i hate this old journal... i always hate my old journals. maybe i should make a new one. a public one. 'cause right now i feel like sharing. :) yeah. i'll do that. fuck this old shit. its from when i was fucked up. it can die. the past is dead and buried.

havent written in here for a while. i feel bad. i had two best friends. we were a wonderful trio. they're still a wonderful trio, they replaced me with my sister. i left them for a lifestyle a little more rock and roll. i still wasnt the first one to get laid. gutted. ive always been jealous of my sister. she had the rabbit. and now she's got the hamster. but dad still wont let me get anything. i saw a bearded dragon in the new reptile shop just opened. fell in love. it was adorable. £45. if i got a job i could get that. ive been thinking of getting a job. but yeah. dad says no. fuck you then. my friends were talking of getting a lizard. all my friends are talking. they're all getting dyed hair and piercings in the summer. with my fucking parents i dont stand a chance. i'll be ordinary. why the fuck did they put me through this? my friend couldnt understand me. he'd give anything for the stability i have. i'd give anything for parents who dont give a shit. for a reason to rebel. for a broken home. with the kind of upbringing i had - parents who cared, good education, so much fucking stability - i could've turned out fine. i have to sabotage this. going out on the piss again tonight. im going to get wrecked. stoned. laid. whatever. the fuck. i want. 'cause they never gave me a reason. i want to fucking fight! im gonna fucking live forever! so fuck you. all of you. you screwed me over by never. screwing me. over.