its not the big things that get me down so much, its th little tiny stuff.. theat shouldnt , matter thats what makes me crash....... and u c theres this guy, theres always a guy, right??? i used to love him but he completley screwed up my life, many a time and now im finally over him.. iv forgiven him for everything, and now he decides that hes in love me, hes always loved me and wants me back..... what gives him the right?????? to pick and choose when he wants me?? if u havent guessed...its luke, le stalker and u can neve belive what he says... beware.... i am so exhasuted... i have no energy... tapi yesterday i was sooo fuckinh high, higher than iv ever been before.. on nothing.. is that a side effect to my depression?? amazing highs??? not that it as amzing, i was basically acting like a drunk loud mouth slut, in the middle of PE... with 50 or so peeps aroound...... what the fuck iss wrong with me???? ahhh.. condundrums too.... i rekon i maybs like this guy.. hes preety chill, but i dunno whethere he likes me.... confession time: i dunno if iv ever asked somone out when im not sure wether they liked me back...... and the thing is.... hes such an amazing friend, i dont wanna fuck any of that up... and congedi... welll were friends again... tho its painful, for me everytime he hugs me..... i swear it feels like hes knifed me.. it hurts soo bad.... I AM SO LONELY.......................

add to the list from this weekend: got dumped by a guy i wasnt even going out with.... by text.... u no wats sad??? th cutting just ahabit now.... i dont get that kick anymore.. i hate that time when im not at home.. then i get back.... a taste of freedom then back into the pits of hell.... i fought with my frieds.. not fought really but they keep on saying im a slut..... like my mum doess to.... it hurts so much... the truth is im not...... thank god for marcus..... seroisly an amazing friend n gets what goes on in my head.... babe thanks.. ull probly read this sometime well...... thats all folks.. freakshows over for today.. hw beckons.....

this weekend i have: got concussed.. starved myself for 41 hrs, the binged for what feels like 42.... fought with my parents.. ad my friends... gues what guys... the depressions back yeayah!!!! strps urselevs in for teh long haul.. its gonna be a fuked up hellish ride........

i am wrecked... i am exhausted... seriously.... im just sooo tired. i slept through school today, with my eyes open.. is it possible...they were open but my body just wasnt on... i can't move..... i miss people..... i miss being held... i miss my old life, my happiness.... ahh.. but i have good friends, im actually thanking god for them.... aaaaand at home.. well... its not so great... i mean the parents.. they actually care more about our dogs than us.. and of course im sooo selfish... i can never do anything right... but thats just the way it is... cintamu xo

wellll... i said it would b decent this time.... ummm... its been very amazing latley n also quite shit... amazing coz i went to malaysia (in april) n i had the best time of my life.... i was sooo happy, made great friends, great memories..... then i went to brizzy n canberra for a while n stayed with family over there..... n the shit stuff.... when ever im with my family it just explodes, i cant cope.... they just piss me offf..... im suicidal again...... i started cutting.. again..... ever since i said id stop i couldnt stop thinking about it..... so i did... oh my fucking god...... it was sooooo good... actually better than any seditives or anything i do..... atm.. its a mix.. good days n bad... one of my best friends going to poland for aaaaages..... another is having a shit time ..... so.... good times are hard to find... the one thing iv found thats good tho i movies.... n dexter.. n books that fuck with your head... basically anything tha can describe how i feel coz i cant.... oh another great thing... luke.. 'stalker' guy.... welll he told me hed broken up with his girlfriend... n he wanted 2 get back with me...... but he hadnt... CUNT!!!!!! welll.... serves me right hey???? fr beliveing the best in people... you just get shit back... tho occaionally its worth it... thats why we stick around hey??? welll.. i rekon thats all in the uneventful life of me.... if uv hung on this far... congrats..... NOW.. get a life jks.... im sure id love you xxx