't look at the physical aspects to much when I'm trying to find a boyfriend or girlfriend. I think I'm flipped when it comes to being attracted to the oppisite sex. Who knows? Ha I'm not complainning

Tonight nothing special. I haven't written anything since nothing has been going on. If you play Gears Of War on xbox live And intrested in joining my clan Let me know Clan name: Team Cadaver Gamertag: snd Bleedbaqk Send me a message on xbox live to try out. One thing though, please be over 16 I'm tired of playing with little kids. No offense to your skill, I just don't like the voices haha. Hmm what else? Iv'e been working out lately, there's this final burn I get before I stop. I call it the "threshold", I stole it from King Of The Hill when Bill becomes a body-builder. New season of "Rock Of Love" comming soon, can't wait for that. I'm not a fan of Bret Micheals, but he's 98 years old, and wears eyeliner. That takes guts.

Last night I didn't drink, I went to my brothers though. After we left everything seem to be getting on my nerves. I don't think it happend due to the fact that I didn't drink. I relized I do the same hing every weekend. [Like I stated previously] I hate it, I don't hate my brothers I love hanging out with them, but doing the same thing every weekend just kills me. I need more friends, the only friends I have I only see them when I party considering they live across town. I don't need a significant other, I need friends. I'm not asking for much. I'm not going to rob you, or kill you. Just people who want to chill nothing more. It is what it is though. I'm a lonely, miserable [18 year old] teenager. Living in a city where people see nothing but lights and glamour. No not hollywood [I wish I still lived ther though] Las vegas this desert of depression.

I'm going to my brothers house in around 45 mintutes. To party, same routine. Go there watch the kids until they get back with the liquor, drink, pass out wake up, go home, wait for 6 hours or so, then do the same thing. It happens every weekend frankly I'm sick of this cycle. There's nothing I can do. I know I can stop going anytime. Then I would be spending weekends lonely. I'm turnong out to be a miserable man. I feel it in my bones, my spirits breaking. The charger on my sidekick3 is actin' a fool. I plug it in to charge as I type and it keeps charging and uncharging making a blooping sound. It pisses me off..[the sound] now I only have 3 out of 5 bars after charging my phone for 4 hours. Thanks t-mobile. My aim has been extremely laggy also. I'm done with technology. I'm done with todays' modern life. I need a change, someone help me please. I'm begging you =[

Yesterday I made enchiladas they came out really well. It was also my brothers birthday. My mom came over to help, but she didn't do much. One thing she did do was go through our garage and find a suitcase full of my uncles [RIP] stuff. You know what she does? She starts reading it. He had journals and whatnots in there. They were so sad I wanted to cry. Anyways, when my brother came home she was already gone. He brought home the amish bread his co-worker made him. It's like brown sugar and cinnamon. The bread takes about a week to make, but it's really worth it. There's also about 10,000 calories in each bite. Such joy in that! I suggest everyone should try it atleast once.

I applied at an animal shelter yesterday. I hope I get it, I love all animals. My brother pissed me off yesterday. Okay- we were watching football and this micheal vick thing came on about how he threw his career away with dog fighting. My brother was like- "Who cares they're just dogs I could understand if it was humans" That made me so mad, dogs [all animals] are naturally nice humans, invented war, guns, torture, etc; God I hate the world. Anyways I post-poned my writing process although I do have lyrics written I've stopped writing the music. I'm trying to get a job when I do have a steady one. I will resume soon. I ate two oranges for breakfast today, they were so juicey. I'm going to start eating smart. I don't know what I'm going to do today. Probably play Guitar Hero 3. I'm rather good. I can play most songs on expert.