I'm listening to passion pit... They've kindof completely changed my view on a person Or maybe it's the fact I'm completely undecisive and my beliefs can genuinely change within moments unrecognizable to myself I thought, only less than 24 hours ago, that you were completely beneath me. But you twinkle. You are blissful and I can truly say I admire that. You've expirenced a loss that would ruin me, yet you recover to high spirits and I see that you're easily enthralled and I'm glad. you deserve it and so much more. ~~~~~ NOW YOU ON THE OTHERHAND... Completely pathetic. Downright embarassing. I've never felt such a disconnect from a human before. You try to swoon these people in false pretenses that are evident beyond recognition. It's filthy and I'm embarassed for myself for trying to hold on to something. History is the only thing binding us together. Be happy with yourself, love yourself Stop pushing away the people that truly have your best interest in mind for these oh so mighty ones that would easily turn you off for their own benefit. In truth you are much like the majority of people fake and i'm not sure why now it's truly beginning to disguist me? ~~~ But the sad thing is, is that i love you so much. And I'm appalled at myself. Full of regret on the past situations. That night we pushed all the bullshit behind us and just flowed we didn't think much but we did have adventurous, free conversations on everything. you opened yourself up, completely vulnerable a state that i have never seen in you since the first time we've met over 5 years ago. it was beautiful, looking back at it, but at the time i felt a huge disconnect.. with you and more so with myself I felt alienated from you and that scared me that upset me that dissapointed me... after all of this time, a feeling that i've desperately wanted to expierence with a person, is lost. i found you quite slow and you bored me and secretly i hated myself for thinking this way and the fact of the matter is that you share all of the similar wants and desires as i.. yet somehow i was completely turned off by you. i'll never know but i will stop searching for the answers. because i don't live in the past, and i'm already tired of it.

it is a blur these last couple weeks have mistakenly sprung past yesterday is lost in a pool of all the other yesterdays these weeks can be defined as good but i want more always longing for something else but is it too much to ask, anyone..someone?, for greatness for overwhelming, in the good sense, fast plastered memories of beautiful people and places or even just beautiful meticulous moments with people that mark me permanently times that i won't want to forget that i can carelessly laugh back at nights where summer never leaves maybe it's too much to long for simple happiness pureness delicateness i don't want to be satisfied i want to be completed. old friends always change i want to remain in your life but i feel above you in all senses this relationship that i desperately wanted has re-identified itself as pointless i have no will to even communicate with you via any portal available you have become another nobody to me and the seconds we share account to nothing they are meaningless and very forgettable and noone is to blame. ________________ ~my ear hurts~

new people are like new books sometimes i like what i read and sometimes i can't bring myself to open its cover but you stand apart i want to read backwards, forwards, upside down in the most unconventional ways i want to become your story and read about myself within you i want to memorize you by every line you are now part of my tale soft touch, gentle voice but unmistakenly strong ...i'm still reading

bad week followed by many good you refuse to communicate with me anymore faking it was never an option but i never give anyone the chance to be an option calling it quits almost before it starts time's still tick-tocking away and i refuse to waste those precious little nanoseconds on someone who refuses to consider me. but i truly am sorry you're beautiful in every form and it does crumble me to know that you cannot meet me halfway and just be my friend it's quite confusing but understandable love is in all shapes and eventually most will pass ~~~~ SUMMER HAS ARRIVED! quiet breezes on sunny evenings rays pounding, marking their power on my skin loss of responisiblities more time for nothing and i love nothing can't wait to explore this summer, great things have already happened... no expectations but i do have a sense of things to come;)