Current Music: Vulnerable by Secondhand Serenade i broke up with him. it wasn't working, and i know that, but i will miss being in a relationship. not necessarily with him but in general... the only problem is that me breaking up with him caused so much more drama than i need right now...my best friend wants to continue to be friends with him. and i, under normal circumstances don't care, however he had told me while we were going out that if he wasn't with me, he would try to date my friend. i wish i didn't ever know that..like the night i heard about that i just felt so..worthless i guess. idk..but the point is that, since i know that, i don't want them being friends. and my friend doesn't get why i don't want them to. it's not that i don't trust her, it's that i don't trust how he is around girls he likes...alright i really don't want to think about it, i just have to see how it goes... anyway..i basically broke up with him cause he was soooo clingy, and let's face it, i never loved him. not even sure i ever liked him. i told him i still wanted to be friends, but that was more of a reflex than an actual want. and the most fucked up part of this is that he said he is only gonna be friends with me so we can get back together in the future...and thats NOT GONNA HAPPEN AGAIN! i'm not that stupid...obviously stupid enough to go out with him AND sleep with him though..ha..let's not go to that topic again. i just signed into myspace and my ex's friend (who introduced us, and who i also thought was my friend) emailed me saying how fucked up it was how i broke up with the guy, he even called me a bitch. (it was through an email) and basically more bitching to me. for the record, i DO know that how i did it was so fucked up. but i have been broken up with through ways worse than that. i am sooo horrible saying things i need to say in person though/or on the phone. i always end up either saying the wrong thing completely or not saying anything at all. i said it through an email because it was the best way to handle it. and honestly the guy was really clingy and had violent tendencies. (apparently when he read it he fought like his best friend a few minutes later.) so rather than even put myself in that situation i completely avoided it. idk the whole thing is just so pointless..i thought me and this kid were friends but i was seriously wrong. now that i'm really thinking about it, i should have been more honest with my ex. i told him i needed a break from dating, and thats kind of true..maybe?? honestly i just didn't want to date HIM. but the sad thing is, i am in no way upset about how things ended up..i already kind of like someone else..but i'm not gonna talk about that cause it's wayyy too early. ooh..i love this song: Right On Right Now by Powerspace.it's sooo good. it always puts me in a good mood =D. My feet are shuffling The clouds roll in, the wind at my neck But every day's a thunderstorm I'm always walking back these days I live to pass time It makes sense in my mind But that's not a reason To keep this weak heart beating And I know that this place And these walls and this race Will melt down in one breath And leave it all behind me My feet are shuffling The clouds roll in, the wind at my neck But every day's a thunderstorm I'm always walking back these days My knees are quivering The cliff's edge so inviting, yeah The lightning hits my chest But the shock is so routine for me these days You stand up and I bow Right on, right now I'm always hoping for some enjoyment from disappointment I can feel the misery from some place deep inside of me My feet are shuffling The clouds roll in, the wind at my neck But every day's a thunderstorm I'm always walking back these days My knees are quivering The cliff's edge calls me The lightning hits my chest But the shock is so routine for me these days You make my bed, I'll make your day I'll write down every word you say And stuff it in a record sleeve And make sure no one ever, ever finds it Can you save me now? Someone, somehow Right on, right now ***lately, some of the music i've been listening to i really, really relate to. and that's usually a good thing, but some of the lyrics of the songs make me realize that i'm the girl that breaks the guys heart. i've been listening to A Change of Pace and Crash Romeo a lot and I guess that's why. Cause alot of their music is like that, and i love both bands. But it's like AHH, depressing! wow i just realized how long this was. ha no one's gonna read this shit but me anyway..oh well :p