the last time someone text me the last time my mom actually hugged me the last time i looked in the mirror and was content with what i saw the last time i went to sleep without ringing in my ears the last time i did something and not cared what happened the last time i was myself the last time i did something monumental.......

i miss people.. i miss hugs.. i miss you.. i miss the fact that i knew i wanted to fuck you so bad but now i know i never have a chance.... now i know that it never meant that much to you... the one guy i really really want.. the one i neeed.. the one i actually let myself falll for, with all my heart.. with everything.. it was so right.. i miss it all. fuck... i hate this.. the other night. i was manic.. so fucking crazy.. screaming.. crying.. shaking... no control at all... mother fucking dearest just shouted.... screamed.. tried to analyse me... i just needed a hug.. someone to hold me.. calm me down.. she wouldnt even let me ring luke.. the one guy whos pulled me down so manytimes but who can always help when i need it.. mum just goes on about 'this isnt how your psycologist told you to cope.... FUCK.. she doenst know me at all... didn't she know at school i was like this everyday... noone knew what to do... all i need is to be held.. someone to calm me down..... god i miss him... i want him back.. its never going to happen though......................................

we broke up..... im sad... i still like him.... but its strange.... im peacful., i can actually cope, how unusual.... i miss him.... sooo much... he was special.... pity it didnt last... ce la vie... all that shit... i still want him.... more than helll ever know......

If you had told me a year ago what I was like now I would be so surprised at how much I haven’t changed. Im still in this depression cycle, but without the cutting(tho I want to sooo much but ….) My friends really shouldn’t be my friends And I still hate my self so much even I get surprised sometimes It seems the only differences are theres better music and an awesome bf. I duno how many times iv said oh, this ones great, hes oh so wonderful… But Theres summat special about Declan, I dunno… Maybe soemting to do with the fact about when he found out all my baggage hes just like oh well I don’t give a shit, I just wanna b with u and make u happy Ahhh Welll I dunno this craaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaazy life hey???? Peace x