where do i start????? its so hard to begin even thinking about it and indeed what the fuck is it??? and how can i escape from it? latley its all too hard, everything, even breathing at the tiniest most nonexistent thing i fall apart and the worst bit, it feels like im actually coming apart and no one can help i found out today that another one of my friends has started cutting, it killed me finding out, that makes me a hypocrite suppose but i need it ans this guy(ex-stalker) has finally screwed me into the ground one more time adn i can't just forgive and forget anymore, im so damaged. he doesnt understand, only looking out for him. im a trauma, he can't be fucked anymore( his exact words too) him saying that ripped me open and my heart is still shattered, bleeding on the floor. he says lets talk about it but i cant hel only twist it his way and how do u explain you loved him so much and put up with him hurting you, that he could just look at you and youd forgive it all. but not anymore, im just too broken and in need of finding the glue that might slowly stick me back together, i cant see it happening, im drifting through a haze of black and i cant see the light on the other side, is there even a light???? will i ever find it? and now i dont hate him anymore, im drawn to him again but the only thing is now im scarred, hes the reason for my scars, the reason ill cut. but i cant forgive, not yet but mind you i no i will and hell forget and this fucking cycle will never end and i keep on falling falling into the darkness never to see the light of day again

i lie here your keeping me awake the pounding in my head just won't go away its not so much tha im depresssed all the time, its just i never feel happy its the boring, black and white monotony of life tha gets me down not being able to feel just fine, always on the borderline, about to tip into the abyss forever to spend all my time trying to scrabble out Help! i need somebody but all i ever get is the dial tone