I have no idea whats happened, It was all going so well, I was happy Almost in love And not failing at school It was so good, having the time of my life not working at school, flirting, going out until mum came home, apparently she is angry about kieran, and he texted me last night, saying something about how he was sorry if he was weird, and that he loved me anyway, it all went downhill from there we were going to watch some ma movie at school, so I had to get a note and she was all angry and saying stuff about how why can’t we watch pg and that people want us to grow up too fast. I find it hilarious because she knows nothing about her daughter, That she gets depressed all the time That she hates herself That she flirts so she can just be held That she cant control her emotions so she breaksdown and cuts herself………. She is such a fucking hypocrite, Shes only 38 and she acts like shes 50 She never goes out, has gotten fat and is a grumpy cunt all the time You know the other day we went to a concert at fowlers and it was the first time shes been to a club, I mean what the fuck??? And I thought I was sheltered?? She says I don’t need to know about drugs or sex or booze, Why not?? I know about it already I need to forget I have to forget I must forget I will forget I cant cope with this anymore I need to feel the pain, the blood I need to cry, to let it out But it never happens, Its all bottled up and One day it will explode and I I will die from it I cant wait till I can drive I will go into a tree on my 16th birthday, Shut my eyes Pray to die And drive Hopefully it works….. My friends have no idea, they think im happy The ones who know that im not don’t really care They just want a screw, Its shit My life Im privileged in the normal ways A home a school a car food on the table But it seems people always forget about the emotions… People feel, Even if I come across as an ‘ice queen’ (thanks stalker) I feel, Feel to much Feel it too the core, I cant help it if im so passionate If I cant portray my emotions I think I should get help, HOW??? Without people finding out?? It wont work Ill just keep on cutting and one day itll be too deep and in the wrong place, Screw the consequences, Whats the point anyway??? I hate myself so much, My stupid whinyness and depression, How I care so much about what people think The fact I fall in love so easily My weight, that ive put do much on My mind that’s so fucked My boring life It’s a sickness I swear, I feel sick to the stomach Im made of lead A fake stupid weight Living a stupid pointless life I just want to get smashed, to forget forever To not have to wake up and see myself To live my life To be me Couldn’t I be someone else???? I wish but that’s not going to happen Ha I hate this stupid fucking life, my stupid fucking self, stupid fucking everything I wish I was dead There is no energy, No point This shit life should be over I will be dead… It would be so easy A bit of random shit and a deeper slice I will do it I swear…………………………………

im just sitting in my room with a needle in my arm, not really but i love that song well............. my life is pretty boring at the moment but i only have 2 exams left maths n indo and 4 MORE DAYS OF SCHOOL !!!!!!!!!!!!!YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! holidays r soon i love holidays i feel pretty good at the moment, do favours for friends, like letting them cheat off my entire exam, hmmm, i hope shaun does do well, all that sneaky effort GO SHAUN!! i would never be that talented but my stalker is annoying me yet again today in sose i was asleep and when i woke up n his hand was up my skirt geez, talk about taking advantage BUT i can now hold a civil converation with him with out wanting 2 rip his head off, i shall just plot his murder in cold blood but good things. happy thoughts: im seeing kieran this wkeend YAY shld b fun but my mum doesnt no so ill have to be careful she hates me lying to her but then again she wouldnt let me go aout with him so but alls fair in love and war plus i got for blood and empire, dont u love best friends little bros that are computer nerds?? edees awesome, now a ultimate frsibee state champ yeah thats right ultimate frisbee how uncool argghhhhhhhh my feet stink stupid volleyball and 38 degree days ;( oh welll last games tomorrow n iv got heaps better same with netball but i think i broke some girls jaw last night. it was an accident, she was shorter than me (amaazing that) n she was trying to knock the ball out from behind me and i moved my shoulder and wacked her in the jaw the crunch that happened wasnt good but theres a crazy storm on at the moment lighting thunder lots of wind but no rain stupid global warming i blame john howards eyebrows n the fact he wouldnt sign kyoto well that was really much ado about nothing (i love the version with emma thompson???) sayonara sweethearts take care i will always love you no matter what n soz for the shit spelling

as you can tell im lsitening to yellowcard WHOOO they are awesome hmph, songmeanings wouldnt let me post that whole thing soo heres the rest: arrgh m6y computer is screwing up hang on ill try n add it again: it isnt working ok ill just write it u know my stalker, hes on to me agin this time $45 for a blow job and $125 for a screw i dont think i will but the moneys tempting....... im so pov that i will even consider it but then again im not a slut and even me has standards It looks like i get to see keiran on the weekend, yay cant wait maybe he'll even talk to me!!!!! i would be lucky hes got the msn but sucks at actually convos, i may have to teach him for i am cerewet sekali, for all you indo studiers i love indo arggh computer wont copy n paste ;( oh well if you can understand this i really admire you but get your ass off the komputer its a lovely day vampire is only sexy too some (Like me, but im crazy) anywhooo i love you really hope your doing well

Yay!!!!!!! Pagent was on Friday. Awesomely beautiful fireworks, we were lying on the grass and they were sooooo pretty. I got my knife bak!!! Major yay!!! Haven’t used it though. 22 days till Christmas YAY people can get together to be bitter n twisted n hate each other n get crap pressies that no one likes, especially me(not get bitter, getting crap pressies). Anyway pagent I got a chance to meet keiran!!!! Hes really hot But doesn’t talk;( Sweet though and right height, not usually my type blond withj blue eyes but Hey, hes hot I’m not asking another guy out though He can do it I know he likes me Plus cant b screwed “I lie, not to conceal the truth but to avoid the explanation.” Awesome quote From English exam Which I think I failed but it was a cool comprehension. Holidays soon Only 6 days left of school!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Holidays YAY victor harbor n lots of fudge Plus kireans going to middleton woot Beach n guys, sounds like fun I tripped I fell I lost everything My hope My faith In what the future brings What the hell?????????? Is that song??? Its by ra isn’t it? Is it obstructed view???? Im not gonna b at victor when kireans there Oh well we’ll go ice skating??? I know that he wants to but I doubt my nazi mum will let me go, oh well maybe some other time. English is def. The most boring subject in the world. Plus we have revision for all our subjects at the moment, arghhhh, stupid exams. I don’t have any today though. YAY It weird coz its summer but its really cold, lik 20 degress, whoich is weird coz summer hear is supposed to be really hot. Stupid global warming, I blame john howard. I think im crazy, I keep on hearing people saying my name but they aren’t really there, oh dear. Maybe I’m just paranoid? I feel like fudge, yummy caramel or mint fudge. My boredom is so extreme that im going to keep on writing this. The poet Michael luenig is a genius, Let it go. Let it out. Let it all unravel. Let it free and it can be A path on which to travel. Isn’t that cool??? Only ten minutes until lunch, but time will drag on forever as always ;( Who saved the queen???? Was it god or the sex pistols? Will we ever know, indeed has the queen even been saved? Yeah, my awesome attempt at being philosophical. No wonder I don’t do it at school.